We were born free but everywhere in chain

Sometimes I do listen to the voice in my heart
and it brings me much condemn and disrepute.











"you were idiotic" colleague said.
(fuck, even compare me with the fans of 183 club, unforgivable)

I hate to admit

that I fall for this magazine sometimes.

When nightmare becomes reality

My computer is hacked, there are .exe files everywhere. I will have to delete all things inside my pc, oh no!!!!!!!!!!!! Those files are, if not bigger than, surely as important as, my life.

I feel like committing suicide.

A decade

If it was not Ms Pretty's invitation, I did not realise that this is the tenth anniversary of the death of Kieslowski. There will be a rememberance of kieslowski in Broadway Cinematheque in July but i'm going have a rememberance of my begone art-house days now.

This person (me) was unashamedly pretentious in the past but reality has reduced me to a humble miserable bore (some may call it down-to-earth as a compliment). I think I must have lost part of my soul in my humdrum mere existence. anyway I will not buy the ticket, that down-to-earh factor urges me to save every penny for the pension scheme (or save the money to buy the dvds).

I remember, I remember

The films selection of the rememberance is quite complete, of course I have only watched part of them. i forgot most of the plots (and the films of kieslowski are also over-analysed so i say no more), what is left is just the feeling but the feeling rambled below is probably twisted by my fading memory.

Liberty, equality, fraternity

We learnt it from the O'Level History lesson, so did in kieslowski's three colours trilogy. In Blue, Juliette Binoche liberated herself from the shadow of Death (the death of her husband, her desire to commit suicide, her mental death by cutting off the contact from the real world). In White, Karol fought for his own equality by getting rich, getting even. In Red, Irene Jocob and the eccentric retired judge developed a strange bond of fraternity. Or is it only a story about Poland - how it shakes off the tragic past, tries to have an equal footing with the world and yearns for the friendship of the west? The themes are highly visualise by colours, if blue is melancholic, red is warm and passionate, then what is white? It is pure and innocent, or bleak and cold in terms of Karl's revenge?

We are bound

But not together

My twin soul

lost and cold

Have you found your shelter?

Still breathing if I'm not around?

I really like The Double Life of Veronique. Irene Jocob was just so ... beautiful. They were so far away from each other but somehow they felt the existence of each other. Their paths did cross once. V1 took a picture of V2, V2 did not aware. They both loved music but made different choices. As beauty and sublime as poetry. The music of Zbigniew Preisner is just breathtaking. A perfect work of art.

Every page of my diary

contains your name .... and your stain

God knows how I fantasise you

and how I pay the price

for my ravenous mind

Dekalog 6 (A short film about Love) is not just my favourite Dekalog, it's my favourite among other kieslowski films. It's about love at the first sight, obsession or, simply voyeurism (but voyeurism has never been described as so innocent before). This is a story for lovers (ha!), but I don't mean the lovers in ordinary sense. Lover is the one who opens his heart to his feeling and who lives in the feeling of love regardless of any return. Sadly such openess will inevitably invite hurt and failure (fragility of openness, oh!). Tomek is the one who opened his heart and got hurt (by cruel sensuality/shattered illusion) but funny enough the ending is the looking-glass reversal, maybe that's because she has opened her heart finally.

Farewell, soldiers

disappointed and heartbreaking.

I'm in like with you

I do not know much about the supporting acts Shotgun She-ras and Waverjane. Shotgun was that country girls rock which I was not very enthusiastic about but they all were so sweet anyway. Waverjane was mellow and melodic, absolutely a nice first encounter.

Yes, this was a Yeti night. How could I imagine Yeti would come to Hong Kong? The Edge was a small club (which usually hosting hip hop nights), no wonder Andrew asked me if there was any better club in Hong Kong (sorry, andrew, i don't think so, or i don't know any, definitely there is no rhythm factory or filthy mcnasty here). Yeti boys did not have any roadies, nor any instruments (at least in Hong Kong), so they had to set up the equipment themselves and borrowed guitars from the shotgun girls. Don't feel bad for them, they absolutely enjoyed themselves, of course so did the fans or the scenesters (you choose it).

I absolutely love every minute of it. John once said that he already knew the formular of success, I've got no doubt, isn't it all about heart and melodies? (like that one particular band?) My favourite are In Like With You (sweet harmony), Moneygod, Merry Go Round, Working For the Industry, Never Lose Your Sense of Wonder and Midnight Flight (they sang almost all their songs which circulated around the net).

So, why Hong Kong? "that's because my aunt lives in Hong Kong" John said, "my cousin is here too" oh, then you should come here often. (actually, andrew also comes here once a year according to what he said, he's got a big family here though he was born in london)






hey, if you take a closer look, the band name on the drums was made by adhesive tape, very diy.

