Is it this?

We reach this point again (hooray, still alive). It's the end of the year, time to reflect.

I didn't expect my work life would be busy and stressful, for leading a laid-back life is always my ultimate goal. I hope I will make fewer mistakes in my work (or no mistake? Is it possible?). I'm still convinced that I should not study laws (aiya, such wrong step from the very beginning). I am just not that kind of people, those professional, meticulous and ambitious people. But it's too late to say anything or to regret, I know I have to continue. I think I've grown up a bit now, at least I will not escape (oh, or I can't escape).

So much leisure or creative plans have been delayed or disappeared. Routines fill up my life. I don't even have time or the mind to post new entry on this blog, and that glimpse of inspiration or the impulse to write dies down very quickly if you don't grasp it in time. e.g. Initially I wanted to write something about Clockenflag, as I was very high and happy in this event, but later (i.e. now) I just don't feel like writing anything about it. The intriguing fact is, I do not feel bad about it. Sound dangerous, huh, I officially enter the mature adult world. haha, but I still spend time to write up this post, so I may still have some residue of my former self, the one who likes to waste time and idle away.

Before I head back to work, I will like to sum up my yearly favourite music in the following order:


There is a missing piece, good to be incomplete and unfulfilled.

December songs

I can't stand the lyrics, too revealing, too biographical :



This one is also talking about me :



I forgot how I got to know Boo Radleys and fell in love with their music, given that I was (am) such a person who only love the bands with a look. They didn't have the cool image like other britpop bands in the 90's but I did (do) really love them. They always sounds so melancholic, even for those catchy ones. I was very young and should be like that of the old Chinese saying, "for the sake of writing verse, I force myself to be sad" (and "now I know the taste of bitterness but I can only say 'what a nice Autumn'). Yes, I should not have much sadness at that time but I felt that I understood the songs. What a laugh. Now it's getting colder, my hands chilled to the bone, as I listened to the same songs, I can only say, "don't listen to the lyrics, don't make me realize how they become my songs".

December is my month so this is also my song:

60's is such an interesting era, haha. There are other zodiac songs sung by Cosmic Sounds. Let's find out yourself in youtube and see if their psychedelic zodiac prediction matches you. Mine is, err... more like the ideal me (phew).

There is a bluebird in my heart

My recent favourite moments - riding on bus after work and listening to Crazy Clown Time of David Lynch. Everything was dark, with tints of misty yellow under the line of street lamps, the same old wasteland, the same old slow crawling bus and the same old me, feeling dejected, tired or just numb, that's my constant/default mode, sadly no other option. But it is this totally uninspiring state of being fits so much to the album. I think I must have listened to it more than 50 times just over a week. Sounds very addictive, yes, it really is.

Crazy Clown Time was not rated high in many album reviews. The critics said it was repetitive, robotic, and the voice of Mr Lynch was ...err, strange. But maybe I'm such a fan of Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks and Mulholland Drive. I think this album is the audio version of his films, completely enthralling. Some electro-pop songs are so upbeat that it is very hard to believe the songs were written and sung by an old man, some are so dreamy and trippy. They are all dark and cinematic, my brain was just full of vivid images for every song. If David Lynch is not a film director, will he be a psychologist? For those repetitive and fragmented lyrics, I will call them the soliloquies in dreams, something from the subconscious. They are nightmarish, wicked, evil, sometimes absurd, sometimes sublime.

At this moment my most favourite track is "These are my friend" as it always reminds me of Bukowski's Bluebird. I know they are unrelated to each other, but I made the association anyway. Lynch and Bukowski are both good at writing about the lonesome social misfits, those who keep the bluebird in heart and weep at night, (oh, but i don't weep, do you?) trying hard to find the prescription for our problems (by real or imaginary friends?)




