344th of January (google told me)

I just found out that today my Google homepage looks like this :



isn't it  sweet? For an old and lonely person like me, this is really a sweet surprise, but this so-called comfort of stranger is actually not even from a stranger, it's not from a person, just your own personal data got handled by a big corporation / system, or I should better think about how they obtain my information, and how they will manage it.  I sound so boring, ruined the little heart-felt tenderness offered to me, I admit I got haunted by my work that my brain is full of rules and regulations and no verse and prose allowed.

Today I actually intended to take some pictures during my busy lunch hour, to produce some memories for today, but all I found in my usual wandering path - bleak, withered, grotesque images, not that great for today memories, (or such realism that I don't need, I got too much).

"last year is dead, they seem to say
begin afresh, afresh, afresh."

they look like me, strange, just hang on to yourself.

sentiment of one second

I was reading the news of Liu Xia while listening to Isaac Gracie's Running on Empty. Strange Juxtaposition. Almost cried in the train.



"This is not how we were meant to be,
I’m running on empty."

周末看書

像是後殖民誌的後記，看後若有所失，若有所得。羔羊。自由。沉靜。

my ears of 2017

2017 was an unhappy year for me.  Still I found my support through music, though it does not offer much help, better than nothing.  I still make the conclusion of my annual albums chart for my own record, fear of dementia.

1. The Horrors - V  / TOY - Clear Shot

Clear Shot was a year 2016 album but I only got it at the beginning of 2017 and I got V at the end of 2017, yes, I'm perfectly out of time.  

2.  Ulrika Spacek - Modern English Decorations

3. 神聖かまってちゃん - 夕暮れの鳥

4. Depeche Mode - Where's the Revolution

5. Lost Horizons - Ojala

6. Arcade Fire - Everything Now

7. Alvvays - Antisocialites

8. Slowdive - Slowdive

9. 欅坂46 - 真っ白なものは汚したくなる

I still have no time to order or download Morrissey and the Pains of Pure at Heart though I think i will like their albums no matter what, maybe they will enter my chart of year 2018.  I like Graham Coxon's Falling and several songs of Willie J Healey, need time to explore.  Cover of Declan McKenna's album is awful (not awesome), though his songs are catchy, ...humm.. better not to touch it.  Peter Perret's Troika is really nice, will dig it more.

My goodbye lives in me

Thank you for being my companion for so many years.  I know I will see traces of you wherever I go for the years to come.  You parted me but actually you will never be parted, 'cos you are part of me and, at the same time, part of me is parted.

Going backwards

"You've been pissed on
For too long
Your rights abused
Your views refused
They manipulate and threaten
With terror as a weapon
Scare you till you're stupefied
Wear you down until you're on their side" 

The latest DM album reminds me a lot of my little hometown. Three years ago, I was stuck in UK watching the news about crack down in my hometown, everything seemed so threatening, but yet there's a glimpse of hope. Today, we see no hope.

comfort music, in the despicable times

it reminds me of the sarah records, the sundays or even the smiths, sweet guitars voice, the good old days.

"your face was supposed to be hanging over me like a rosary", ...err, yeah, i have a thing about "rosary" and of course such wordings remind me of my mr idol.

idle work is good for your health

When life turns sour, find sweetness in triviality.

The beautiful losers

 

Crushed flowers, crushed dreams, crushed ideals.  That is what Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-blooded Orphans all about.  Japanese always like this kind of 敗者の美学.

Sad story.  It  somehow tells the truth and reality.  From my first witness to the civil uprising in Beijing in 1989, for all those revolutions over the world, some were successful, mostly a failed attempt, many more were just a replacement of new dictatorship. Villains always win.  History tells that the little oppressed ones just keep your head down, don't fight the authority, don't question the convention.  But the little oppressed ones will still rise up, quashed, and rise. 

Quasi una fantasia

I saw those
quivering wings of a butterfly
like your fingers
or
your trembling heart

Petals falling
the chronograph we hate

I faintly hear
you murmur
"I'm a rose blooming in the desert...."






#only_music_can_take_your_pain_away

i hope i can still feel the songs

Initially I wanted to write it down in my g+ but thought it was too difficult to type chinese (as i want to make my g+ more local and casual and not using english, my weird rule) so i write it down here, just for my own record, otherwise, my memory will slip away.

and i just discovered, i only have bought 11 albums last year, so these are really my top 10 of 2016 cause' i don't have other choice, my ears are closing, i know.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

No.1 goes to IDOL, no need for reason.  No.2 goes to the originally No.1 (but idol suddenly enters the scene at the end of year), TK's howls are a great comfort and healer to my mind.



Guilty pleasure (i.e. must hide it from my cultural friends) Not belong to the list but as the same time above the list, a great healer to the soul-less body after work:

The rambling otaku

"There is a life and there is a death, and there are beauty and melancholy between."

- Albert Camus

"How can you choose between death and glory?
Happy endings, no, they never bored me.
Happy endings, they still don't bore me,
But they, they have a way
They have a way to make you pay
And to make you toe the line"

- Peter Doherty

... humm, yes, i love sad story, sad characters.  

Why?

Why Isayama Hajime must tear the lovers apart? :'(

For an enthusiastic eruri supporter like me, i feel a sudden disruption to my joy of imagination.

and, if Heichou turns himself to a Kyojin, he will no longer be the strongest "humanity" in the world, no no no, i can't accept this.  but if he doesn't turn himself to be a Kyojin, he seems he can't even survive, no no no!!!!

and, if Heichou really becomes a Kyojin, the manga will then match with the movie version,  hummm.. then heichou will become bad and be defeated by Eren?  NO NO NO!!!

