Kitty's kept sedated

Break it down and then break it up again

2012-01-27T16:07:00.006+08:00

Yuck @ Hang Out, Hong Kong 26.01.2012

Oh, that was the guitars sound that I missed so much. The sound that transcended you to a little sublime noise heaven. The sound that made you shaking your head and body automatically and uncontrollably. When I looked around, not many were electrified like me, they all seemed enjoying the music (calmly), but who cares? Though Daniel Blumberg looked very stoned and spaced-out, he still managed to give us a very good show, or it was due to his intoxication that he could deliver that special sense of oblivion to the audience. There was a few magical "my-bloody-valentine" moments, especially for the last song Rubber, waves of white noise, flashes of white light, we were all blinded and stunned by the music and we realized, "Yes, I give in".

tick tick tick...

2012-01-20T17:18:00.004+08:00

It is to dedicate to the ones who have difficulty in social interaction, especially for those who are shy and reserved but at the same time with a big me me me ego. That's my excuse for my usual silence and the awful awkwardness in any kind of social gathering with more than three persons.

yes, I'm doodling here and talking nonsense again as I'm waiting for the clock to strike six, no working mood, just waiting for the little holidays (and the lunar new year, that means, there will be many more social gatherings to come, oh my)

Is it this?

2011-12-30T14:30:00.024+08:00

We reach this point again (hooray, still alive). It's the end of the year, time to reflect.

I didn't expect my work life would be busy and stressful, for leading a laid-back life is always my ultimate goal. I hope I will make fewer mistakes in my work (or no mistake? Is it possible?). I'm still convinced that I should not study laws (aiya, such wrong step from the very beginning). I am just not that kind of people, those professional, meticulous and ambitious people. But it's too late to say anything or to regret, I know I have to continue. I think I've grown up a bit now, at least I will not escape (oh, or I can't escape).

So much leisure or creative plans have been delayed or disappeared. Routines fill up my life. I don't even have time or the mind to post new entry on this blog, and that glimpse of inspiration or the impulse to write dies down very quickly if you don't grasp it in time. e.g. Initially I wanted to write something about Clockenflag, as I was very high and happy in this event, but later (i.e. now) I just don't feel like writing anything about it. The intriguing fact is, I do not feel bad about it. Sound dangerous, huh, I officially enter the mature adult world. haha, but I still spend time to write up this post, so I may still have some residue of my former self, the one who likes to waste time and idle away.

Before I head back to work, I will like to sum up my yearly favourite music in the following order:

There is a missing piece, good to be incomplete and unfulfilled.

December songs

2011-12-09T11:48:00.002+08:00

I can't stand the lyrics, too revealing, too biographical :

This one is also talking about me :

I forgot how I got to know Boo Radleys and fell in love with their music, given that I was (am) such a person who only love the bands with a look. They didn't have the cool image like other britpop bands in the 90's but I did (do) really love them. They always sounds so melancholic, even for those catchy ones. I was very young and should be like that of the old Chinese saying, "for the sake of writing verse, I force myself to be sad" (and "now I know the taste of bitterness but I can only say 'what a nice Autumn'). Yes, I should not have much sadness at that time but I felt that I understood the songs. What a laugh. Now it's getting colder, my hands chilled to the bone, as I listened to the same songs, I can only say, "don't listen to the lyrics, don't make me realize how they become my songs".

December is my month so this is also my song:

60's is such an interesting era, haha. There are other zodiac songs sung by Cosmic Sounds. Let's find out yourself in youtube and see if their psychedelic zodiac prediction matches you. Mine is, err... more like the ideal me (phew).

There is a bluebird in my heart

2011-12-02T15:45:00.001+08:00

My recent favourite moments - riding on bus after work and listening to Crazy Clown Time of David Lynch. Everything was dark, with tints of misty yellow under the line of street lamps, the same old wasteland, the same old slow crawling bus and the same old me, feeling dejected, tired or just numb, that's my constant/default mode, sadly no other option. But it is this totally uninspiring state of being fits so much to the album. I think I must have listened to it more than 50 times just over a week. Sounds very addictive, yes, it really is.

Crazy Clown Time was not rated high in many album reviews. The critics said it was repetitive, robotic, and the voice of Mr Lynch was ...err, strange. But maybe I'm such a fan of Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks and Mulholland Drive. I think this album is the audio version of his films, completely enthralling. Some electro-pop songs are so upbeat that it is very hard to believe the songs were written and sung by an old man, some are so dreamy and trippy. They are all dark and cinematic, my brain was just full of vivid images for every song. If David Lynch is not a film director, will he be a psychologist? For those repetitive and fragmented lyrics, I will call them the soliloquies in dreams, something from the subconscious. They are nightmarish, wicked, evil, sometimes absurd, sometimes sublime.