P.S. very nice to have met britple, u're so cute & nice ^^

If you allow yourself to be drowned in the poignant sea

The hilarious cover does not mean the same in the content. There is still a hint of sadness in all the things he said ... (unaccredited in all co-written songs?) or just like he said, he is still the same person, always a bit cynical, a bit suicidal, trying hard to grap his lost sanity. What a complicated person, so gentle and polite in every sense, and turbulent at the heart. maybe wolfie is right to say that he got more demons than the well-known naughty boy.
History must be a ghost to both, "I'd like that he'd like it", or the ghost of the loss of youth? "I've started looking a bit older"

I reckon he is still the co-captain of that good ship. surely knows what romanticism is, "Hey, you want to know what's romantic? That sunset's romantic. The West Pier's romantic. See that? The shadows on the water? It was all burned down and fucked. It's everywhere if you have a goood look"

The only part which made me laugh "I refute allegations of intentional homoeroticism", so it's not intentional, it must be something very natural.

The open road to oblivion

"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."
- Dr. Johnson

Heaven and Hell

My mate Vv has recently publicised some of her works in a magazine. She has a gift for photography and painting and all other artisitc stuff. Seeing is believing:

Heaven:



Blythe is her adopted child

Hell:
Just within my expectation. I was portrayed as an idiotic fangirl (or is it a fact that I refuse to admit myself?) I may (should) dismiss the whole caboodle as a joke. Still, I want to voice out some of my objection:


well, or should I be glad to be referred to as xxx at this age?


hey, I swear I've never gloated. I hate to be called like this. kittyshambles is known to be meek and humble (in fact neither do I like to be meek and humble, what am I?)


..huh?! i don't like to name him as a so-called super star, if he becomes a "super star", I will definitely stop loving him.


The term 第二最愛 makes me goose-skin. That's very wrong, from the beginning I made myself clear that both of these men are important to The Libertines and I respect both of them. Did I keep talking one of them so I must be crazy about that one? (yes you are...)


"these two cold fingers, these crooked fingers I show"
This is very creepy & rude to point to these 2 gentlemen like this, did I do it? I was told to show who were the chaps I rambled about, and so I made this idiotic gesture...

Arbeit Macht Frei

Work is freedom.

(Photo source: http://puck.wolmail.nl/~kosc/Auschwitz%20gallery/pages/Auschwitz%20000.html)



Anteroom to the Gas - Auschwitz
(Photo source : http://www.remember.org/jacobs/Anteroom.html)


The utter cruelty and darkness of human nature.
Obliteration.
Hatred.
Mass insanity.
It did / does happen.





(I was supposed to write something different but I can't help posting the Auschwitz, I am watching bbc and the pope at the auschwitz, feeling shellshocked)

Etiquette and attire

improper and indecorous i am
fresh warning, constant warning
i finally learn that the proper business etiquette and attire
is to wear the funeral suit and countenance
my playful tone and childish steps
i blame it on the sagitarian sun and ascendant
they asked, why i smiled all the time
in fact i feel cold and ennui
wise girl once predicted i would be the first to kill myself
i did not contest
boss asked, if i was like this before
no, i think i was once sober and serious (though some may contest)
boss asked, where did my former self go
i don't know, maybe substance and Bacchus have their roles

Idiotique

No offence really.

This word in fact I feel for myself rather than anybody else. I just feel utterly powerless to say ... what can I say? Series of question throwing at me, "What does arcadia mean?" "What? albion rooms?" "What A Waster, what is it about?" Tried to explain, I sounded like a mad woman in reciting what the lads had said, totally inarticulate and incoherent. Confronted with a pair of blank-eyes, I just thought "oh my, so do you know what the word LIBERTINE means? Please bring your dictionary, girl". Finding the right words, I said "it's not just about music, it's something about literature, poetry, liberty (gosh, I sound like a mad woman again)..." Those pair of blank-eyes just replied, "oh yes, it's about going loose then" ... shxt, I thought (as I was too polite to say it loud). "So what did he say to you?" Oh my, please don't mention it, I will be uncontrollable. "He was not talking, he was stealing, stealing my heart ..." Very idiotic, very fangirl-like, i know.

When I was asked to bring some of my collector items out for photo-taking, blank-eyes saw the magazine cover and shouted, "oh I recognise him, he's the junkie, junkie, junkie ..." Pissed off. I was tongue-tied to make any defence, "he is not what he looks like ...".

The title of the article is "I Am A Fangirl, So What!" with my up-the-middle-finger gesture.

