spending warm summer days indoor

After nearly 24 hours queuing, it's finally uploaded here, yeah!

testing, testing

This is my first post written by my mobile. Yes, I finally submitted to the public pressure by giving up the reliable and still-running-good-albeit-nine-year-of-using my 2G nokia and shifted to a smartphone, what a wimpy conformist!  I admitted that I felt so uncomfortable and diffident when I had to pick up my 2G nokia in the public.  Now, I can be like them, the anybody them, comfortably possessing an item identifying me one of the members of this society.

Sounding cynical over triviality? Yes, that's exactly me.  While tolerating the overpriced monthly fee and reducing my time for reading (too bad), I can blog more conveniently (not only in the office for the sake of procrastination).  And I can take sneaky picture, that's so immoral and I actually don't like it, but somehow I just can't help it, such as a couple of days ago, a usual boring and sleepy morning on my way to work, I was suddenly woken up by a "bad guy looking" person (i.e. tatooed chest and dyed hair) sat in front of me.  He has a peter tee that I've never seen before, actually I never met any person who wore a pd tee  in the Hong Kong. 

ranked 412/1000

when i came home today the doorman handed me the cylinder parcel and I wondered what I haven't made any ebay order recently but yeah i really forgot I've so-called pledged it.

my hand, my friend

I just had a minor operation on my right hand a few days ago and I am now having a bit handicap in everything and only from now on I realize how clumsy my left hand is. It can't write properly, even for some simple action like washing face and brushing teeth, it needs extra effort and attention. Of course for these few days of intense training of my left hand, I'm looking forward to having a more developed right brain (i.e. more aesthetic and creative) but having shown the clumsiness of my left hand, I suspect that my right brain is very under-developed and that's.... very depressing. For the bandage around my right hand now looks like a big rice dumpling, I actually shouldn't spend time to type my blog, ...err but i do not want to read the documents on my desk (see, how cruel the world is, I still need go to work after having operation...)

Whine not. We should be glad for our continuation of daily routines, no matter how boring or meaningless they are. My words sound very cliche. But this is what I think for this moment. I got a friend that I always secretly complained about, for her becoming a bored person, degrading herself by not knowing anything new except the taiwan pop idol, no reading no hobbies no interests no point of view. I'm harsh and arrogant I know. I sometimes wondered what life changed her or wore and tear her to such uninspiring state. I sometimes suspected it was her real self and her younger self was just a pretender. She is my old friend, one of my best friends. I have many "once in the lifetime" experience with her. As we grew older, our paths separated. Different priorities and commitments. Our schedules didn't match. Or we just lost interest to each other. We didn't bother to ask or invite each other to attend events. I tended to go to gigs or travel by myself. It sounds like I become independent (but also a loner). I can't judge if it's blessing to have friend(s) with you on the road. Of course to be alone sounds very pathetic (oh I quite enjoy it) but you can be sure that your feeling will remain intact and will not be affected by others. To have friend(s) you will have sweet memories of share laughter, follies and adventures. But I don't know if such sweet memories will some days turn to be a sigh. I hope my friend can have a very quick recovery. I said to her that she would be alright to attend the tat ming pair gig, am i a blind optimist?

yes, i talk incoherently, my usual ramblings.

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因為是那麼複雜矛盾的生活，我的心理，人格等也是各種分子的衝突下存在。我是頂年青的，我愛太陽，愛火，愛玫瑰，愛一切明朗的，活潑的東西，我是永遠不會失望，疲倦，悲觀的。對一切世間的東西，我睜着好奇的，同情的眼，可是同時我却在心的深底裏，蘊藏着一種寂寞，海那樣深大的寂寞，不是眼淚，或是太息所能掃洗的寂寞，不是朋友愛人所能撫慰的寂寞，在那麼的等候，我只有揪着頭髮，默默地坐着，因為我有一顆老了的心。

－我的生活，穆時英

How keen are we on survival?

"I have become so depressed by the fact of my mortality that I have decided to commit suicide." - 4.48 Psychosis, Sarah Kane



TR Warszawa’s production

Maybe it's because of my usual sobriety or my lack of imagination, Sarah Kane had never shocked me when I read her plays. But to see it performing on stage was a completely different matter. I was speechless after the show, for I could hardly distinguish if it was a play or a reality, if it's the words of Kane or it's also my own thoughts. To see the play was like an encounter to your own notion of self-destruction. Was it a life that I want to live? It's particularly painful to watch the main character chanted a series of general desires like "to achieve goal and ambition ... to overcome opposition ... to receive attention ...to belong ...to communicate .... to be loved, to be freed". They are so basic, but also so hard to obtain.


