We were born free but everywhere in chain

Sometimes I do listen to the voice in my heart
and it brings me much condemn and disrepute.











"you were idiotic" colleague said.
(fuck, even compare me with the fans of 183 club, unforgivable)

I hate to admit

that I fall for this magazine sometimes.

When nightmare becomes reality

My computer is hacked, there are .exe files everywhere. I will have to delete all things inside my pc, oh no!!!!!!!!!!!! Those files are, if not bigger than, surely as important as, my life.

I feel like committing suicide.

A decade

If it was not Ms Pretty's invitation, I did not realise that this is the tenth anniversary of the death of Kieslowski. There will be a rememberance of kieslowski in Broadway Cinematheque in July but i'm going have a rememberance of my begone art-house days now.

This person (me) was unashamedly pretentious in the past but reality has reduced me to a humble miserable bore (some may call it down-to-earth as a compliment). I think I must have lost part of my soul in my humdrum mere existence. anyway I will not buy the ticket, that down-to-earh factor urges me to save every penny for the pension scheme (or save the money to buy the dvds).

I remember, I remember

The films selection of the rememberance is quite complete, of course I have only watched part of them. i forgot most of the plots (and the films of kieslowski are also over-analysed so i say no more), what is left is just the feeling but the feeling rambled below is probably twisted by my fading memory.

Liberty, equality, fraternity

We learnt it from the O'Level History lesson, so did in kieslowski's three colours trilogy. In Blue, Juliette Binoche liberated herself from the shadow of Death (the death of her husband, her desire to commit suicide, her mental death by cutting off the contact from the real world). In White, Karol fought for his own equality by getting rich, getting even. In Red, Irene Jocob and the eccentric retired judge developed a strange bond of fraternity. Or is it only a story about Poland - how it shakes off the tragic past, tries to have an equal footing with the world and yearns for the friendship of the west? The themes are highly visualise by colours, if blue is melancholic, red is warm and passionate, then what is white? It is pure and innocent, or bleak and cold in terms of Karl's revenge?

We are bound

But not together

My twin soul

lost and cold

Have you found your shelter?

Still breathing if I'm not around?

I really like The Double Life of Veronique. Irene Jocob was just so ... beautiful. They were so far away from each other but somehow they felt the existence of each other. Their paths did cross once. V1 took a picture of V2, V2 did not aware. They both loved music but made different choices. As beauty and sublime as poetry. The music of Zbigniew Preisner is just breathtaking. A perfect work of art.

Every page of my diary

contains your name .... and your stain

God knows how I fantasise you

and how I pay the price

for my ravenous mind

Dekalog 6 (A short film about Love) is not just my favourite Dekalog, it's my favourite among other kieslowski films. It's about love at the first sight, obsession or, simply voyeurism (but voyeurism has never been described as so innocent before). This is a story for lovers (ha!), but I don't mean the lovers in ordinary sense. Lover is the one who opens his heart to his feeling and who lives in the feeling of love regardless of any return. Sadly such openess will inevitably invite hurt and failure (fragility of openness, oh!). Tomek is the one who opened his heart and got hurt (by cruel sensuality/shattered illusion) but funny enough the ending is the looking-glass reversal, maybe that's because she has opened her heart finally.

Farewell, soldiers

disappointed and heartbreaking.