My world goes crazy sometimes

Colour of loudness, tawdriness, frenzy, violence, extremity and bloodshed.

But there are people just loving it

loudly, frenetically, violently and blindly




Give me a cup of tea and
four thick walls with no TV

feel better now than the last time but still no better than before

This place has been deserted for a while, not that I didn't want to update it, but April is the cruellest month so I suffered from minor ailments, after the flu, there was migraine, bellyache, insomnia, no appetite ... shit I am such a lover of food and drinks, hope I will return to be a glutton and drunkard soon.

If I was not absent, I should have written something about Channel's Mobile Art, the interesting architecture by Zaha Hadid, how it promoted and degraded art, how the poetic sound guide inspired as well as limited participants' interpretation, but the whole event was too long ago so I don't feel like to write about it.

I should also have written something about this year Hong Kong International Film Festival which surprisingly, my most favourite film is not a film at all, it's the Stones' gig Shine A Light. I can't say i know all their songs by heart but hey, they are so energetic, there is so much passion, life and brotherhood, their fire is still burning bright at this age, having a labour of love and hedonistic life for over 40 years, I think they must be God's most favourite human being. To me this year hkiff is not too bad as compare to the past few years'.

... and yeah, how can i not mention duran duran live in HK (wow my childhood's idol!) I don't have their new album so I did not know most of the songs but it didn't matter, their new songs actually sound quite alright, my friend said it's the effort of justin timberlake, haha what a surprise, i never thought this person has talent (so i might be wrong). Not only rolling stones remains energetic, so does duran duran! Simon Le Bon must be near (or already?) 50 but he didn't look much different from his younger days, though my childhood crush John Taylor changed a lot bit. I am turning nostalgic these days as a sign of turning old, so i will even go to see elton john in may!



i like all mic-sharing moments, even for those of middle age men, ha! (oh sorry simon & john, i'm just joking, u know i love u both)

無聊才讀書

『快樂，不快樂。好像愛我，不愛我。他拿起一枝花，一面拔掉花瓣，一面在說「快樂，不快樂」。他是一個快樂的人，他也是一個不快樂的人 ... 他對他說，他不快樂。因為他的慾望太多，不能滿足，甚麼都是有點不足夠 ... 他的快樂是很快的，喝一杯紅酒很快樂，那一個Moment很快樂，但三分鐘之後，快樂就消失了 ... 雙子座和雙魚座的人通常的快樂，都是很快快樂，很快便不快樂。他們兩個雙子和雙魚，一問一答，一答一問，在討論快樂。』

- 《好風如水》胡恩威

I just love these passages, for obvious reason (someone is so idle for sure).

no more bacchanalia

pretty chairlady of bacchic club went settling down once and for all, of course i wish her happy ever after, oh, but it also marked the day of the disbandment of our bacchic meeting, no more hangover in the saturday morning.


double happiness my dear

another side of the coin...

of course i was one of those "sisters" of my good friend's wedding, nevermind to darken my panda eyes (as woke up at 5:45am), nevermind to wear that "too" feminine dress all day long, cos' they were nothing as compared to rendezvous of ex-schoolmates. exchange of name cards, exchange of hollow talks, i think i would rather be a recluse.


my golden shoes, yo!

Something must have gone right

Half the world blame him for his living up to his own prediction 20 years ago - to be so sleazy and money-grabing, "re-issue re-package re-package re-evaluate the songs double-pack with a photograph extra track" (Paint a Vulgar Picture in Strangeway, Here We Come). "Greatest Hits" is the album most of the Morrissey devotees despise. Not only that it's creepily coincident with his own version of vulgar picture, it evilly excludes most of his early classics. The omission of "November Spawned a Monster" and "Now My Heart Is Full" is particularly unforgivable (But for my work experience in a copyright organisation, I guess I know the reason). The two new songs "That's How People Grow Up" and "All You Need Is Me" are, well ... good, for a b-side track (oh how can i say this verdict to my demi-god). Having said that, I am not part of that half world who despise it. So, am I the other half who just blindly follow Moz? of course Not. Usually I always hate the idea of those rip-off greatest hits/compilations. That's why I insist not to buy The Best of The Libertines even though that also means I can't claim to have their complete collection, but it's really pointless (...err or maybe I'll buy later if I really have an extra HK$150 to waste). To a very large extent the reason why I love Moz's Greatest Hits is the extra live tracks. Grand and epic. It's all worthwhile just for Life is a Pigsty. And to include The National Front Disco? Ha, was it a provocation or reply (or confirmation?) to the accusation from nme? Sarcasm, humour or pettiness, the dividing line is so hard to draw for an englishman, especially for moz. Looking at the sleeve picture, your arse, haha, do you believe he really intended to make a greatest hits? I still believe his sense of humour.