Why Sui Ishida again and again torture the tender Ken Kaneki?  How many metamorphosis will he have to take?  Destroyed and rebuilt, then looks for death as the final solution to all problems, Kaneki runs in circle.

and, Tokyo Ghoul + Tokyo Ghoul re: = manga enunciation of kafka.

hello myself

Foals will come to Hong Kong, great, i need that kind of explosive performance, explosive music, for now, lukewarm i am, that's what i feel for a while.  (maybe that is what it's called - aging!!! sigh sigh sigh) So i haven't login here for a while, not much to say in all common social media, no longer upload any photos to flickr or even ig.

of course i want to see sigur ros again, i'm surprised that they seem to like my hometown, if they'll come, that'll be their third time to be here, haha, don't turn into suede.  My hometown will look down to the act which comes here too frequent, humm... my hometown suffers from very low self-esteem and believes that only the obsolete will come here.

I still love suede dearly.  night thought will definitely be my top-three this year.

so i want to go to summer sonic, but i so lack of money, promised my brother's daughter to bring her to japan next week once she finishes the dse, (and actually i want to go to usj again) and then go nippon again in august?

seldom talk to myself here, feel good to do so, just like that of g+, good place for gibbering.

All's well that ends well

It's coming back to me!  

My wallet.  Dropped it in a van, never have much faith in human nature, especially the people of my own hometown, but .... I got a call from a kind Filipino woman, she picked it up and called me to get it back!!!  Yes, she's definitely an angel and, my useless name cards that I made for myself ages ago finally have its real function, haha.

keep walking

Don't tap against my window,
don't listen at my wall,
don't ask for information,
as the answer's always no.

Collect me from the station,
the blank departure board.

They weren't meant for anyone but me

Lovers rise and fall and fall and rise again 

... and me just fall and fall and fall in love with this album, obviously I will blindly praise and love everything they do, so long as they are back together.  The sea was always rough, albion route was never a peaceful one.  While they are on board, i avariciously consume what they offer.   Have they lost their magic?  For me, the magic is always there.  I don't actually want to review or analyse this album cos' love needs no reason ("It means nothing at all, just for now we have all the time.") First time I heard Milkman's Horse, I was on the train (my usual music session), I was just "are you talking about me?" I need to hold back my tears and not to embarrass myself in the crowed compartment. For all those years running with the boys, the faces I met (and some go missing ...), the insanity committed, the bliss bestowed, sometimes poignant, sometimes elated,  and always, always the vision of that far beyond horizon, Arcadia? Shangri-la?  The Graceland and the Wasteland. These are indeed the impossible dreams they come for me. I, who caught the spell many years ago, still have nowhere on my way, still need to live in my mind and live in that dream.

Poem of farewell

If this world is evil, we are all part of the evil, but I only want to remember your good.



Finally finished the anime Tokyo Ghoul √A.  Of course the manga is much better than the anime.   The anime was intended to be a recreation of the manga but sadly in a mess-up manner.  However, I do like the last chapter of √A, maybe it finally adopted a very melancholic tone like the manga. The last chapter was also a reconfirmation of the death of Hide (as we the manga readers always wanted to believe that Hide was still alive [though it was very obvious that he was devoured by Kaneki], no we couldn't accept that Kaneki would eat the one who loved him most).  Though the anime deleted the whole grand and bloody battle between Kaneki and Arima, it did show that Kaneki was killed (well now we know he's just got seriously hurt) by Arima by the last bit of "click" sound - the opening of the quinques box.  I like all those subtle details.  But what I like most was Kaneki's long walk with "Unravel" again - back to the square one, is the fight futile?



(why this just made me think of my hometown?)

time to water this garden

Since Saturn begins its visit to Sagittarius this year, atmosphere has changed, maybe it's all my psychological effects, seems that I no longer have time to procrastinate in office...  but I really like to gibber here.

It's great that I deserted here for a long time that I don't have any reader now, so I can be incoherent and, yes, gibberish.

Found this a few days ago, I think it's so accurate, haha, Sagittarius, with Aquarius, are the top positive-thinking (...err, really?) dreamers, while the Aries are the most positive-thinking realists.  The most negative thinking ones are my dear Pisces and Scorpio.  It's interesting that it described Pisces as living in the other world (how apt!)  Given that my Ascendant is Scorpio, I have that most anti-social outlook with a true enthusiastic heart, oh, how I was always misunderstood by others .....

So the analysis  (by google translate :) ):
A. Realists:
Positive-thinking + Serious
1. Aries (Fight!)
2. Taurus (reliable brother / sister)
3. Capricorn (Conspirator)
Negative-thinking + Mechanical (i think it means orderly)
1. Scorpio (don't want to contact anyone)
2. Virgo (too calculating)
3. Leo (I'm the number one though I'm so nervous)

B. Dreamers :
Positive-thinking + balance
1. Aquarius (too much me, me, me)
1. Sagittarius (if I feel good, I can survive)
2. Cancer (...err, too much能天氣  i don't have a clue)
Negative-thinking + living in other space
Pisces

Gemini is a bit dreamer but mostly a realist, positive-thinking and very clever (i insist it means cunning).

Libra have all the elements, philanthropist but no one really got into their heart.

And Translation means re-interpretation.

Time to off work, good to procrastinate!

Copy

"You see and hear that they lie," said Ivan Ivanovitch, turning over on the other side, "and they call you a fool for putting up with their lying. You endure insult and humiliation, and dare not openly say that you are on the side of the honest and the free, and you lie and smile yourself; and all that for the sake of a crust of bread, for the sake of a warm corner, for the sake of a wretched little worthless rank in the service. No, one can't go on living like this."

- The Man in a Case, Anton Chekhov 

So true, especially in the present time and space.  I'm clearly the man in a case, too.  (depressing)