Be undressed ready my angels (oops, lady shouldn't say it)

It's a bit cloudy and chilling in Coventry. Fortunately my hotel was very close to the coach station and Colosseum. With my constant state in delirium, I didn't know how but yes I walked to the private area (which was supposed to be reserved for the family/friends of the bands) and even more strange was that nobody stopped me. Thanked for Lord's mercy arrangement, the fans were as "energetic" (well in fact i mean violent and mosh-loving) as those of Babyshambles (maybe that's because they are the same crowd), I watched them moshed from the fenced area, but later even the fenced area was also crowded by fans but they were not that mosh people and seemed quite polite (kept saying sorry when they bumped into you).

Supporting were Metro Riot and The Young Knives, of course I like The Young Knives more, anyway, my aim was Dirty Pretty Things!!! (screaming)

They sang almost all the songs in Waterloo To Anywhere plus Death on the Stairs (oh my!) and I Get Along. The lads were all on top form and tight. Good band, good songs, good performance, why did I still feel something was missing? (I got the same feeling whenever I watch Babyshambles)

Acutually I quite enjoy seeing Anthony, ha, sharing cigarette with carl, resting his head on carl's shoulder, why the presence of Carl always made other men become a bit gay?

...hmm, my crap photos (excuse: it's hard to take the fotos when all people around were dancing, couldn't have a steady hand)







My only complaint: Carl becomes too chubby, clearly too much alcohol (or pies from annalisa)

You can't avoid art

I'm so lucky that the Martin Kippenberger exhibition is still on at Tate Modern. He's kind of all-rounded man, painting, sculpture, decoration, commercial or what. He somehow played with kitsch but never fall for it, that's the point. He died at 44, genius tends to die young (so cliche).



Nara Yoshitomo, like Kippenberger, likes to make his art on whatever paper, like that of hotel stationery. I never expect I'll see his art in London, but hey, in the tube tunnel ..

I know it's silly but ...

Isn't it just silly to chase around the arcadian dream, though it's already fallen?

I saw two shadow men on the Vallance Road


Saw the same two men on the Cally road

Now my heart is full

Finally got to see Morrissey live. He's a semi-god to me, no joking. (i will die regrettably if I can't see Moz live in my life, can't forgive myself for betrayal of my semi-god just for babyshambles and that's the very wrong decision, Pete didn't show up!!!)


Time clearly leaves a belly to Moz

I was so chuffed to hear first of gang.., still ill and HOW SOON IS NOW!!! Everyone seems to be under the spellbound of Moz, especially during Life is the Pigsty, so beautiful and poignant, tears were about to shed, time to make me realize why I love this man for such a long time.... I was singing Now My Heart Is Full all the way home (well i mean hotel).

Come and chase the arcadian dream

Here the albion bliss,
arcadian dream




Those idiot from .org, WITM8

Yes it's all within expectation

Yes, Pete didn't turn up in Love Music Hate Racism as he was arrested just in the morning, nothing to say. Should I just blame him like every parents or just blind just like every sycophants/groupies/idiotic fangirls/fanboys... Anyway, pete said that it was not an injection, it's just taking some blood out to make art?! i want to give him the benefit of doubt (so i'm the idiotic fangirl).

LMHR without pete was still good, it's a sunny day (but still very chilling). Drew appeared alone to sing Albion, good lad.



Belle and Sebastian was absolutely fabulous, they sang the boy with arab strap!!! blue is still blue, another rainy day, white collar boy, like dylan in the movie, wow, was i in the dream? No babyshambles, but belle and sebastian made up all the loss!



Trafalgar is good indeed, no doubt so many people talked about them in the nasty org.

Another Rainy Day

"Another rainy day, we’re trapped inside with a train set"

Another deja vu.
listened to belle and sebastian this morning, cloudy, rainy, walking in delirium, thinking I was still in london... actually i don't memorize london as cloudy and rainy. my days were always sunny there but it's strange whenever there is grey sky and drizzle, i think of uk, especially london, nostalgic me.

what if i board the good ship albion tonight..
(hope sunny day tomorrow for belle & sebastian and ... babyshambles, if peter bothers...)

Bookcrossing

Have to clear up the pile of old newspaper cutting on my table today and in the course of being such paranoid android, I found an article in Hong Kong Economic Journal (author:馬家輝) about Bookcrossing. Wow, this idea is what I need. I just have headache about the books piling up in my small matchbox home. It's the best way to "dispose" of them (but the word "dispose" is too rude to apply to books). It is also very romantic to let your book float around the world, from places to places, from generation to generation. Isn't it like a mystic thread connecting you with a stranger? You don't know each other but you read the exact same book, share the same vision or just have different notions? What became to the first owner?

I immediately registered myself to the website and will let some of my books float around Hong Kong this week. This is like message in a bottle, you'll never know where it will end to. (but since this is Hong Kong, I think most of my books will end up in trash bin and I will probably be complained by others as litter bug)


Bookcrossing.com
Chinese Bookcrossing 1
Chinese Bookcrossing 2