When the going gets tough, the tough gets going

"And worse I may be yet: the worst is not So long as we can say 'This is the worst'."

King Lear, Shakespeare

One should have a sense of humour like Shakespeare when series of touble come.

As instructed by my boss, I should have recorded a particular TV channel for a court case but ... I recorded a wrong channel!!! Well, a groaning morning ...

... and, I still received the call from someone I don't want to get in touch with, how to disappear completely?

In place of regret were the good times we spent

If life becomes too miserable, all I need is pop songs.

Special Needs keeps playing in my headphone. I want to think of nothing.

All plans are meaningless. Something we take it for granted, we treat it as routine, we treat people as our daily backdrop, we do not really listen to them, or talk to them.

I do not have good relation with my father. We are like strangers. I am his less favourite child. I do mind of this kind of preference but I am not feeling hatred now. I am not a good daughter too.

Never like the building called hospital, (who will like it?) it's so dark and cold in the midnight. There were baby's crying, human's groaning, unknown machine's bleeping.

I am so fatigued, physically, mentally.

Only you can bring back the good old days

Back To The Bus Babyshambles

If my memory does not fail me, this is the second Back to the Bus. I always thought this Back to the Bus series are something like the Back to Mine series or Under the Influence series, i.e. a trick to rip off money from the die-hard fans of a particular band or band's member by asking such band to quote their favourite songs and then make a compilation album. However, Back to the Bus series are still better than the rest. Not only there is an exclusive interview with the band, its artwork is always interesting. I think this one with Babyshambles is indeed "super-kawaii" (with slight magic touch of peter and drew?)

The songs chosen are just fabulous. There are my favourites Cazals and B & S, but what makes it really special is that the songs chosen are a bit autobiographical, unintentional maybe. Chinese Rock and Needle of Death are too obvious. Making Time (The Creation) just made me think of Can't Stand Me Now ("Tellin' lies, closing your eyes, making more excuses. Pullin' the wool, actin' the fool, people have their uses ... Why do we have to carry on, always singing the same old song ...").

Litt'lans' Their Way, what can I say? I can listen to this bitter-sweet song forever.

Jail Guitar Doors was spookily predictive. I remember Peter has quoted some lyrics of this song "... I'll tell you about Pete, didn't want no fame, gave all his money away, 'Well there's something wrong, it'll be good for you, son.' And so they certified him insane..." in one of his Books of Albion (I forgot which one), he must feel the same way (and i couldn't help laughing when I saw it at that time). Of course that was the time before burglary. To listen to this song now, it becomes even more spookily coincident with the lyrics "... waiting for trial, twenty-five thousand bail, if he goes down, you won't hear his sound, but his friends carry on anyway. Fuck 'em!" (and his ex-band members will then reply "I get along just singing my songs people tell me I'm wrong Fuck 'em!", oops, shouldn't make joke to all the events)

In the early interview, Peter always made reference to Love and so it's no surprise for having a Love's song, but Your Friend and Mine? It gave me goosebumps when I just heard the first line "Only you can bring back the good old days" and then "Only you still can see a memory, like what about the time you took my arm, said come with me you don't have to be strong, said here's a little something to relax your mind, now that we are two of a kind my friend, all we are is two of a kind".... I was thinking too much.

Yes, I was thinking too much cos' there're no good old days anymore. Only hatred remains. The last song What Katie Did, with the early 2003 Babyshambles Session, the version which I love most, I was somewhat disappointed to see the credit was given to Alan Wass!!! OK, Wass maybe a session man in recording this song and is talented in his own way, but I definitely do not believe that this song was co-written with Alan Wass!!!

You know, one day your dream will kill you

"Madame Bovary, c'est moi." Flaubert said so, and so did Mr Edward Lam. Et toi?

As a long-time admirer of Mr Lam (hope he doesn't mind this confession of love from an opposite sex), I don't know if I just blindly praise his every production or what. Both entertaining and thought-provocative, Madame Bovary Is Me(包法利夫人們) is still "very Edward Lam/not quite normal Edward Lam" (非常林奕華). I specially like the actors/actresses from Taiwan, they are very impressive.

