How are you my friend?

My silence here means I'm pretty busy in work, that I can't daydream in office or write the useless self-indulgent blog.  But I suddenly want to be lazy for a while, so I am here again to say hello to myself.

Last Friday I had a little meeting with VV, Dada and TMC, the ex-colleagues from my first job.  They are now my friends, and actually we were already friends when we were working together as colleagues.  Yes, I always make a clear division between colleagues and friends and it is something about feeling, I can't really tell the criteria of becoming friends.  Sadly after I left my first job, I could hardly make any friend with colleague anymore.  I think it is my problem, like my heart is closed.  Maybe I become more and more a misanthrope and I feel quite comfortable to be the quiet unnoticed one in work, of course so long as my boss remember to pay me every month.

 

Corny photo style, yeah cheers~

About that last Friday meeting, we no longer talked about the favourite pastime, the future travelling plan or the troubles in work.  We now talked of the marriage life, the consideration of having baby or not and the life of a mummy and her child..... all the talks that I could not contribute much, though I listened hard, inserted some useless comments or enquiries and my friends also tolerated my ignorance and tried to treat me as equal as them (like asked me if I would be a mother or not (huh?!) and were careful not to mention the fact that I was that "politically-incorrect but everybody including male and female like talking and laughing about" the vulgarly and criminally typical aged "leftover" female).   All my friends progress with the progress of time, while I still live in the time 10+ years ago.  Strange, I feel quite comfortable about my out-of-time out-of-space. Very unplanned, unproductive, unambitious, unsuccessful.   Clearly this is the one too poisoned by Bukowski.

In rainbows

Forever
that hide and seek
lost and found
I ask myself:
when will I give up?
The cherry blossoms
or sour whisky
My memory faded
or I just invented it
Ephemeral - ethereal
Fleeting - fleeing
yes, there's nothing to grasp
and my life is wasted away.






but chinaski said,
some lives were made to be
wasted.

God bless

Shocked by the quake in Japan. It's like everything can be collapsed and destroyed just in a second. Every step could be indeed our last.

Oh no, you say you need a friend
but we can't live again
Monday morning comes too fast
You stumble down the diamond path
and every step could be your last
the sunken eyes you just can't see
remind me how you'll never leave
every breath could be your last.

useless but not hysteria

For an autistic person like me, every social interaction always results in awkwardness. A few days ago I just carelessly showed my "staff card holder" to my colleague while accessing the office, my colleague spontaneously threw me the questions of "What (the hell is that useless thing?)" and "Why (did you waste time to make it?)" and gave me a "wtf" facial expression. I could only smile embarrassingly and explained in a rather apologetic tone (without knowing why) that although it's cheap and also of a better quality to buy a proper "staff card holder" in the market, I was such an idle person and liked to make useless things, and also there's a hidden reason (cos' to spell it out would make me even more freakish) that I really like the patterns on the reverse side of envelops.


Is it really so strange? Of course it looks very plain, I could have decorated it more but I made it in a haste at night so I just folded the paper up, in fact I like it plain.


I also like to use the reversed envelop to be a book protector, given that I always read book at the pace of a turtle, my book will end in much wear and tear when I finish it.


Actually paper "staff card holder" may not be a good idea, with no lanyard and always wetted by splashing water, so i made a more proper one by adhersive tape and then pretend to be employed by hmv (oh my teenage dream).

Photo floating

Ｄo you know weeds and flowers
are actually aerials and wires
words across the oceans
through the wind, the drizzle
and the whiff of fragrant

"shh -" silence







If a photo froze a moment to eternity
and i gave my passion in this moment
when i left it on the road
would someone pick up my passion eternally?

did you see the

woke up at 2:00am in the morning, just for the fading image of memories and dreams. is it the same dream? a belief/promise/mirage i keep pursuing. this is the paroxysm of my own anxiety and joy, the soliloquy of an insane in the early morning.

mature words

what the heck is that? i just stumbled into a blog which contains the following mysterious link:

http://usokomaker.com/yoji/

it seems fun, though i don't know the exact japanese meaning.

kitty will be:

haha, i definitely do not go to bed early (but i won't object to the latter part, haha, shameless!)

my chinese name "__和" will be:

what? but it confirms that i really am a "pretty"? haha let's vomit!!!!!

my chinese name "鄧__" in english:

so it means i have this ability or not?

my usual name "kitty tang":

that explains why i always live in poverty.

and my online name "kittyshambles":

oh i love it most!!! yes, i do come from Planet Sensitivity.

friends within darkness, but no friend in the white cube

What if I say no?
What if I say fuck off?
But you don't get it
cos my weakness is,
I was far too polite.




the more i read, the more i fall for him! but his books are always expensive, always put in my wishlist. to quote his verse for my present feeling,



"finally, starved and beaten, I had to go into
the streets to be interviewed for low-paying and
monotonous
jobs
by strange men behind desks
men without eyes men without faces
who would take away my hours
break them
piss on them."

- Charles Bukowski

I don't want to earn my living, I want to live

- Wilde said.

I can only sing :

I stand accused just like you
For being born without a silver spoon
Stood at the top of a hill
Over my town I was found

I've been on the shelf too long
Sitting at home in my bed too long
Got my things and now I'm gone
How's the world gonna take me?

Finding myself used to be hard
But now I see the light
If love is a drug
Then I don't need it

I've been on the shelf too long
Sitting at home in my bed too long
Now it's time to hear my song
How are you gonna take it?

I've been on the shelf too long
Think the words without the song
Never had a way to go
Tell me now I'm taking it
I've been on the shelf too long
I've been on the shelf too long
I've been on the shelf too long

We've got a lot of living to do
There's a door in my mind that's open wide
Come inside come inside

Jesus never saved me
He'll never save you too, and you know!
I've got a little sticker on the back of my boot
This is music





How true.

what is the date of today

Hum hum… makes no sense
Mermaids drown
Birds fall
We choke
But still breathe
He preaches in the street (not manic at all)
Rest assure we are all listening (though we look in awe)
Fly dies in the office
no, it's tinkerbell