Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Hysterical and useless

I told myself many times not to listen to the radiohead, or at least not in the public, for each time i can't control my emotion, the sheer chill through the headphones down my spine, blast in your face, no escape. There were moments my tears running down uncontrollably in the underground (people might think how this girl just broke up with her love, no, she was just listening to the radiohead). Today I have a strong urge to pick up planet paradiso again, taking the risk for not feeling normal for the whole day. Alienated and spaced-out. The state I am in.

We say things are multi-faceted, but sometimes it's just binary for me. Whenever i feel alienated and solitude, i feel my whole soul. Most of the time socialising means to kill a part of my soul. of course it means differently if i was with the persons i like. That is why whenever i travelled alone, i feel so myself. I don't know why i got this strange concept of socialising = conformity = exterminate the soul. Maybe i am just anti-social. (the next serial killer)

I can't read anything for the whole morning. all mandarin speakers around me always speak so loud. I am dumb and deaf here and can only communicate in cantonese and english, i wonder if i will stay here for long, or I still linger, for the crime of money ...

yes, i need money, sometimes the soul is cheap, i was told though still in probation, i have several annual leaves before year end, so i need money ...

4 comments:

galaxy said...

工作只為糊口...at least 可賺錢去旅行嘛.
工作以外你有你天地

kittyshambles said...

但每日工作時間最少都佔全日1/3,(悶足1/3),plus每日睡覺食飯沖涼等雜務,根本沒有空閒玩樂時間,旅行?旅行簡直就是此種生活的根源,辛苦成年(成世)就係為得到那十多日的自由,like a vicious cycle.

britple said...

let's start our bohemian life

kittyshambles said...

yeah, everyone loves to be a bohemian ...
music and poetry, drug and alcohol
sometimes intoxicated
always an escapist