Your arse Greatest Hits - Morrissey

You're so great

Sad drunk and poorly
Sleep in really late
Sad drunk and poorly
Not feeling so great
Wandering lost in a town full of frowns
Sad drunk and poorly
Dogs digging up the ground

And I feel the light in the night and in the day
And I feel the light
When the sky's just mud and grey
And I feel the night when you tell me it's OK
Coz you're so great and I love you

cultural town

suddenly. As if you wake up one day and find yourself in some metamorphosis' scenario, everything was changed, my hometown has an artistic and cultural atmosphere. Not only arts festival and international film festival are coincidently held in the same month, I saw so many modern sculptures in everywhere i go.


i regard it as one of the "Angel" (使徒) in Neon Genesis Evangelion


i suspect that's suggested by havey nichols, someone head over heels in front of it


keith haring, of course


even if there is hardware, do you think there's software? People here were all indifferent to the exhibition, it was either because, they were really indifferent or, they're too familiar with those sculptures and thought it would be a bit "shallow" to pay special attention to them.


as arts are so-called everywhere, of course they're not just in the landmark, modern sculptures can also be found in exchange square. see, they are the chubby adam and eve by botero.

But what i feel excited most was this "mobile art", the exhibition centre is a work of art in itself, by zaha hadid. so what is it about? I don't know at this moment, as you may only enter by appointment and my appointment shall be two weeks later, very popular, so be proud of this city, we are real cultural, right?


strange object in the midst of central


it's either a cocoon or spaceship

Good surprise

Cable have closed down most of its mtv channels with the exception of my most least favourite one - mtv china (you can tell the kind of mv just by the name of it). Last night there was serendipity, there was one whole hour of those "thom yorke home recording" of the songs of in rainbows. Though we probably have already watched it online, it's great to watch the clips again on big TV screen. So there will be dvd soon?

Radiohead - Nude

it's random, no, it's destined

see, my sandbox in facebook thinks they should be together.





[edit on 27 Feb 2008]
today, my sandbox even thinks peter should be on the top, hahaha... (yeah, i'm really bored in the office)

Bloodthirsty bastard

Story of a misanthropist. It could have been a better movie, but... It could be a shakespeare's tragedy - How a man was eaten by his own weakness and evil. It could be a greek tragedy - Man can never win the Fate, especially when the Fate is full of absurdity. Or...., don't be so serious, let's take a light-hearted approach. It could be a cult movie for the bloodthirsty bastards - Throat-slitting, lengthy blood-pouring, with the help of mince pie and corpse hill, what a perfect scene for any lovers of Vienna Actionist, Meat Joy and Blood Pleasure. Or..., don't be so arty. Maybe it's just a tribute to the B-movie, remember how we love pulp fiction! No no no, Sweeney Todd is none of the above. I'm reluntant to criticise this film, given that I'm so fond of Mr Depp, but somehow I do feel that there's something missing. I don't love the person Sweeney Todd, worse still, I don't hate him. I just have no feeling. There is no emphathy, no association. I blame it on the script (or the lyrics) that it didn't quite manage to establish the mentality of this man. Burton was used to be an expert to portray those lovely monster, be it sulky, melancholic, transvestite, hyperactive or simply, freakish. This time everything was a bit "surface". Joyless and humourless (except those bit about something like "i leave you to the mercy of your children" that's very Burton). I also blame it on the lack of chemistry between Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. Their voices seem to have much more chemical reaction in Corpse Bride but in sweeney todd ... double negatives make a positive? two freakish persons may mean the loss of magic. And hey, why "Borat" just so quick to be killed? OK, i don't intend to make a series of complaint, especially to the work of my favourite people. At least i would say I appreciate the attempt of Burton, to make a gloomy "musicals" film about a serial killer and, I really love those gloomy Dickensian London scene. Fleet Street, I used to get my academic textbooks there, so bright so normal, it's hard to imagine its dark and mouldy past, err what? That city "is a hole in the world like a great black pit/ and it's filled with people who are filled with shit/ And the vermin of the world inhabit it"??? (I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap)


