There's a little piece of land I aspire

I was the yearning eyes in the shadow. I was the shadow. I hid in the dark, collecting pieces of your dreams. You were oblivious (because you are not of this world), chanting your spell (both you and the crowd indulged in madness), sometimes sad (but always playful). I was the outsider of your town, or of everywhere (maybe I am also not of this world). But I like to see you. You are that fading dream. Half forgotten. Still shimmer on the horizon. Maybe I am collecting ruins. Guffaw of the last decade. Time has left traces to you. But time has not changed you.


Mr. Doherty, looked happy.


Babyshambles @ O2 Academy, Birmingham 14.10.13

 
Babyshambles @ 02 Academy, Leicester 15.10.2013


Babyshambles @ The Junction, Cambridge 17.10.13

Romance at short notice

Literally back from the dead ("find what you love, and let it kills you").

But will they love you, the way, the way I loved you?

I intended to write immediate after the gig but I was too busy with everything, I now seem to be calm down a lot, but i will try to trace back my feeling (yes, I have reached the age of numbness, my feeling is the most precious thing that I do want to record it whenever I sense it).

Suede @ AsiaWorld Expo, 29.09.2013

I lost count of the times that I went to see Suede or Mr. Anderson.  I only know that whenever he made summons, I would attend without any consideration.  A ritual? A binding? I don't know.  It's the least I can do for someone I have liking for so many years.  Yes, I admit that now I don't have the full attention to him like what I did in the past.  I have many distractions, and routines sometimes wore my passions away.  So I just loyally attended the gig, without expectation that I would be surprised, a karaoke night as what had happened 2 years ago, though I also really longed to hear the band playing their new songs. 

I wrote this prologue that is because it was an unusual night.  Maybe the new album did inject a new energy to the band. Maybe we the fans suddenly remembered our long forgotten love.  It's like old lovers falling in love again. We sang out loud the old songs as well as the new songs.  The first song of night "Faultlines" already predicted it all, ".... Celebrate, there is no fear now, there is no fear now for us to feel."  And of course, we felt so young again.

How can I not utter any words of worship to Mr. Anderson?  He was extremely sexy that night, because it was his birthday?  I wore my erotic glasses the whole night, sorry.

The real prologue:
It was the first official autograph session of suede I attended.  I remember in the Coming Up era, there was also an autograph session in hmv but I didn't have the pass, I was always a failed stalker, always too slow or too shy to chase my idols.  This time if it was not ppp's reminder, I would have failed to attend it again (thank you ppp).  So, the first time was always nervous.  Even in such an old age.  I was always an uncool fan so I tried hard to play it cool.  Just a request for signature, with my trembling hands.   No photo taken with the band, no "physical attack" on Brett.  Very regretted in retrospect.

Confession d'un enfant fou

So where is the dreamy-eyed boy who sang the stories of sail and arcady?  "Bang bang I'm gone" but I still need your love.  Having told that the music of this album would not be written by Peter, I initially did not have high expectation for it but clearly I was wrong, the music of Mick and Drew sounds surprisingly good, authentically babyshambles.  The opening Fireman is already a punk anthem and I know this album cannot be wrong.  If there is a thing called "comfort food", well, this sound is surely my "comfort music".  The new pair works and you have found your new pair son, though I always though of the old person.   I twisted the meaning of your words to find the trace of the old pair, sorry, authors are always dead.

When asked to choose between this and that, I'll take the former every time.  I am talking about myself.  That's what I do.  Habit.  Addiction.  And "each man had his freedom and it was (not) ours to say, how to behave, oh who's to say".  Am I finding excuse for or being partial to the author? (of course I am) No, no, I only know it's about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (or simply makes you .... stranger like the joker said?!)  And I only know it would be great if I could find a big big joint and flow in the reggae dr. no.

It's worrying that you have mentioned that your were tied.  It's me who am always tied.  It's me who have already fallen from grace.  But you are my shambolic libertine, I will not allow you to surf the sorrow, drop your tears to the sea and sell your soul to destiny.

 Enough of my idiotic sound and fury, signifying nothing.  You warn that you will break the heart in two.  But I still cling to your sound, your ramblings, because the seeds are sown.  Sure, that is the sequel to the prequel.

Monster by Urasawa Naoki

OK, I was so late to get in touch with this comics.  And now I love it so much.  I think the following pictures may sum the story up.

 Some random thoughts (and the spoiler):


Fear can bring out the worst of us.  Everyone of us live a monster in ourselves, it's just if our monster will be awaken one day.   But we are free to choose if we let the monster sleep or wake it up.

Does anyone notice that Johan likes to raise his hand like the "monster" who took his sister (though he thought it was him) away?  Victim can become a perpetrator by imitation!

