The beautiful losers

 

Crushed flowers, crushed dreams, crushed ideals.  That is what Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-blooded Orphans all about.  Japanese always like this kind of 敗者の美学.

Sad story.  It  somehow tells the truth and reality.  From my first witness to the civil uprising in Beijing in 1989, for all those revolutions over the world, some were successful, mostly a failed attempt, many more were just a replacement of new dictatorship. Villains always win.  History tells that the little oppressed ones just keep your head down, don't fight the authority, don't question the convention.  But the little oppressed ones will still rise up, quashed, and rise. 

Quasi una fantasia

I saw those
quivering wings of a butterfly
like your fingers
or
your trembling heart

Petals falling
the chronograph we hate

I faintly hear
you murmur
"I'm a rose blooming in the desert...."






#only_music_can_take_your_pain_away

i hope i can still feel the songs

Initially I wanted to write it down in my g+ but thought it was too difficult to type chinese (as i want to make my g+ more local and casual and not using english, my weird rule) so i write it down here, just for my own record, otherwise, my memory will slip away.

and i just discovered, i only have bought 11 albums last year, so these are really my top 10 of 2016 cause' i don't have other choice, my ears are closing, i know.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

No.1 goes to IDOL, no need for reason.  No.2 goes to the originally No.1 (but idol suddenly enters the scene at the end of year), TK's howls are a great comfort and healer to my mind.



Guilty pleasure (i.e. must hide it from my cultural friends) Not belong to the list but as the same time above the list, a great healer to the soul-less body after work:

The rambling otaku

"There is a life and there is a death, and there are beauty and melancholy between."

- Albert Camus

"How can you choose between death and glory?
Happy endings, no, they never bored me.
Happy endings, they still don't bore me,
But they, they have a way
They have a way to make you pay
And to make you toe the line"

- Peter Doherty

... humm, yes, i love sad story, sad characters.  

Why?

Why Isayama Hajime must tear the lovers apart? :'(

For an enthusiastic eruri supporter like me, i feel a sudden disruption to my joy of imagination.

and, if Heichou turns himself to a Kyojin, he will no longer be the strongest "humanity" in the world, no no no, i can't accept this.  but if he doesn't turn himself to be a Kyojin, he seems he can't even survive, no no no!!!!

and, if Heichou really becomes a Kyojin, the manga will then match with the movie version,  hummm.. then heichou will become bad and be defeated by Eren?  NO NO NO!!!

Why Sui Ishida again and again torture the tender Ken Kaneki?  How many metamorphosis will he have to take?  Destroyed and rebuilt, then looks for death as the final solution to all problems, Kaneki runs in circle.

and, Tokyo Ghoul + Tokyo Ghoul re: = manga enunciation of kafka.

hello myself

Foals will come to Hong Kong, great, i need that kind of explosive performance, explosive music, for now, lukewarm i am, that's what i feel for a while.  (maybe that is what it's called - aging!!! sigh sigh sigh) So i haven't login here for a while, not much to say in all common social media, no longer upload any photos to flickr or even ig.

of course i want to see sigur ros again, i'm surprised that they seem to like my hometown, if they'll come, that'll be their third time to be here, haha, don't turn into suede.  My hometown will look down to the act which comes here too frequent, humm... my hometown suffers from very low self-esteem and believes that only the obsolete will come here.

I still love suede dearly.  night thought will definitely be my top-three this year.

so i want to go to summer sonic, but i so lack of money, promised my brother's daughter to bring her to japan next week once she finishes the dse, (and actually i want to go to usj again) and then go nippon again in august?

seldom talk to myself here, feel good to do so, just like that of g+, good place for gibbering.

All's well that ends well

It's coming back to me!  

My wallet.  Dropped it in a van, never have much faith in human nature, especially the people of my own hometown, but .... I got a call from a kind Filipino woman, she picked it up and called me to get it back!!!  Yes, she's definitely an angel and, my useless name cards that I made for myself ages ago finally have its real function, haha.

keep walking

Don't tap against my window,
don't listen at my wall,
don't ask for information,
as the answer's always no.

Collect me from the station,
the blank departure board.