Razor-mirror, cracked mirror and "a pond of dirty water" mirror, that's too cliche to symbolise a mad man's vision (yeah I like to complain, cos I'm mad too)

anecdotes (anecdote is just a rhetoric saying of travility)

Not a bit sunshine, the city has only 1 colour, grey or, dark grey sometimes. I love it dearly. It's so poetic, how i want to shout out loud "il pleure dans mon coeur comme il pleut sur la ville" (yes, very pretentious of me, i sometimes despise myself). This is the real winter (and it's so rare for my hometown), though a bit late. chilly air and drizzle, greyish skies and roads, it's the beauty of melancholy (and it's the abnormality of me). dug into my dusty huge cds mountain, i have to dig out all mogwai back catalogue, bleak music for the bleak sky (people), oh what an enjoyable experience!


Got the Feb Spin, my head spins no more (and spin is even cheaper than nme, unbelievable! or one more proof that nme is such a rip-off)

Jumble sale of hmv (which was actually held throughout the year) and Moz's Ringleader Of The Tormentors was marked HK$40, this was absolutely an insult. would somebody please buy the whole stock of it?

oh roses are so delicate, maybe we can just sing a song

It's always there
our faithful companion
hovering above
from day 1 to day 0
fragmented but continuous
'round the next corner
or millions miles away
doesn't matter
cos it will never
fail to keep its promise


so it's the promise to the rosy atlantis or an ecstatic underworld or a bleak world of cold and dark? i don't know. the other side always remains an uncertainty. ephemeral and uncertainty, it makes all the sense here.

She was one of those few good ladies of my ex-office, she was a christian, so she must be more certain of her way, returns home, unafraid and liberated.

You are innocent and true, and you come from a star ...

No man is an island (a bit strange for a solitary person like me to say these words). There are always someone, something that you feel emotionally attached to. 'You are tamed' according to Mr Fox.

You run the risk of a few tears if you allow yourself to be tamed.

Then I must be tamed by the book, for I can't quite control my lachrymal each time i read it (the abnormal thing is, my teardrop explosion can begin from the start, even the words "c'est un chapeau" can made me cry [so not to say the encounter with the fox or the love monologue to the rose], and i must have read it again and again for N times). When i first read it as a kid, i of course agreed to every words about the troublesome grown-ups, but with the passing of time, I now feel more resonant with the dilemma of the pilot. Grew up but not a grown-up, was forced to live among the grown-up and pretend to be one of them, but actually couldn't quite understand their language and vice-versa. That's why the pilot became a solitary person (and so am i). Don't get me wrong, i don't think it's a book promoting solitary, on the contrary, it's about establishing relationship. Be it with the people, flower, the fox you met or, the books you read, the music you hear, or even your heart, they are all so unique and important. Of course you risk tears if you let yourself be tamed. Passion and sentiment is always silly and immature in the grown-up world.

I love the story so much that no matter it's the book itself, the film or the musical, so long as it does not make any modification, i will love it dearly. so the musical le petit prince has no exception. The visual effect was quite impressive, and also the songs (esp the chinese subtitle, much better than the english one). The girl (oops i don't know her name) tried hard to be boyish, well, while i think her performance is quite good, still it will be much better if the role is performed by a real kid.


I hate to see how over-commercialised he becomes. It's cute to appear on the 50 francs in the past, but not every commodities you name it nowadays. "I love little prince" my friends said, grabing the watches and little notebook, "but i've never read the book". Phew.

wishes on the 32nd of December

I decide not to make any new year resolution this year, no plan is the new plan.

but wishes are allowed - getting by and getting high.

fireworks, downstairs of my home

Finally, the endless wait came to the end

It was finally arrived. Thanks to mr postman, it was so heavy, i know.


Cards to place ape, my essential album of 2007.

office blue

Read a few lines
Daydreams mix with
Moments of siesta
Went to the pantry
then to the restroom
Back to the seat
It's so horrid
that it's still 4:30
Never ever
look at the figures
on the screen's right coner

Too much happiness will only lead to sadness

It's the Chinese wisdom.

After a week of celebration of "getting older but not wiser", I've got physical and virtual feasts and drinks, presents and cakes, greetings and wishes, intimate and rubbish talks, well, this humdrum life looks a bit endurable for all such trivial things. While I reflected on my light-hearted feeling, yes, that chinese idiom works again.