The story was set in the 19th Century France, but strangely it can still apply to today society. Some may say a woman's life is no longer depending on her husband so this story is not relevant anymore. I do not agree - not only to the fact that many women (sadly) still think that the value of their lives are totally depending on their husbands (so finding a good husband is the ultimate life achievement), it's also because this story is not just a woman's story, it's a story for everyone (unless you don't ever have any dream or aspiration).

It is easy to be a moralist to blame Emma (Madame Bovary) for how she had destroyed herself and her family. Yes she was not a pleasant character but I think her demons were mainly due to reading too much literature and having too much romantic reveries. Entrapped in a mundane life, albeit comfortable, the dream-eyes girl spent her life to find the passions only glittering in her dream. She was trying hard, but all in vain. Don't we are all a bit like Emma in trying hard to break the shackles of banality and chasing the dream shimmering on the far horizon? The only difference is, Emma chose to end her life when life disappointed her, but we choose to submit to reality. Emma was an avoidant, loser, or the one who insisted her vision and finally killed by her dream? We are the conformists, survivors, or the ones who kill our dream?

Anyway, does everyone have dream? Or there are some lucky ones who reach their dream so not everyone is Madame Bovary? Or it's just the freak like me always believe there is some sublime beauty somewhere? But I sometimes think that there is no such thing as attainable dream, once you get it, it's not a dream anymore. The unfulfilled/unrealised nature of dream is what the beauty is.

在英倫尋找Arcadian Dream

本來只想於豆瓣寫的書評，回心一想何不也放在自己的blog，一稿多用。



England Is Mine: Pop Life In Albion from Wilde to Goldie - Michael Bracewell

Arcadia，一個已消失的理想國度，又或其實只是一個存在於幻想的國度。在Michael Bracewell眼中，這濛濃幻影正是英倫流行文化的精髓。無論是Oscar Wilde，寫實電影大師Lindsay Anderson，處境喜劇泰斗Sid James，又或悲情自憐自大者Morrissey，每位當代流行文化的Icon人物，總是對自己身處的世代感到格格不入，窮一生去找尋存在於記憶深處的一個浪漫國度，理想的日子仿佛已過去，其實大家都在懷一個不曾存在過的舊。

Arcadia對於英倫流行文化，其實又豈止是Bracewell所說的一次又一次的懷舊與思古！微妙又牢固的階級觀念，欲處處強調公平遊戲守則；隱藏又不可忽略的社會禮節規範(Decorums)，偏又喜歡革新破格； 對自身Englishness既驕傲又自嘲；另外，過度的工業化及城市化使都市人對田園生活充滿憧憬，但生活在田園小鎮的又對四周千載不變的人與事感到納悶非常，英倫生活上的種種自相矛盾，不正就是像arcadian dream般矛盾？在浪漫的牧人與諸神寫詩飲酒的同時，偏就巧遇死神的蒞臨；在天真的笑薔下， 卻是墜落的開始。

喜愛某隊樂團的，一定發現本書對兩位主將的影嚮，由Wilde到The Only Ones到Sid James到頹廢生活經典A rebours，更甚至其特別的 calligraphy。


每個chapter的 title所用的字體，真的和其中一名主將的字體非常相像呀!

1 Sept - Back to School Again

No. That's not a matter for me anymore, but I really want to say it, just to pretend that I'm a student. That's the cliche that we only value the things we no longer have. I saw many Form One - ers this morning, clumsy and nervous, some with their parents, cutie little things! I bet they do not feel the joy like I do. I remember the horrid feeling at the beginning of school term, especially if that was the first year to secondary school - the oversize school uniform looked so ugly on my skinny body (yeah, I was once skinny), my hairdo was disastrous , schoolbag was so heavy and obsolete, everything was just not right, out of time and out of place, while strangers were everywhere .... (given my crap social skill, it's still the same but strangers is not a big problem for me now, I tend to ignore them and live inside my head). I was not bright nor lovable, the faceless dumb in class waiting for the end of lessons so that she could go to Mongkok to find any new issue of depeche mode. Past challenge is the most easiest so I can now look back with a smile.

Well I probably will have this fond feeling towards my work when I work no more (wow, that wll be the end of the world - hands stop, month stops, save and except I win mark six).