Out of focus

I am not unhappy, but also not happy, maybe that is normal.

I am feeling very idle recently, or that is my constant feeling, maybe this idleness will be with me all through my life.  Of course sometimes I idled away my time happily, but now I feel kind of unproductive.  I know there is no rule that we have to be productive or purposeful, but I strongly feel that I am wasting my time.  I lack the spirit, strength and courage to quit it all and start again, or simply reality has taught me considerable lessons.

Frankly I have no complaint to the current state, I love steadiness and I become very money-minded (or in fact i always am).   Thinking if I have the amount of $$$, I can be ............... whatever I want.  That the thought I have had since I graduated but sadly it still remains a wishful thinking.

My friend disappeared for a few days.  I think I sort of understand his reason or feeling.  Of course if I decide to disappear, I will never leave any farewell note on facebook.