My pc is dead again. It always chose its death in the time when I least have done any back-up. Worse, I even cannot reformat it. It's ridiculous to think that my whole happiness is dependent on this lifeless object but sadly, it's true. My daily consolation is just this 60GB. I am officially devastated. I feel so bad now and I will not put a smiley face for a long time.

it has been 2 days since but i still

Head in the cloud
Another mistake but
Nothing to frown
Gulping the lust
Opaque and loud
Validate my stupid
Existence/
Resistance

Oscar's advice
Nevermore

Assuasive through
Battered and bruised
Sin and sinister
In line with sweet delirium
Nodding my head (oh so dizzy)
This cycle/cyclops
Here to stay
Ever more

Happy endings, they never bored me

I was never optimistic if I could watch their arena gigs. Just a week before boarding the flight, i received the notice that babyshambles had cancelled their acoustic gig at union chapel because someone was back to the rehab. oh my __ pounds was just threw into river (if you know what a crazy sum i paid for the gig through ebay). I felt like having the nightmare of "will he show up/will he not" again.

Relief.

Belief.

It didn't occur to me that the venues were too big for babyshambles (maybe MEN and Metro Radio were not big actually). Unlike other stadium rock shows which audience would no doubt have a sense alienation, they did have the power to reach every living soul. maybe it's because of the stage decoration, albion and hancock still on the wall, it's just like the albion have became a bigger vessel. I don't know, maybe i was blindfolded like the ep cover, this frenetic fanatic felt so blessed again.

any criticism? yes (oh what a surprise). No frenchdog blue. because the legendary frenchdog didn't agree to join? same setlist for every show? ended exactly on 10:45pm every night? did it simply become a job ...


by oh by the way ...

Last night I just watched the dvd of shambles' live in manchester. oh my. that was baby shambles. they are so different now. patrick and gemma are (of course) sadly missed. but oh. there is something more. something wrong. something missing. he is not a wimp no more. stronger (fitter, happier and productive). so what did i complain about? of course it's good to see him stronger and happier (or me so wicked to romanticise the dark and gloomy past ... )

older. wiser. but what i miss is his childish eyes.
he can walk steadily now, not shamble anymore.

Cost of progress

We build just to destroy. Making loads of trash. The value of history is zero (or even negative in case of hong kong, any colonial past was regarded as disease which have to be eliminated without delay). I always thought only Hong Kong Government was so disrespectful to history and environment. British Government should be more civilised and sophisticated by miles. Avarice. A common trait for all human beings, not to say to all governments.

Camden Stable - it becomes a large constructive site. Actually it lost its soul years ago by overwhelming tons of "made in china" products. The little charm of all secondhand clothes stores at the end of the stable was eliminated, in the name of redevelopment. It is said to build a shopping centre which is so inconsistent to the surrounding (or by that time the surrounding will also be destroyed so this will not be a problem).

what it should look like	now a pile of trash	arrow points to nowhere

Let's turn to my favourite Brick Lane. I hope it will not have the same fate, though I sense that Spitalfield is turning to another Covert Garden (oh no, it's soulless).
new fastfood stores, which one do u like?


I admit this picture is quite horrible (I already faded the colour and made the meat less bloody and, i already trimmed the nail) but hey, this is the most delicious beigel in london! (not the one with its name Best Beigel, that's the other one) I was freezing in the street.


oh i met them again! That's the biggest rough trade record (comparatively) in london, drinks and free magazine, good place to kill time.

City of the libertines

where i belong

Tender is the night

"Don't ever let the dark discovers thee"
What is it that holds my soul?

The more that I follow you, the more I get lost ...

well, I lost my soul in paradise

no.33 pottinger street

we don't have 112a teesdale steet
nor any trace of a skinny bearcat
all we have are songs and laughter
frenchdog maker
with glasses of mimosa
if we are lucky
a vague view of arcady, sometimes

before i may have some distraction, let me send this quite early greetings to shamblesb.

恨鐵不成鋼

so i have nothing to say. shouldn't feel any surprise.

prediction

once again i was fascinated by the prediction in facebook, this time, tarot.
Devil in Tarot: lack of control, pleasure and abandon, temptation and addiction, haha.

I say it's devotion.

i'm fucking lost and never fucking found

Hope I know how to use the fucking words so clever.