At this moment my most favourite track is "These are my friend" as it always reminds me of Bukowski's Bluebird. I know they are unrelated to each other, but I made the association anyway. Lynch and Bukowski are both good at writing about the lonesome social misfits, those who keep the bluebird in heart and weep at night, (oh, but i don't weep, do you?) trying hard to find the prescription for our problems (by real or imaginary friends?)

David Lynch - Crazy Clown Time (I don't know why, though I like this album, I have a nauseating feeling for the cover)

Fool's Gold

2011-11-28T16:29:00.002+08:00

Among all those Sesame Street characters, my favourite is always Oscar. Living in the trash bin, and collecting all kind of junks, huh? is it about me? My family used to call me Oscar when I was a little kid, as they already knew my tendency of collecting junks and keeping all broken toys. Well, I disclose this inglorious past of mine here just because I was too glad to dig out an authentic box of traditional Chinese face powder in a backstreet shopping mall.

I didn't expect that it is still manufactured nowadays, especially still with the traditional packaging. The shopkeeper said it is good for facial hair removal by a thread.

Yes, of course I like to disclose some of my other junks collection:

Tin boxes. Some rusty, some brand new. From UK.

Tin traditional British red post box. Rusty. Brand: Garden. From HK. Found in home.

Tiny jam bottles. Purpose of collection: for storage. (but obviously, I forgot the purpose and just keep them for appreciation.)

Or just any kind of bottles. Beautiful glass for cough syrup or, fermented bean curd.

Anyone got this strange interest as mine, I highly recommend Robert Opie Collection in Notting Hill Gate:

No photo inside. Definitely worth-visiting. Especially for the whole collection of Player & Sons and Craven A.

strange coincidence

2011-11-10T16:18:00.003+08:00

While I finished the transfer of my Felt cd to my mp3 player, I found a review of the film "Lawrence of Belgravia" the other day, then I heard a playlist chosen by Lawrence on bbc six, got a copy of MGMT Late Night Tales with lovely Red Indians on and now, received an email promotion from Girls with the title "Lawrence" and, it was indeed a letter from Christ to Lawrence. Wow, Lawrence's everywhere. It's almost like turning a wheel of fortune, this round, spotlight. Of course I'm glad about it, he deserves to be more successful. The film review mentioned that Lawrence of Belgravia was a depressing film about a delusional man. What a sad statement! (Though it also suggested that it may just be a celebration as well.)

This is the first Felt song that I heard, from the time when radio in my hometown would still play indie music (or i should say when our radio would still play music, now there're only djs talking). The song still sounds so cool.

the joy of gifting

2011-11-07T17:03:00.003+08:00

Still busy in my uninspiring work, but I think I've grew up a bit, I don't complain anymore. Time may change me, but I can't trace time.

Making gifts for friends are far more interesting.

I got to make one for my cat-lover friend. Each year I got headache for finding cat-related things for her birthday, as she is already an expert collector of all kinds of cute items bearing an image of cat, so making one by myself is not a bad idea, though it may not be a cute item then.

I actually forgot the proper procedures for case binding, or even for making a fabric cover, so this product is obviously flawed, but I was told by the recipient that she loved it, maybe she was being diplomatic?

That one is for my colleague, I still haven't given it to her yet (hope she will not visit this blog). I happened to find a charm with her name on it, so I thought I might just make something for her, as she will leave her post very soon for her phd study, good for her! I usually would not feel any fondness for colleagues (oh, of course with exception for those in my first job - feel fear if they will read it ;p), haha, but she is cute and she is one of those rare people who seem to understand what my weird world is, and the strange fact is, she doesn't listen to the songs nor watch the films I like, and she talks in mandarin while I can hardly speak any mandarin, so maybe our communication is based on mis-communication?

i'm ok in my decay

2011-09-28T15:20:00.003+08:00

I'm the missing note of your song,
living in the space of your 2 seconds silence.
I'm the sigh of a reckless traveller,
always running after the departing train.
I'm the meek who shall not inherit the earth,
glazing over in the corner,
gazing at your loving and laughing postures.
I put a smile on my face,
self-effacing, that's what I'm good at.

some suicides are never recorded

2011-09-21T16:14:00.004+08:00

It's been a while that I have not visited this place (again), as from the very beginning I already declared that it was a wasted garden. Having said that, I still like the feeling of writing something here (however trivial and unimportant it is) when I was tired of writing something there. Recently I have a feeling that I don't have any particular event that requires me to made a record here (and I was always amazed that how other people could have so many events in or comments to their daily life which fill up their blogs). My life is just routine. Ernold Same is my song.