The production of TR Warszawa was definitely terrific:
- The sound effect (constant industrial humming, the dreamy and david-lynch-like "when i fall in love", both so illusory and disillusioned).
- The lighting (i especially like the last scene that the main character was gradually engulfed and eaten by the darkness, with a strange non-stop number-counting voice which only grew louder and louder).
- The scene settings (several scene that i love: "the meeting with a female lover" - I interpret that she was her ideal self, the one that she would never have; "the presence of a child" - the original self, or the childhood that lives within oneself, the one who was not aware that what oneself would become; "the naked old woman wandered around the stage" - the decaying self, what one would become if one continues to live)
- and the main actress (she must be very professional to perform it every night without breaking down).

Dark silhouettes collapse into dream

The Horrors @ KITEC 16.02.2012

It was a strange trip to and fro the dark dreamy labyrinth and the bright dazzling azure. I was almost too absorbed into the atmosphere that I could not divert my attention and took any picture. I just wanted to memorize every moment of it. Though they didn't play their early stuff like the excellent Excellent Choice, I was chuffed that they played my favourite Scarlet Fields and everyone's favourite Sea Within a Sea. It's perfect to end in Moving Further Away, while we were all feeling elated and elevated and moving further away in the sky, they moved away and left us the desire to want more. We could only continue to chant "oh I surrender, this is it". (what a coincidence with my feeling towards Yuck several weeks ago). A clever band, you cast a spell on me that I promise myself I have to see you again.




Definition of cool, end of.

on the other side

If Radiohead said "everyone can play guitar", then how about "everyone can be an artist"? I know the elitists must hate this statement, but for the commoners like me, it's such a great declaration to satisfy one's vanity. A few weeks ago I finally finished the Sketchbook Project just before the deadline (thanks for my usual procrastination). It's the project that everyone can take part in so long as you pay for the sketchbook, draw or make whatever you like with your sketchbook (under a certain theme that you choose) and then post it back before the deadline. The sketchbook will be exhibited and toured(!) among various US cities. Isn't it fun and wonderful just to imagine it?! Err... of course there will be millions of sketchbook in the library and it is doubtful if my sketchbook will be dug out by anyone to read. But hey, as I still haven't travelled to the other side of the world yet, and now my sketchbook is on the road on behalf of me, it's still an exciting idea!


Frankly I don't have any skill or training in painting or drawing but i think painting or drawing is an basic instinct, everyone can draw/paint (humm... but whether it's good or bad, that's another story ;p)

Break it down and then break it up again

Yuck @ Hang Out, Hong Kong 26.01.2012

Oh, that was the guitars sound that I missed so much. The sound that transcended you to a little sublime noise heaven. The sound that made you shaking your head and body automatically and uncontrollably. When I looked around, not many were electrified like me, they all seemed enjoying the music (calmly), but who cares? Though Daniel Blumberg looked very stoned and spaced-out, he still managed to give us a very good show, or it was due to his intoxication that he could deliver that special sense of oblivion to the audience. There was a few magical "my-bloody-valentine" moments, especially for the last song Rubber, waves of white noise, flashes of white light, we were all blinded and stunned by the music and we realized, "Yes, I give in".

tick tick tick...

It is to dedicate to the ones who have difficulty in social interaction, especially for those who are shy and reserved but at the same time with a big me me me ego. That's my excuse for my usual silence and the awful awkwardness in any kind of social gathering with more than three persons.

yes, I'm doodling here and talking nonsense again as I'm waiting for the clock to strike six, no working mood, just waiting for the little holidays (and the lunar new year, that means, there will be many more social gatherings to come, oh my)

Is it this?

We reach this point again (hooray, still alive). It's the end of the year, time to reflect.

I didn't expect my work life would be busy and stressful, for leading a laid-back life is always my ultimate goal. I hope I will make fewer mistakes in my work (or no mistake? Is it possible?). I'm still convinced that I should not study laws (aiya, such wrong step from the very beginning). I am just not that kind of people, those professional, meticulous and ambitious people. But it's too late to say anything or to regret, I know I have to continue. I think I've grown up a bit now, at least I will not escape (oh, or I can't escape).