David Lynch - Crazy Clown Time (I don't know why, though I like this album, I have a nauseating feeling for the cover)

Fool's Gold

Among all those Sesame Street characters, my favourite is always Oscar. Living in the trash bin, and collecting all kind of junks, huh? is it about me? My family used to call me Oscar when I was a little kid, as they already knew my tendency of collecting junks and keeping all broken toys. Well, I disclose this inglorious past of mine here just because I was too glad to dig out an authentic box of traditional Chinese face powder in a backstreet shopping mall.


I didn't expect that it is still manufactured nowadays, especially still with the traditional packaging. The shopkeeper said it is good for facial hair removal by a thread.

Yes, of course I like to disclose some of my other junks collection:

Tin boxes. Some rusty, some brand new. From UK.



Tin traditional British red post box. Rusty. Brand: Garden. From HK. Found in home.


Tiny jam bottles. Purpose of collection: for storage. (but obviously, I forgot the purpose and just keep them for appreciation.)


Or just any kind of bottles. Beautiful glass for cough syrup or, fermented bean curd.

Anyone got this strange interest as mine, I highly recommend Robert Opie Collection in Notting Hill Gate:

No photo inside. Definitely worth-visiting. Especially for the whole collection of Player & Sons and Craven A.

strange coincidence

While I finished the transfer of my Felt cd to my mp3 player, I found a review of the film "Lawrence of Belgravia" the other day, then I heard a playlist chosen by Lawrence on bbc six, got a copy of MGMT Late Night Tales with lovely Red Indians on and now, received an email promotion from Girls with the title "Lawrence" and, it was indeed a letter from Christ to Lawrence. Wow, Lawrence's everywhere. It's almost like turning a wheel of fortune, this round, spotlight. Of course I'm glad about it, he deserves to be more successful. The film review mentioned that Lawrence of Belgravia was a depressing film about a delusional man. What a sad statement! (Though it also suggested that it may just be a celebration as well.)


This is the first Felt song that I heard, from the time when radio in my hometown would still play indie music (or i should say when our radio would still play music, now there're only djs talking). The song still sounds so cool.

the joy of gifting

Still busy in my uninspiring work, but I think I've grew up a bit, I don't complain anymore. Time may change me, but I can't trace time.

Making gifts for friends are far more interesting.

I got to make one for my cat-lover friend. Each year I got headache for finding cat-related things for her birthday, as she is already an expert collector of all kinds of cute items bearing an image of cat, so making one by myself is not a bad idea, though it may not be a cute item then.

I actually forgot the proper procedures for case binding, or even for making a fabric cover, so this product is obviously flawed, but I was told by the recipient that she loved it, maybe she was being diplomatic?


That one is for my colleague, I still haven't given it to her yet (hope she will not visit this blog). I happened to find a charm with her name on it, so I thought I might just make something for her, as she will leave her post very soon for her phd study, good for her! I usually would not feel any fondness for colleagues (oh, of course with exception for those in my first job - feel fear if they will read it ;p), haha, but she is cute and she is one of those rare people who seem to understand what my weird world is, and the strange fact is, she doesn't listen to the songs nor watch the films I like, and she talks in mandarin while I can hardly speak any mandarin, so maybe our communication is based on mis-communication?

i'm ok in my decay

I'm the missing note of your song,
living in the space of your 2 seconds silence.
I'm the sigh of a reckless traveller,
always running after the departing train.
I'm the meek who shall not inherit the earth,
glazing over in the corner,
gazing at your loving and laughing postures.
I put a smile on my face,
self-effacing, that's what I'm good at.

some suicides are never recorded

It's been a while that I have not visited this place (again), as from the very beginning I already declared that it was a wasted garden. Having said that, I still like the feeling of writing something here (however trivial and unimportant it is) when I was tired of writing something there. Recently I have a feeling that I don't have any particular event that requires me to made a record here (and I was always amazed that how other people could have so many events in or comments to their daily life which fill up their blogs). My life is just routine. Ernold Same is my song.



But I still want to make some entry here, no matter if it is so empty like this one. I admit that sometimes I felt embarrassed by making status updates on facebook. You were either ignored by or received weird comments from your friends. By making updates I can't help guessing what your friends/acquaintances will perceive your words. I feel these thoughts or consideration are some kind of restriction of my freedom. Here is more carefree. It's strange that you always feel more free among strangers, maybe that's the reason why we all like travelling.