They weren't meant for anyone but me

Lovers rise and fall and fall and rise again 

... and me just fall and fall and fall in love with this album, obviously I will blindly praise and love everything they do, so long as they are back together.  The sea was always rough, albion route was never a peaceful one.  While they are on board, i avariciously consume what they offer.   Have they lost their magic?  For me, the magic is always there.  I don't actually want to review or analyse this album cos' love needs no reason ("It means nothing at all, just for now we have all the time.") First time I heard Milkman's Horse, I was on the train (my usual music session), I was just "are you talking about me?" I need to hold back my tears and not to embarrass myself in the crowed compartment. For all those years running with the boys, the faces I met (and some go missing ...), the insanity committed, the bliss bestowed, sometimes poignant, sometimes elated,  and always, always the vision of that far beyond horizon, Arcadia? Shangri-la?  The Graceland and the Wasteland. These are indeed the impossible dreams they come for me. I, who caught the spell many years ago, still have nowhere on my way, still need to live in my mind and live in that dream.

Poem of farewell

If this world is evil, we are all part of the evil, but I only want to remember your good.



Finally finished the anime Tokyo Ghoul √A.  Of course the manga is much better than the anime.   The anime was intended to be a recreation of the manga but sadly in a mess-up manner.  However, I do like the last chapter of √A, maybe it finally adopted a very melancholic tone like the manga. The last chapter was also a reconfirmation of the death of Hide (as we the manga readers always wanted to believe that Hide was still alive [though it was very obvious that he was devoured by Kaneki], no we couldn't accept that Kaneki would eat the one who loved him most).  Though the anime deleted the whole grand and bloody battle between Kaneki and Arima, it did show that Kaneki was killed (well now we know he's just got seriously hurt) by Arima by the last bit of "click" sound - the opening of the quinques box.  I like all those subtle details.  But what I like most was Kaneki's long walk with "Unravel" again - back to the square one, is the fight futile?



(why this just made me think of my hometown?)

time to water this garden

Since Saturn begins its visit to Sagittarius this year, atmosphere has changed, maybe it's all my psychological effects, seems that I no longer have time to procrastinate in office...  but I really like to gibber here.

It's great that I deserted here for a long time that I don't have any reader now, so I can be incoherent and, yes, gibberish.

Found this a few days ago, I think it's so accurate, haha, Sagittarius, with Aquarius, are the top positive-thinking (...err, really?) dreamers, while the Aries are the most positive-thinking realists.  The most negative thinking ones are my dear Pisces and Scorpio.  It's interesting that it described Pisces as living in the other world (how apt!)  Given that my Ascendant is Scorpio, I have that most anti-social outlook with a true enthusiastic heart, oh, how I was always misunderstood by others .....

So the analysis  (by google translate :) ):
A. Realists:
Positive-thinking + Serious
1. Aries (Fight!)
2. Taurus (reliable brother / sister)
3. Capricorn (Conspirator)
Negative-thinking + Mechanical (i think it means orderly)
1. Scorpio (don't want to contact anyone)
2. Virgo (too calculating)
3. Leo (I'm the number one though I'm so nervous)

B. Dreamers :
Positive-thinking + balance
1. Aquarius (too much me, me, me)
1. Sagittarius (if I feel good, I can survive)
2. Cancer (...err, too much能天氣  i don't have a clue)
Negative-thinking + living in other space
Pisces

Gemini is a bit dreamer but mostly a realist, positive-thinking and very clever (i insist it means cunning).

Libra have all the elements, philanthropist but no one really got into their heart.

And Translation means re-interpretation.

Time to off work, good to procrastinate!

Copy

"You see and hear that they lie," said Ivan Ivanovitch, turning over on the other side, "and they call you a fool for putting up with their lying. You endure insult and humiliation, and dare not openly say that you are on the side of the honest and the free, and you lie and smile yourself; and all that for the sake of a crust of bread, for the sake of a warm corner, for the sake of a wretched little worthless rank in the service. No, one can't go on living like this."