But I still want to make some entry here, no matter if it is so empty like this one. I admit that sometimes I felt embarrassed by making status updates on facebook. You were either ignored by or received weird comments from your friends. By making updates I can't help guessing what your friends/acquaintances will perceive your words. I feel these thoughts or consideration are some kind of restriction of my freedom. Here is more carefree. It's strange that you always feel more free among strangers, maybe that's the reason why we all like travelling.

Recently I was also busy in transferrng my old cds to my mp3 player, this job never ends. I found out some of my lost (forgotten) treasures. The Boo Radleys, one of my most favourite bands in the 90's, how come I totally forgot them in the noughties? That brought me back my melancholic teenage years. Oh I should make a separate entry about them. Grandaddy, my other favourite in the beginning of the noughties, I didn't totally forget them and sometimes still dug out Sumday (and I like it more than The Sophtware Slump). Oh, these California guys, sunny music but always makes me blue (and that's why I like it, very masochistic). This morning I heard El Caminos in the West, it said "I paint the words a simple wish, for peace of mind and happiness". That's my wish also.

my little airport @ hidden agenda, 27.08.11

2011-08-29T17:26:00.004+08:00

May we ease the pain of living the life of Sisyphus
by taking a flight to ...

ok,I'll dive back to my head.

They were cute, angry and sentimental as ever, maybe they're just like everybody else, with many words want to say, many hopes and dreams but also many disappointments.

Use your illusion

2011-08-24T12:47:00.007+08:00

This was my little experiment, to see if I could make any simple picture on the spine of a book. I showed it to my sister and told her what it was, she said, she would need a little bit imagination. Haha, it's not bad for stimulating one's imagination.

oh what is it about? let it be whatever you want

always like the paper wrapping from amazon

When suede is doing it again

2011-08-18T11:51:00.003+08:00

Suede @ AsiaWorld-Expo, Hong Kong 11.08.2011

singing I can't get enough

This city loved suede. Maybe it still does. Frenetically, people moved with the beat, shouted out loud every word of songs (maybe not for Obsession). Forgetting the betrayal of yesterday, the fact that they seldom pick up any back catalogue and really play it for once, the lukewarm response to the works of the members of the band. Maybe people were generally capricious. It feels like, we all suddenly rediscovered their music and their beauty, we were all so eager for this band (or we were all so eager for a lost era). Maybe it doesn't matter at all, so long as we really enjoyed that particular moment. We did not think much about the past, nor the future. Maybe that's the beauty of that night.

So why? Why do i sound a bit sour? My usual worthless pride and snobbery of being a so-called time-honoured loyal fan? I hope the reunion will just be a rare incidence or, if they will really work together again, I hope our love towards them will stay as strong as what we have shown in that night. For my dear vocalist, though he looks tough and rough, acts like he doesn't care, you know he's definitely very sensitive and cares a lot (oh, how unfair I am, my attention is always just drawn to one person).

I talk to God, but the sky is empty

2011-08-01T12:55:00.004+08:00

This movie somehow makes me think of The Turin Horse, both involve the issues of human existence, the struggle of life, the universe that contains us, the existence of God. While The Torrin Horse is bleak and hopeless, The Tree Of Life is very religious. Series of prayers/confessions/queries to God, sometimes it's a cry for help, sometimes it's a doubt of His existence. There were many scenes of climbing up the stairs, looking up the sky, i think it symbolizes our constant urge to seek the truth, or simply our want of edification. The film may be thought-provoking but it's not very touching (or at least it fails to touch me). Maybe it's too preachy, especially the last scene of "all together now" reconciliation of your own self, family, friends, neighbour or even strangers, although I do not entirely oppose to what it preaches (i.e. love and grace), we human being, those ungraceful Nature ones, do not like to be preached. So I admit that the quote that impressed me most is "What I want to do, I can't do. I do what I hate."

Fragile with care

2011-07-07T00:16:00.004+08:00

I made this when i heard that he was in jail again. Not a happy theme. Actually, I don't think he is the one who likes to say goodbye, he just comes and goes, like a libertine. Now, he's free, yeah! And I should make a new one with the title "we'll meet again".

Little adventure

2011-06-20T17:20:00.002+08:00

I enjoy very much the aimless wandering in the vast garden/wasteland near my office, although there is fierce sunshine that probably no UV lotion can shield against it or wild grasses everywhere that arouse my paranoia of any mosquito, wasp or even snake hidden on the way.

of course the sea gives me much imagination and association, but it's a bit ironic that I live a monotonous robotic life in such scenic surroundings, which should be a place for vacation.