Recently I was also busy in transferrng my old cds to my mp3 player, this job never ends. I found out some of my lost (forgotten) treasures. The Boo Radleys, one of my most favourite bands in the 90's, how come I totally forgot them in the noughties? That brought me back my melancholic teenage years. Oh I should make a separate entry about them. Grandaddy, my other favourite in the beginning of the noughties, I didn't totally forget them and sometimes still dug out Sumday (and I like it more than The Sophtware Slump). Oh, these California guys, sunny music but always makes me blue (and that's why I like it, very masochistic). This morning I heard El Caminos in the West, it said "I paint the words a simple wish, for peace of mind and happiness". That's my wish also.

my little airport @ hidden agenda, 27.08.11

May we ease the pain of living the life of Sisyphus
by taking a flight to ...



ok,I'll dive back to my head.


They were cute, angry and sentimental as ever, maybe they're just like everybody else, with many words want to say, many hopes and dreams but also many disappointments.

Use your illusion

This was my little experiment, to see if I could make any simple picture on the spine of a book. I showed it to my sister and told her what it was, she said, she would need a little bit imagination. Haha, it's not bad for stimulating one's imagination.



oh what is it about? let it be whatever you want


always like the paper wrapping from amazon

When suede is doing it again

Suede @ AsiaWorld-Expo, Hong Kong 11.08.2011



singing I can't get enough


This city loved suede. Maybe it still does. Frenetically, people moved with the beat, shouted out loud every word of songs (maybe not for Obsession). Forgetting the betrayal of yesterday, the fact that they seldom pick up any back catalogue and really play it for once, the lukewarm response to the works of the members of the band. Maybe people were generally capricious. It feels like, we all suddenly rediscovered their music and their beauty, we were all so eager for this band (or we were all so eager for a lost era). Maybe it doesn't matter at all, so long as we really enjoyed that particular moment. We did not think much about the past, nor the future. Maybe that's the beauty of that night.









So why? Why do i sound a bit sour? My usual worthless pride and snobbery of being a so-called time-honoured loyal fan? I hope the reunion will just be a rare incidence or, if they will really work together again, I hope our love towards them will stay as strong as what we have shown in that night. For my dear vocalist, though he looks tough and rough, acts like he doesn't care, you know he's definitely very sensitive and cares a lot (oh, how unfair I am, my attention is always just drawn to one person).

I talk to God, but the sky is empty

This movie somehow makes me think of The Turin Horse, both involve the issues of human existence, the struggle of life, the universe that contains us, the existence of God. While The Torrin Horse is bleak and hopeless, The Tree Of Life is very religious. Series of prayers/confessions/queries to God, sometimes it's a cry for help, sometimes it's a doubt of His existence. There were many scenes of climbing up the stairs, looking up the sky, i think it symbolizes our constant urge to seek the truth, or simply our want of edification. The film may be thought-provoking but it's not very touching (or at least it fails to touch me). Maybe it's too preachy, especially the last scene of "all together now" reconciliation of your own self, family, friends, neighbour or even strangers, although I do not entirely oppose to what it preaches (i.e. love and grace), we human being, those ungraceful Nature ones, do not like to be preached. So I admit that the quote that impressed me most is "What I want to do, I can't do. I do what I hate."

Fragile with care

I made this when i heard that he was in jail again. Not a happy theme. Actually, I don't think he is the one who likes to say goodbye, he just comes and goes, like a libertine. Now, he's free, yeah! And I should make a new one with the title "we'll meet again".

Little adventure

I enjoy very much the aimless wandering in the vast garden/wasteland near my office, although there is fierce sunshine that probably no UV lotion can shield against it or wild grasses everywhere that arouse my paranoia of any mosquito, wasp or even snake hidden on the way.


of course the sea gives me much imagination and association, but it's a bit ironic that I live a monotonous robotic life in such scenic surroundings, which should be a place for vacation.