So much leisure or creative plans have been delayed or disappeared. Routines fill up my life. I don't even have time or the mind to post new entry on this blog, and that glimpse of inspiration or the impulse to write dies down very quickly if you don't grasp it in time. e.g. Initially I wanted to write something about Clockenflag, as I was very high and happy in this event, but later (i.e. now) I just don't feel like writing anything about it. The intriguing fact is, I do not feel bad about it. Sound dangerous, huh, I officially enter the mature adult world. haha, but I still spend time to write up this post, so I may still have some residue of my former self, the one who likes to waste time and idle away.

Before I head back to work, I will like to sum up my yearly favourite music in the following order:


There is a missing piece, good to be incomplete and unfulfilled.

December songs

I can't stand the lyrics, too revealing, too biographical :



This one is also talking about me :



I forgot how I got to know Boo Radleys and fell in love with their music, given that I was (am) such a person who only love the bands with a look. They didn't have the cool image like other britpop bands in the 90's but I did (do) really love them. They always sounds so melancholic, even for those catchy ones. I was very young and should be like that of the old Chinese saying, "for the sake of writing verse, I force myself to be sad" (and "now I know the taste of bitterness but I can only say 'what a nice Autumn'). Yes, I should not have much sadness at that time but I felt that I understood the songs. What a laugh. Now it's getting colder, my hands chilled to the bone, as I listened to the same songs, I can only say, "don't listen to the lyrics, don't make me realize how they become my songs".

December is my month so this is also my song:

60's is such an interesting era, haha. There are other zodiac songs sung by Cosmic Sounds. Let's find out yourself in youtube and see if their psychedelic zodiac prediction matches you. Mine is, err... more like the ideal me (phew).

There is a bluebird in my heart

My recent favourite moments - riding on bus after work and listening to Crazy Clown Time of David Lynch. Everything was dark, with tints of misty yellow under the line of street lamps, the same old wasteland, the same old slow crawling bus and the same old me, feeling dejected, tired or just numb, that's my constant/default mode, sadly no other option. But it is this totally uninspiring state of being fits so much to the album. I think I must have listened to it more than 50 times just over a week. Sounds very addictive, yes, it really is.

Crazy Clown Time was not rated high in many album reviews. The critics said it was repetitive, robotic, and the voice of Mr Lynch was ...err, strange. But maybe I'm such a fan of Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks and Mulholland Drive. I think this album is the audio version of his films, completely enthralling. Some electro-pop songs are so upbeat that it is very hard to believe the songs were written and sung by an old man, some are so dreamy and trippy. They are all dark and cinematic, my brain was just full of vivid images for every song. If David Lynch is not a film director, will he be a psychologist? For those repetitive and fragmented lyrics, I will call them the soliloquies in dreams, something from the subconscious. They are nightmarish, wicked, evil, sometimes absurd, sometimes sublime.

At this moment my most favourite track is "These are my friend" as it always reminds me of Bukowski's Bluebird. I know they are unrelated to each other, but I made the association anyway. Lynch and Bukowski are both good at writing about the lonesome social misfits, those who keep the bluebird in heart and weep at night, (oh, but i don't weep, do you?) trying hard to find the prescription for our problems (by real or imaginary friends?)




David Lynch - Crazy Clown Time (I don't know why, though I like this album, I have a nauseating feeling for the cover)

Fool's Gold

Among all those Sesame Street characters, my favourite is always Oscar. Living in the trash bin, and collecting all kind of junks, huh? is it about me? My family used to call me Oscar when I was a little kid, as they already knew my tendency of collecting junks and keeping all broken toys. Well, I disclose this inglorious past of mine here just because I was too glad to dig out an authentic box of traditional Chinese face powder in a backstreet shopping mall.


I didn't expect that it is still manufactured nowadays, especially still with the traditional packaging. The shopkeeper said it is good for facial hair removal by a thread.

Yes, of course I like to disclose some of my other junks collection:

Tin boxes. Some rusty, some brand new. From UK.



Tin traditional British red post box. Rusty. Brand: Garden. From HK. Found in home.


Tiny jam bottles. Purpose of collection: for storage. (but obviously, I forgot the purpose and just keep them for appreciation.)


Or just any kind of bottles. Beautiful glass for cough syrup or, fermented bean curd.