Oh, I still love this ironic place, see what I found today? A very big muchroom! I have never seen a living muchroom (not the ones in supermarket). There are several others scattering in the wasteland, they all look delicious! (and strangely enough this one has an aura, i get high by just looking at it!)

How the world keeps going nowhere

2011-06-03T13:31:00.002+08:00

And this still life is all I ever do

2011-05-30T11:55:00.006+08:00

From the moment I woke up, I kept reminding myself of the most important task of today. When the clock struck 10, I immediately logged on and clicked for a ticket. Almost an automation, yes, of course for the same group and the same person. It's not a question of devotion or dedication, it's a habit. Hey, it's Brett Anderson, no, it's Suede.

So when it was their UK reunion tour, I was surprised by myself that I only ordered for the Dog Man Star night. Maybe I didn't want to leave my mum (or bring my mum out) too many nights or, maybe my love for the band has died a little so I was not that enthusiastic ... but after the show, I'm sure it was the former reason as I still found my beloved band charming and enjoyable, but...

Actually I do not want to write any review for this Dog Man Star night, though I would rate it stunningly good (if not perfect). Anderson's voice was immaculate. Every track of Dog Man Star and b-side should be recognized as a classic so to hear it live was a celestial experience. It should be a perfect night, or I may say my recent uk trip should be perfect if my mum did not hurt her leg during the Suede night (it scared everyone! Lesson: don't bring any elderly to gig, even if she insisted). So I left before the end of the show - I feel so insufficient of suede now. And that explains why I have such urge to book their coming gig to Hong Kong.

At first felt so satisfied for the balcony's view

But later felt so dissatisfied for the distance from mr anderson

Brixton didn't leave me a good impression.

Moments

2011-05-23T16:38:00.004+08:00

When the flight was accelerating and began to take off, I felt such acceleration was like a tearing force, torn my heart into pieces, torn me apart from that land, the land that I knew too well that I almost lost the tourist's enthusiasm but still I would not doubt my fondness for return one day.

She said the sky was beautiful, when I pushed her on a wheelchair passing through the long and silent corridor of departure. Yes indeed. I said "this is the London sky, please keep the scene in your mind." I felt a sudden strike of sadness after saying these words. She smiled and said I could return any day I wanted. Yes, I know.

In rainbows

2011-05-05T15:35:00.003+08:00

Forever
that hide and seek
lost and found
I ask myself:
when will I give up?
The cherry blossoms
or sour whisky
My memory faded
or I just invented it
Ephemeral - ethereal
Fleeting - fleeing
yes, there's nothing to grasp
and my life is wasted away.

but chinaski said,
some lives were made to be
wasted.

Let me show you the world in my eyes

2011-05-03T11:34:00.005+08:00

Just another game

Time killer

2011-04-26T15:52:00.006+08:00

I know I'm not (and I won't be) good at parchment work as I lack the necessary patience and attention to details which is the a-must requirement. Euphemistically I call myself freestyler, haha, a pretext for clumsiness, and that's why I like decoupage and scrapbook much more. But having said that, I do want myself to be more skillful in parchment making, in the hope of training me more elegance, err... don't vomit.

He was there

2011-04-18T00:20:00.001+08:00

Bob Dylan @ Kowloonbay International Trade and Exhibition Centre, Hong Kong 13.04.2011

Dylan and his shadow (this made me think of the split personalities/identities as suggested in I Am Not There)

First, I must admit that I am not very familiar with all Dylan's songs, so I attended the show merely from a pilgrim's perspective, thinking I should pay a visit to this legendary person, if chance arise. Of course what I got from the night was more than a pilgrim's experience. Bob still rocks with his band, especially the extended Highway 61 Revisited (oh but he didn't play Desolation Row while he played it the previous night!) Groovy and blue, men with office attire who flooded the venue already took off their suits and ties, intoxicated and danced crazily. Bob seemed quite enjoy the vibe and the scene and bestowed flashes of sneaky smile.

So, about that constant question for each show of this Asian tour - Will he? Will he not (play the Blowing in the Wind)? For a man who has such large repertoire, and for a song that has played over 40 years, I was not disappointed about the omission or thought that Dylan was self-censored. The closing tune Forever Young, "May you always know the truth, and see the lights surrounding you, may you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong" I would like to think that these are the words Dylan dedicated to us.