In order to deny the world, we either kill others or kill ourselves.

For me, the most heartbreaking moment is the last chapter (The Real Monster) which explains why Johan develops into a monster. Despair and loneliness of the abandoned.

The empty bed, Johan is dead? He was going to find his mother? He escaped again to do more evil deeds?  It's up to your interpretation.  Of course I personally want to believe that he walked out to find his mother, but we don't know.  Maybe it's like the Life of Pi, you choose the ending.  After all, it's the life that we make the choice.

Take your poet to work day

Do you know today is the "Take Your Poet To Work Day"? I just discovered it and indeed I always bring my poet to work, not just for today. Yes, we do need our poet to be our companion in the most uninspiring environment.

As I really feel uninspired and arid, I will still leave this garden for a while.

Hold on the light

Something we should hold on, to memorize and encounter, the cruel facts of history, to resist the overwhelming force of forgetfulness, hidden in their lies and sedation, our daily routines, numbness and arrogance.

他們在這世界上面不停地奔跑，一不小心就改變了我們
我們在這世界上面不停地奔跑，一不小心就改變了生活
他們在這世界上面不停地奔跑，一不小心就改變了我們
我們在這世界上面不停地奔跑，一不小心就改變了生活
他們在這世界上面不停地奔跑，一不小心就改變了我們
我們在這世界上面不停地奔跑，一不小心就改變了生活
又有誰就這樣的看著你，懷春的少女陷入哀傷
生命曾經閃耀思想的容光，我們不能失去信仰

Psalm from the Icelanders

Sigur Ros @ AsiaWorld Expo, Hong Kong 21 May 2013

I did not cry like what I did 7 years ago. Maybe I was less sentimental now, I did not feel their overwhelming melancholic beauty like the last time. Instead, I felt the autumnal rhapsody, the festive firework, the dark glow, almost a celebration in secret. From the cool oceanic swim to the fire from within, those were the Icelandic psalms that never failed to cleanse the soul.


I have to memorize the moments, the lights and the shadows, the universe that hides within.

broken phrases

I went to bed with a headache. The humid sultry summer night. Another sleepless night. My head was so stuffy that my mind was so empty. My mind was so awakened that my heart was so confused. Disturbed by vague plans, fragments of memories, noise in my head, semi-imagination, semi-nightmares. A sick stomach, a sick head, trapped in the darkness, trapped in the heat, trapped in a city.

Run with the boys

Carl Barat, Gary Powell, Anthony Rossomando and Callum Ryan @ Hang Out, Hong Kong 10.05.2013


indie boys strip club (again)

Our arcadian love and passion last year was strong enough to bring the boys back to the town. Not an impromptu gig anymore, most of us the die-hard fans got the early-bird tickets in March and since then we anticipated the excitement that they would give us one more time. Carl and the boys were as energetic as before, always tried to dedicate his whole heart and soul to the crowd. However, it was my heart that was missing. Maybe I was too tired for a Friday night, or maybe much of the excitement last year was due to the surprise and impromptuness of the gig that I had to follow the news on facebook all the time, but I knew to a very large extend was that my heart was still under the spellbound of Blur which has cast on me since Monday (6 May 2013) that I could not immediately shift my attention to another event and band. See, I was always unfair to Mr Barat whom I have much respect and liking. I still enjoyed the gig (so Mr Barat don't be mad). There were some surprises in the setlist such as Blood Thirsty Bastards and Horrorshow and I wish I could be more familiar with some of his new songs like War of the Roses and Victory Gin beforehand that I could be more responsive. Of course I still jumped and shouted like crazy for the libertines songs, there is something that I will never give up.


I forgot to bring camera (how could I!!!!) so I got to rely on my phone, all the photos seem a bit weird.

well, it really really really could happen

Oh this blog is turning to be my gig journal, seems like I will only update it after seeing a gig.

Blur @ AsiaWorld Expo, Hong Kong 6 May 2013

But I still can't find the right words to express my excitement, happiness and gratitude for Blur. Yes, I feel so grateful that they're back together again and more importantly, they came to my little melancholic hometown, a town that is full of frowns. Oh but today is different (maybe it's just for today). Even the long-disappearing sun turns up again, I feel so energetic, refreshing but also nostalgic. I miss that feeling, and know what exactly that feeling is. It was the time when I was still a student, time was abundant and passing very slow, when radio would play lovely britpop or grunge (or at least radio would play music, not talk-show) and when my hometown was still living under the union jack. Gibberish of an anglophile, sorry, but Blur is clearly the very quintessence of British band, and that is why they're lovely, you know what I mean.