Oh, I still love this ironic place, see what I found today? A very big muchroom! I have never seen a living muchroom (not the ones in supermarket). There are several others scattering in the wasteland, they all look delicious! (and strangely enough this one has an aura, i get high by just looking at it!)

How the world keeps going nowhere

And this still life is all I ever do

From the moment I woke up, I kept reminding myself of the most important task of today. When the clock struck 10, I immediately logged on and clicked for a ticket. Almost an automation, yes, of course for the same group and the same person. It's not a question of devotion or dedication, it's a habit. Hey, it's Brett Anderson, no, it's Suede.

So when it was their UK reunion tour, I was surprised by myself that I only ordered for the Dog Man Star night. Maybe I didn't want to leave my mum (or bring my mum out) too many nights or, maybe my love for the band has died a little so I was not that enthusiastic ... but after the show, I'm sure it was the former reason as I still found my beloved band charming and enjoyable, but...

Actually I do not want to write any review for this Dog Man Star night, though I would rate it stunningly good (if not perfect). Anderson's voice was immaculate. Every track of Dog Man Star and b-side should be recognized as a classic so to hear it live was a celestial experience. It should be a perfect night, or I may say my recent uk trip should be perfect if my mum did not hurt her leg during the Suede night (it scared everyone! Lesson: don't bring any elderly to gig, even if she insisted). So I left before the end of the show - I feel so insufficient of suede now. And that explains why I have such urge to book their coming gig to Hong Kong.


At first felt so satisfied for the balcony's view


But later felt so dissatisfied for the distance from mr anderson


Brixton didn't leave me a good impression.

Moments

When the flight was accelerating and began to take off, I felt such acceleration was like a tearing force, torn my heart into pieces, torn me apart from that land, the land that I knew too well that I almost lost the tourist's enthusiasm but still I would not doubt my fondness for return one day.

She said the sky was beautiful, when I pushed her on a wheelchair passing through the long and silent corridor of departure. Yes indeed. I said "this is the London sky, please keep the scene in your mind." I felt a sudden strike of sadness after saying these words. She smiled and said I could return any day I wanted. Yes, I know.

In rainbows

Forever
that hide and seek
lost and found
I ask myself:
when will I give up?
The cherry blossoms
or sour whisky
My memory faded
or I just invented it
Ephemeral - ethereal
Fleeting - fleeing
yes, there's nothing to grasp
and my life is wasted away.






but chinaski said,
some lives were made to be
wasted.

Let me show you the world in my eyes

Just another game

Time killer

I know I'm not (and I won't be) good at parchment work as I lack the necessary patience and attention to details which is the a-must requirement. Euphemistically I call myself freestyler, haha, a pretext for clumsiness, and that's why I like decoupage and scrapbook much more. But having said that, I do want myself to be more skillful in parchment making, in the hope of training me more elegance, err... don't vomit.

He was there

Bob Dylan @ Kowloonbay International Trade and Exhibition Centre, Hong Kong 13.04.2011


Dylan and his shadow (this made me think of the split personalities/identities as suggested in I Am Not There)

First, I must admit that I am not very familiar with all Dylan's songs, so I attended the show merely from a pilgrim's perspective, thinking I should pay a visit to this legendary person, if chance arise. Of course what I got from the night was more than a pilgrim's experience. Bob still rocks with his band, especially the extended Highway 61 Revisited (oh but he didn't play Desolation Row while he played it the previous night!) Groovy and blue, men with office attire who flooded the venue already took off their suits and ties, intoxicated and danced crazily. Bob seemed quite enjoy the vibe and the scene and bestowed flashes of sneaky smile.

So, about that constant question for each show of this Asian tour - Will he? Will he not (play the Blowing in the Wind)? For a man who has such large repertoire, and for a song that has played over 40 years, I was not disappointed about the omission or thought that Dylan was self-censored. The closing tune Forever Young, "May you always know the truth, and see the lights surrounding you, may you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong" I would like to think that these are the words Dylan dedicated to us.