- The Man in a Case, Anton Chekhov 

So true, especially in the present time and space.  I'm clearly the man in a case, too.  (depressing)

Thinking back to the chicken shack

I hope I still have the heart for music but it is indeed I didn't go to gigs much recently.  Maybe I only saw three acts this year (!!! how desiccated I become!!!) but they were all fabulous.


Slowdive @ KITEC, Hong Kong 28.07.2014



Since neil halstead decided to grow his beard and called himself mojave 3, it's like he waved goodbye to his teenage years.  Slowdive became a vague reveries that you may sometimes recall it out of the blue, those dreamlike guitar sound, those long gone shoegazing years.  I never thought I could really see their live but yes, miracle happened.  It's great that neil put down his acoustic guitar, united with his old pals and relived his teenage years once in a while.   What impressed me most was that they were able to turn back the time to the 90's hands down.  Rachel was still charming with her angelic murmuring.  It was just like heaven to be drowned in their guitar sirens.  We were all stunned by the beauty of Golden Hair and chuffed to have the Dagger aimed at our heart again.


Spiritualized @ Rotunda 3, Hong Kong 11.08.2014



At first, I thought I could feel the psyche kicks again but, no no no.  We didn't have any psychedelic lighting or visual backdrop, no Electric Mainline, no effect of having substance.  Instead we had gospel choir and a very haggard Jason Pierce.  Having said that I didn't complain about the lack of any psychedelic element - all is because of the beautiful Always Forgetting With You.   I didn't expect to hear the rare track in The Space Project, but thanks to the tender Jason Pierce.  This bittersweet love song is always my soft spot.


The Libertines @ Alexandra Palace, London 26.09.2014
The Libertines @ Alexandra Palace, London 27.09.2014
The Libertines @ Alexandra Palace, London 28.09.2014



This picture makes me think of the words "dance like nobody's watching" (aka 旁若無人)

You know how devastated I was that I could not go to their Hyde Park reunion gig this summer. What?  I was given a second chance?  This time, the always out-of-luck fangirl did get her prayer answered!!!  (and here what the answer was:)
Yes, The Libertines announced to have London gigs in September and I had to go there no matter what.  After the short libertines film, the three magical nights began (and only the first night got the full version of the film, seems like an opening ceremony, I actually did not like the film playing at the gig, too polished and over-produced, libertines are meant to be raw and impromptu.)   We the old ship crews were glad with the songs in the first night, we had songs that thinking back to the chicken shack, with our secrets to keep us warm.  And we all grew sentimental in You're my Waterloo, that's the love song of Peter and Carlos, isn't it?  I think the boys themselves also got a bit emotional too.  The second night was the wildest.  Maybe it's Saturday and it was like the usual libertines gigs, I had to grasp for my place and my survival.  But maybe love among the band or us towards the band was too great, although the crowd was frenzied, they're also friendly, very paradoxical, right? it's like the libertines, they're pure and perverted, we the fans, violent and amicable.  Naughty Peter played a bit Bang Band You're Dead after Fuck Forever and it followed by What Became of the Likely Lads, ... humm..., what an arrangement.  The final night, my highlight was The Ballad of Grimaldi sung by Carl.  It was also a love song of Peter and Carlos (ok, that's the interpretation of me the abnormal fangirl).  it's about how a man kills the thing he loves.  they've killed each other before.  they're now given the second chance (an answer to fangirls' prayer again?)  I hope the story of the libertines will have a happy ending, for these three magical nights did end splendidly.  hopefully, the myth of albion goes on...

念念不忘 必有迴響

F yeah Hong Kong

The Flaming Lips @ Clockenflap 2014, Hong Kong.
Fuck yeah? No. We are feeling fucked.
This year part of my heart already flew to Admiralty so when Mr Wayne told us to have a smile when seeing their performance, I felt a bit guilty and shame.  When there were people fighting for our behalf, I was enjoying myself and singing
"Those evil-natured robots
They're programmed to destroy us
She's gotta be strong to fight them
So she's taking lots of vitamins
'Cause she knows that it'd be tragic
If those evil robots win
I know she can beat them"
There are indeed evil government machines out there, we all hide and shelter while look for others as Yoshimi.  The stage setting was like a fairyland or in a childish dream, with many psychedelic visions as backdrop.  The confetti rain did give me a moment of bliss.    The whole event was perfectly ended by Do You Realize and Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds.  What can I ask for?