[edit] i don't know if it's my fault or not, the site keeps to be down after i made it hyperlink here, so i copy it down, sort of reducing the burden of the original site.

the fucking cops are fucking keen

to fucking keep it fucking clean

the fucking chief's a fucking swine

who fucking draws a fucking line

at fucking fun and fucking games

the fucking kids he fucking blames

are nowhere to be fucking found

anywhere in chicken town

the fucking scene is fucking sad

the fucking news is fucking bad

the fucking weed is fucking turf

the fucking speed is fucking surf

the fucking folks are fucking daft

don't make me fucking laugh

it fucking hurts to look around

everywhere in chicken town

the fucking train is fucking late

you fucking wait you fucking wait

you're fucking lost and fucking found

stuck in fucking chicken town

the fucking view is fucking vile

for fucking miles and fucking miles

the fucking babies fucking cry

the fucking flowers fucking die

the fucking food is fucking muck

the fucking drains are fucking fucked

the colour scheme is fucking brown

everywhere in chicken town

the fucking pubs are fucking dull

the fucking clubs are fucking full

of fucking girls and fucking guys

with fucking murder in their eyes

a fucking bloke is fucking stabbed

waiting for a fucking cab

you fucking stay at fucking home

the fucking neighbors fucking moan

keep the fucking racket down

this is fucking chicken town

the fucking train is fucking late

you fucking wait you fucking wait

you're fucking lost and fucking found

stuck in fucking chicken town

the fucking pies are fucking old

the fucking chips are fucking cold

the fucking beer is fucking flat

the fucking flats have fucking rats

the fucking clocks are fucking wrong

the fucking days are fucking long

it fucking gets you fucking down

evidently chicken town

The Road That Taken

It's so accurate that it becomes creepy. The Astrology in Facebook.

I don't know if it is a matter of interpretation (cos' everything we accept as fact, our knowledge, our memory, the person you met, the book you read, movie you watched ... everything, is nothing but your interpretation, decoding and feeling [yes, feeling again, i don't want to abuse this word, but it is the very word]). So i think it is accurate, or maybe it is just me who transfer my meaning to the words.

If there is no road you feel stuck. If there are too many, you also feel stuck. I think no one understand Frost's The Road Not Taken better than me at this moment. Of course I took the road more travelled by while he took the opposite, but still, that has also made all the difference.

suppose my name

I don't know if there is anyone abnormal enough to search his/her own name in google. I know my ex-boss did cos' he was once so excited to declare that he found his name on internet and I rightly pointed out how megalomaniac and abnormal for him to do so. While my accusation is still echoing, I also did such non-sense thing in office now. My reason was (i.e. pretext) it seems indiscreet to go to my blog directly so it's better to go there throught other search engines. The search result is horrid. It's like a summary of my online activities, no matter how remote or irrelevant (like the twitter or yahoo blog that I've registered but never use, and some idioitic comments i've ever made), or how embarrassing like the useless ramblings that overwhelmed this place. I always keep this blog secret to family and collegues (for the whole embarrassing content) but my effort will be in vain if they know my login name. Another discovery is if I have a fan in north america. Yes I know my name is common, the shambles are popular, but to combine the two? ok, what co-incident. what a small world.

skin dry and ugly, how i feel.

Facebook is so addictive that I almost desert my blog. Time to update but actually there is not much to be updated. Still participating that 9-6 rat-race everyday (and probably it will last for the rest of life, how unlucky/lucky). I told myself to stay here for 1 year for the sake of my resume (but maybe i can't get through the probation, who knows? for my total lack of communication and obviously low morale, then i may stay longer in the winterland, how lucky/unlucky). Got an interview last evening, the boss seemed to be pleased with me (yes, i always have that 30-minute good first impression, one of my ex-boss said how i had cheated him, haha), smoked and talked about babyshambles, she's the unusual boss but the job (and herself) seem a bit demanding, OT is a certainty, the office is located in tung chung ... humm, for i still enjoy a drink now and then after work, so i better turn it down today. Work seems to be an origin of anxiety, i wonder if i could tolerate a few years, save a bit and then go quitting and enjoying life for a while. I know it's just a whimsical thought for my earning is pathetically minimal and my spending is if not huge but still considerable. Maybe i should control myself and write down my daily expenses like Gatsby (i mean the great gatsby, not the hair products) in his younger days. Talk about book, my sister strongly recommended the secret diary of adrian mole to me, thinking that i would enjoy any book about freakish teenage boy. No no, not at all. I felt like i was reading bridget jones diary. It was obviously written by a woman. Not cycnical and freakish enough. vernon god little is miles better, not to say catcher in the rye (for holden caulfield already lives inside my brain). turn to read the (not quite) secret diary of peter doherty. actually I could not understand his handwriting so maybe it is still a secret diary. He was frank about his affairs with girls, but of course i looked for the trace about carlos. I have the feeling that they started just as friends but later with some kind of magic/chemistry their relationship was "crystallised" (yes, i felt it between the lines) He never talked about it openly like that with francesca, just some broken phrases, like a whispering, almost a slip of the tongue. "Control? None of it your mother's a drunken old you're the one I worship and adore..." "I put the sick pig to bed ...your love has made misery distant... hypocrit-you are, critic & a hypocrit sucking on your finger plastic bags under your eyes" (ok he may just refer to someone else, but i like to think it as barat). And i was glad to find out an interview once published on the internet but i forgot to print it or save it. It was now in the diary. That is one of my favourites and peter must also feel the same (great minds think alike!) he was compared to keats (or yeats?) and wilde but peter opted for verlaine - "when indistinct meets the precise". I myself love verlaine very much (nothing to do with peter's choice). As a poet verlaine is even better than rimbaud (of course the outlook was totally the other way round). sadly the diary does not include the last part of the interview which was the most interesting, talked about noughts and crosses, the writer ane peter both agreed that was an imitation of life, so meaningless, and the writer felt a bit dejected but peter said something like, this is a game you cannot win, but at the same time you cannot lose. oh isn't he wise! i have typed non-stop, what happened? i must be on the verge of collapse. the title was also what i found in peter's diary, and this is also what i feel now, great minds think alike this time? oh no.