The night was opened by Girls & Boys. The crowd was lifted instantly and you could tell that it must be an exciting night. Series of hits, of course. I lost my voice by screaming and singing all night long (how we like to sing along, although the words are wrong). Amongst the hyperness, I was struck by the sudden sadness of For Tomorrow and The Universal. (well, hyper and sad, if I was a bit bipolar?) The lyrics made me think of the powerlessness of my hometown and myself, some unlikely dreams, and how we lull ourselves. Well, but that night was my lucky night, sad no more, it's not "and it really, really, really could happen", it did really happen, Blur was in front of me! The finale, Song 2, my most favourite, was it too perfect to squeeze out my last drop of energy to jump and sing at the end?

Milkbox gift!

How are you my friend?

My silence here means I'm pretty busy in work, that I can't daydream in office or write the useless self-indulgent blog.  But I suddenly want to be lazy for a while, so I am here again to say hello to myself.

Last Friday I had a little meeting with VV, Dada and TMC, the ex-colleagues from my first job.  They are now my friends, and actually we were already friends when we were working together as colleagues.  Yes, I always make a clear division between colleagues and friends and it is something about feeling, I can't really tell the criteria of becoming friends.  Sadly after I left my first job, I could hardly make any friend with colleague anymore.  I think it is my problem, like my heart is closed.  Maybe I become more and more a misanthrope and I feel quite comfortable to be the quiet unnoticed one in work, of course so long as my boss remember to pay me every month.

 

Corny photo style, yeah cheers~

About that last Friday meeting, we no longer talked about the favourite pastime, the future travelling plan or the troubles in work.  We now talked of the marriage life, the consideration of having baby or not and the life of a mummy and her child..... all the talks that I could not contribute much, though I listened hard, inserted some useless comments or enquiries and my friends also tolerated my ignorance and tried to treat me as equal as them (like asked me if I would be a mother or not (huh?!) and were careful not to mention the fact that I was that "politically-incorrect but everybody including male and female like talking and laughing about" the vulgarly and criminally typical aged "leftover" female).   All my friends progress with the progress of time, while I still live in the time 10+ years ago.  Strange, I feel quite comfortable about my out-of-time out-of-space. Very unplanned, unproductive, unambitious, unsuccessful.   Clearly this is the one too poisoned by Bukowski.

You know I'll take just a little bit more

A very late record for my nth time visit to Taiwan in December last year.   Let me finish it on the first working day of the new year (so I can procrastinate again).

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This time I made a little breakthrough that my visit was no longer confined to Taipei. I stayed a few days in the Yilan County and it was quite an interesting experience. It's nice to ride through acres of rice fields, hearing old-fashioned local folk songs on the bus with DJs speaking their local dialect.  Actually I quite like their local folk songs, sound like the old style Japanese songs.


train going through acres of rice fields

I lived in Luodong town as I planned to "sweep through" its night market every night. I soon regretted my choice.  Obviously a porn business also operated within my hotel ....

Luodong town, with casinos and barber shops

National Center for Tradition Arts - It's a place specially designed for tourists (so it made me think of Ngong Ping 360 in my hometown) with shops selling traditional handicrafts or food.   Having said that, as I was indeed a tourist, I think it is still worth-visiting.

interesting shops for tourists

Plum Blossom Lake - I guess the name was due to the shape of the lake that it looks like a plum blossom.  I visited it on a rainy day (in fact, it's so rainy for my whole staying in Yilan), there were not many tourists and it made me the sour misanthrope very happy.  I like its transquillity, misty air and of course the cute bear bear cafe.   

atmospheric in the rain

Below is a beautiful red-bricked cafe in Yilan town opened by 黃春明老師.   I got this information from the shop manager and of course as a philistine, I did not know much about Mr. Wong so I kept a dump look and only took interest in the book 大便老師 on the bookshelf .  It was only when I went back to the hotel and did a google search that I realized Mr. Wong was the author of 看海的日子and 兒子的大玩偶.  Oh I've seen those movies!    What a uncultured person I am!  The deco, the menu and the food were said to be designed by Mr. Wong, and it is quite a comfortable place.

red-bricked cafe


Memorial Hall of Founding of Yilan Administration - beautiful Japanese architecture and garden.

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As usual my purpose to go to Taiwan was to see a concert and that was no exception for my trip in the last December.  I think my longing to see a Spiritualized gig must be dated back to the time of Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space and I like their early stuff very much.  Jason Pierce didn't disappoint me.  That was exactly what I was looking for.  It was amazing how the music and the visuals together would transcend you to, well, yes, the space.  I had a few moments of doubt and reveries if I had taken something to feel the way I felt.  Of course that's only the magic of sounds and visions.



Spiritualized @ Neo Studio, Taipei, 9 December 2012