Anyone got this strange interest as mine, I highly recommend Robert Opie Collection in Notting Hill Gate:

No photo inside. Definitely worth-visiting. Especially for the whole collection of Player & Sons and Craven A.

strange coincidence

While I finished the transfer of my Felt cd to my mp3 player, I found a review of the film "Lawrence of Belgravia" the other day, then I heard a playlist chosen by Lawrence on bbc six, got a copy of MGMT Late Night Tales with lovely Red Indians on and now, received an email promotion from Girls with the title "Lawrence" and, it was indeed a letter from Christ to Lawrence. Wow, Lawrence's everywhere. It's almost like turning a wheel of fortune, this round, spotlight. Of course I'm glad about it, he deserves to be more successful. The film review mentioned that Lawrence of Belgravia was a depressing film about a delusional man. What a sad statement! (Though it also suggested that it may just be a celebration as well.)


This is the first Felt song that I heard, from the time when radio in my hometown would still play indie music (or i should say when our radio would still play music, now there're only djs talking). The song still sounds so cool.

the joy of gifting

Still busy in my uninspiring work, but I think I've grew up a bit, I don't complain anymore. Time may change me, but I can't trace time.

Making gifts for friends are far more interesting.

I got to make one for my cat-lover friend. Each year I got headache for finding cat-related things for her birthday, as she is already an expert collector of all kinds of cute items bearing an image of cat, so making one by myself is not a bad idea, though it may not be a cute item then.

I actually forgot the proper procedures for case binding, or even for making a fabric cover, so this product is obviously flawed, but I was told by the recipient that she loved it, maybe she was being diplomatic?


That one is for my colleague, I still haven't given it to her yet (hope she will not visit this blog). I happened to find a charm with her name on it, so I thought I might just make something for her, as she will leave her post very soon for her phd study, good for her! I usually would not feel any fondness for colleagues (oh, of course with exception for those in my first job - feel fear if they will read it ;p), haha, but she is cute and she is one of those rare people who seem to understand what my weird world is, and the strange fact is, she doesn't listen to the songs nor watch the films I like, and she talks in mandarin while I can hardly speak any mandarin, so maybe our communication is based on mis-communication?

i'm ok in my decay

I'm the missing note of your song,
living in the space of your 2 seconds silence.
I'm the sigh of a reckless traveller,
always running after the departing train.
I'm the meek who shall not inherit the earth,
glazing over in the corner,
gazing at your loving and laughing postures.
I put a smile on my face,
self-effacing, that's what I'm good at.

some suicides are never recorded

It's been a while that I have not visited this place (again), as from the very beginning I already declared that it was a wasted garden. Having said that, I still like the feeling of writing something here (however trivial and unimportant it is) when I was tired of writing something there. Recently I have a feeling that I don't have any particular event that requires me to made a record here (and I was always amazed that how other people could have so many events in or comments to their daily life which fill up their blogs). My life is just routine. Ernold Same is my song.



But I still want to make some entry here, no matter if it is so empty like this one. I admit that sometimes I felt embarrassed by making status updates on facebook. You were either ignored by or received weird comments from your friends. By making updates I can't help guessing what your friends/acquaintances will perceive your words. I feel these thoughts or consideration are some kind of restriction of my freedom. Here is more carefree. It's strange that you always feel more free among strangers, maybe that's the reason why we all like travelling.




Recently I was also busy in transferrng my old cds to my mp3 player, this job never ends. I found out some of my lost (forgotten) treasures. The Boo Radleys, one of my most favourite bands in the 90's, how come I totally forgot them in the noughties? That brought me back my melancholic teenage years. Oh I should make a separate entry about them. Grandaddy, my other favourite in the beginning of the noughties, I didn't totally forget them and sometimes still dug out Sumday (and I like it more than The Sophtware Slump). Oh, these California guys, sunny music but always makes me blue (and that's why I like it, very masochistic). This morning I heard El Caminos in the West, it said "I paint the words a simple wish, for peace of mind and happiness". That's my wish also.

my little airport @ hidden agenda, 27.08.11

May we ease the pain of living the life of Sisyphus
by taking a flight to ...



ok,I'll dive back to my head.


They were cute, angry and sentimental as ever, maybe they're just like everybody else, with many words want to say, many hopes and dreams but also many disappointments.

Use your illusion

This was my little experiment, to see if I could make any simple picture on the spine of a book. I showed it to my sister and told her what it was, she said, she would need a little bit imagination. Haha, it's not bad for stimulating one's imagination.



oh what is it about? let it be whatever you want


always like the paper wrapping from amazon