grey sky is like the memory fade

God knows why i like grey sky with drizzling.

This is today's weather.

farewell to my good 7 years

So this is the end. I already start to miss the book (i mean the whole series) and the characters. Seven years seem to be a long period, I was in UK, alive and kicking, when the Philosopher's Stone was first published. Seven years after there is Deathly Hallows and i feel like deathly hollow. harry and hermione are brilliant from the day one, but what i like best is ron and neville, i always love those clumsy children (me so clumsy also), they always live in the shadow of failure, poor things, oh but they finally prove to be very brave and courageous (prove yourself ... why?). And Snape, oh why? why makes yourself so difficult? the saddest man in the book, you win my heart at last. The last series is perfect if it omits the last chapter, middle-age and banal, no, harry potter and co. do not allow to be so ordinary.


"of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

Yes, i know. It is real, because I believe in feeling.

Hysterical and useless

I told myself many times not to listen to the radiohead, or at least not in the public, for each time i can't control my emotion, the sheer chill through the headphones down my spine, blast in your face, no escape. There were moments my tears running down uncontrollably in the underground (people might think how this girl just broke up with her love, no, she was just listening to the radiohead). Today I have a strong urge to pick up planet paradiso again, taking the risk for not feeling normal for the whole day. Alienated and spaced-out. The state I am in.

We say things are multi-faceted, but sometimes it's just binary for me. Whenever i feel alienated and solitude, i feel my whole soul. Most of the time socialising means to kill a part of my soul. of course it means differently if i was with the persons i like. That is why whenever i travelled alone, i feel so myself. I don't know why i got this strange concept of socialising = conformity = exterminate the soul. Maybe i am just anti-social. (the next serial killer)

I can't read anything for the whole morning. all mandarin speakers around me always speak so loud. I am dumb and deaf here and can only communicate in cantonese and english, i wonder if i will stay here for long, or I still linger, for the crime of money ...

yes, i need money, sometimes the soul is cheap, i was told though still in probation, i have several annual leaves before year end, so i need money ...

the likely lads

"He seemed a charming boy to me, whatever he became later. Naturally, I introduced him to _____, the boys took to each other at once, both such brilliant young boys, they got on like a cauldron on fire."

oh, why did i see anything under the shadow of the likely lads?
hey, come on, it's dumbledore and grindelwald, haha. (i am so slow to everything, still reading harry potter and the deathly hollows)

when i get low i get high

that is why i was kept sedated (oh great!)

can i have any entertainment?

This is art (i call it, don't argue). i'm too bored so let paint a bit. This is rather mark rothko and jackson pollock (yes, i say it, don't argue).

makes no difference

so the decision was mine, this time i can't blame anybody or anything, it was myself who wanted to play the game that everybody else is playing, they talk about money, they boast they have plenty, why can't i? i sold my soul for the sake of what? ok i've been loitering for too long, time to please mother, try to walk like normal, and everybody else is busy, documents pending to be read, while my head is still up in the cloud...

to speak is to lie
to live is to collaborate

or

to speak is to collaborate
to live is to lie

makes no difference