Because everything's in ruins

The Turin Horse

"Because everything's in ruins. Everything's been degraded, but I could say that they've ruined and degraded everything. Because this is not some kind of cataclysm, coming about with so-called, innocent human aide. On the contrary... It's about man's own judgement, his own judgement over his own self, which of course God has a hand in, or dare I say: takes part in. And whatever he takes part in is the most ghastly creation that you can imagine. Because, you see, the world has been debased. So it doesn't matter what I say because everything has been debased that they've acquired, and since they've acquired everything in a sneaky, underhand fight, they've debased everything. Because whatever they touch - and they touch everything - they've debased. This is the way it was until the final victory. Until the triumphant end. Acquire, debase. Debase, acquire. Or I can put it differently if you like: to touch, debase and thereby acquire, or touch, acquire and thereby debase. It's been going on like this for centuries. On, on and on. This and only this, sometimes gently, sometimes brutally, but it has been going on and on. Yet only in one way, like a rat attacks an ambush. Because for this perfect victory it was also essential that the other side... That is, everything that's excellent, great in some way and noble should not engage in any kind of fight. There shouldn't be any kind of struggle, just the sudden disappearance of one side, meaning the disappearance of the excellent, the great, the noble. So that by now these winning winners who attack from the ambush rule the earth, and there isn't a single tiny nook where one can hide something from them, because everything they can lay their hands on is theirs. Even things we think they can't reach - but they do reach - are also theirs. Because the sky is already theirs and all our dreams. Theirs is the moment, nature, infinite silence. Even immorality is theirs, you understand? Everything, everything is lost forever! And those many noble, great and excellent just stood there, if I can put it that way. They stopped at this point, and had to understand, and had to accept that there is neither god nor gods. And the excellent, the great and the noble had to understand and accept this right from the beginning. But of course they were quite incapable of understanding it. They believed it and accepted it but they didn't understand it. They just stood there, bewildered but not resigned, until something - that spark from the brain - finally enlightened them. And all at once they realized that there is neither god nor gods. All at once they saw that there is neither good nor bad. Then they saw and understood that if this was so, then they themselves do not exist either! You see, I reckon this may have been the moment when we can say that they were extinguished, they burnt out. Extinguished and burnt out like the fire left to smolder in the meadow. One was the constant loser, the other was the constant winner. Defeat, victory, defeat, victory and one day - here in the neighborhood - I had to realize and I did realize, that I was mistaken, I was truly mistaken when I thought that there has never been and could never be any kind of change here on earth. Because, believe me, I know now that this change has indeed taken place."

My Flash Delirium

MGMT live @ Kowloonbay International Trade & Exhibition Centre, Hong Kong 30.03.2011


Flash Delirium as the opener, how apt it was!!! I must admit that I'm still deliriously happy even it's nearly 1 week after. Since some time last year, I fell under the charm of this band so you may understand how I began my delirium when I heard that they would have a gig in my little hometown. And then, boom! Euphoria always flashed past unnoticed. Those ecstasy-filled songs such as Time To Pretend and Kids never failed to hypnotize the whole crowd into a state of bewitched rapture, we were all intoxicated by the beats and sound and oxymoronic to the lyrics, we did not have control anymore. But what i like most for the night was that they played nearly the whole Congratulations except the nightmarish Lady Dada. "When it's over, to breathe in everything exposed" what did it bring? A sweet trip. An escape. A lost. But did we find again? The last two songs were pretty autobiographical, The Handshake and Congratulations (and, I never thought The Handshake could be so psychedelic!). I was a bit lost. My trip ended, the show ended. The last two songs told me (and the band) what the reality was like. They seem to play well in this game of balancing reality and idealism (while i never know how to play this game) and I hope they will continue to manage well in this game (cos' they're called MGMT).



The visuals on the backdrop were so much like the visuals after consuming substance (hey, i was told about it)


my fellow sagittarian hid behind the amp


ok, i tried hard to control my idiotic fangirl gene