Of course what I memorized most was My Little Airport.  Reflective, thought-provoking, french-speaking, kundera and godard quoting and (pretentiously) intellectual, that is the little airport that we love.  They are turning political, yes, and we just love them more.

My Little Airport @ Clockenflap 2014

Cloud Atlas

From day one, we knew that it wouldn't be an easy road.  We are facing one of the most authoritarian regimes of the world and we know just too well of its (dark) history, of how it mercilessly silenced its dissidents and crushed every quest for freedom and justice.  Too many people with stockholm syndrome, too many cops with crime of banality.  It's like we are fighting for the impossible.  It's time we have to choose if we want to be an intact tile or broken jade, if we want to be a pig in a cage on antibiotics or fight as a human in dignity (and we may lose and ...)

"Oh to fight is to defend if it's not now
then tell me when would be the time that you would stand up and be a man
For to lose I could accept but to surrender
I just wept and regretted this moment,
oh that I, I was the fool

I don't know where the sun beams end and the star lights begins
it's all a mystery
And I don't know how a man decides what right for his own life,
it's all a mystery"

This month's favourite

If everything is too depressing, at least I still have good music.

The Jacques - Weekends

Oh, this is the style I like.  

https://soundcloud.com/the-jacques/weekends-3

CC - Bo Ningen                            

I like it just because it has Jehnny Beth.

Tim Wheeler - Vigil

Tim has aged so much, I always thought he's still the cute guy from Ash.  I like the song and the music video, never saw such melancholic firework. 

 

Forever 君はひとりじゃない

These words are for the people of my hometown who were battered by the evil.  The road is hard, but we soldier on.














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It's always sad to read the final chapter of your beloved manga, though it's a happy ending.

I feel ambivalent if Masashi Kishimoto will continue the story.  I don't want to turn Naruto into another Dragonball Z.  I want Naruto and Gaara just stay 16 forever.







------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
of course the hentai me feel so chuffed by looking the above picture, they finally look into each other's eyes with affection, Sasuke finally accept your love, Naruto!

May I say that it was just too Shakespearean

I am still intrigued by the whole Tokyo Ghoul and I must say that I like the bleak ending very much, though people tend to think that it was incomplete (and from the commercial point of view, I think the author will definitely continue the story).

From the beginning, it already foretold that it was a tragedy but later when Kaneki grew strong, we all had a false hope that things would be changed, Kaneki would protect the weak, beat the evil and together with Kōtarō Amon, the young official of CCG (Commissioner of Counter Ghoul), human beings and ghouls may someday find a way to mutually exist in the world. But the world was simply wrong (that's the central theme of the story!!).  We conflict with each other for existence, no matter it was between ghoul and human, between ghouls or even just between human.  How we crave for existence and how miserable in such craving ("I must eat, to eat is to plunder, to protect, to lose, to make mistake").

I love the way it presents the story, which does not draw everything out, not depict the plot explicitly.   The work is quiet poetic - the constant counting of numbers (not just to remain awareness of the pain of existence, but also means the counting of the minutes/seconds of your life), the encounter of the good and the bad Kaneki (the realization of the futility of all your hard struggles) and the final vision of the smile of clown.

Oh yes, clowns.  The mocking of clowns.  I don't understand why the readers turned hating Uta at the end.  He may be unscrupulous but the tragedy of Kaneki is to a very large extend due to his own personality.  The extreme Type 2 Enneagram - to validate his own worth by the extreme self-sacrifice, just like what Toka said, it is a passive manipulation to others.  The unsympathetic words of Uta remind me of Macbeth's famous words:
"And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death.

Out, out, brief candle!

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing."

Uta the unscrupulous/cool prankster (was he?Actually Kaneki would do what he did no matter what)

Love will indeed tear us apart, to eat your best friend.

To love is to put yourself into a vulnerable position, the collapse of Tsukiyama.

Counting of the final moment, delirious yet sober.

The mocking clown.