Because everything's in ruins

2011-04-12T12:26:00.005+08:00

The Turin Horse

"Because everything's in ruins. Everything's been degraded, but I could say that they've ruined and degraded everything. Because this is not some kind of cataclysm, coming about with so-called, innocent human aide. On the contrary... It's about man's own judgement, his own judgement over his own self, which of course God has a hand in, or dare I say: takes part in. And whatever he takes part in is the most ghastly creation that you can imagine. Because, you see, the world has been debased. So it doesn't matter what I say because everything has been debased that they've acquired, and since they've acquired everything in a sneaky, underhand fight, they've debased everything. Because whatever they touch - and they touch everything - they've debased. This is the way it was until the final victory. Until the triumphant end. Acquire, debase. Debase, acquire. Or I can put it differently if you like: to touch, debase and thereby acquire, or touch, acquire and thereby debase. It's been going on like this for centuries. On, on and on. This and only this, sometimes gently, sometimes brutally, but it has been going on and on. Yet only in one way, like a rat attacks an ambush. Because for this perfect victory it was also essential that the other side... That is, everything that's excellent, great in some way and noble should not engage in any kind of fight. There shouldn't be any kind of struggle, just the sudden disappearance of one side, meaning the disappearance of the excellent, the great, the noble. So that by now these winning winners who attack from the ambush rule the earth, and there isn't a single tiny nook where one can hide something from them, because everything they can lay their hands on is theirs. Even things we think they can't reach - but they do reach - are also theirs. Because the sky is already theirs and all our dreams. Theirs is the moment, nature, infinite silence. Even immorality is theirs, you understand? Everything, everything is lost forever! And those many noble, great and excellent just stood there, if I can put it that way. They stopped at this point, and had to understand, and had to accept that there is neither god nor gods. And the excellent, the great and the noble had to understand and accept this right from the beginning. But of course they were quite incapable of understanding it. They believed it and accepted it but they didn't understand it. They just stood there, bewildered but not resigned, until something - that spark from the brain - finally enlightened them. And all at once they realized that there is neither god nor gods. All at once they saw that there is neither good nor bad. Then they saw and understood that if this was so, then they themselves do not exist either! You see, I reckon this may have been the moment when we can say that they were extinguished, they burnt out. Extinguished and burnt out like the fire left to smolder in the meadow. One was the constant loser, the other was the constant winner. Defeat, victory, defeat, victory and one day - here in the neighborhood - I had to realize and I did realize, that I was mistaken, I was truly mistaken when I thought that there has never been and could never be any kind of change here on earth. Because, believe me, I know now that this change has indeed taken place."

My Flash Delirium

2011-04-04T15:46:00.003+08:00

MGMT live @ Kowloonbay International Trade & Exhibition Centre, Hong Kong 30.03.2011

Flash Delirium as the opener, how apt it was!!! I must admit that I'm still deliriously happy even it's nearly 1 week after. Since some time last year, I fell under the charm of this band so you may understand how I began my delirium when I heard that they would have a gig in my little hometown. And then, boom! Euphoria always flashed past unnoticed. Those ecstasy-filled songs such as Time To Pretend and Kids never failed to hypnotize the whole crowd into a state of bewitched rapture, we were all intoxicated by the beats and sound and oxymoronic to the lyrics, we did not have control anymore. But what i like most for the night was that they played nearly the whole Congratulations except the nightmarish Lady Dada. "When it's over, to breathe in everything exposed" what did it bring? A sweet trip. An escape. A lost. But did we find again? The last two songs were pretty autobiographical, The Handshake and Congratulations (and, I never thought The Handshake could be so psychedelic!). I was a bit lost. My trip ended, the show ended. The last two songs told me (and the band) what the reality was like. They seem to play well in this game of balancing reality and idealism (while i never know how to play this game) and I hope they will continue to manage well in this game (cos' they're called MGMT).

The visuals on the backdrop were so much like the visuals after consuming substance (hey, i was told about it)

my fellow sagittarian hid behind the amp

ok, i tried hard to control my idiotic fangirl gene

how my favourite person P thought about my favourite person R and his fandom

2011-03-31T15:02:00.011+08:00

"Camus, Saw, Conquered

About your Manics article (NME, April 19). Mr Wells knows the Manics are middlebrow and they probably always have been. Kafka, Camus and Proust might sit snugly on shelves in assorted adolescent bedrooms around England, but if their owners were led to them by the inside of a CD cover, the true motivation stretches as far as the need to drop an esoteric title into a conversation in the common room.
The Marxists, Situationists, pseudo-bisexual-BAD POETS avec eyeliner, pseudo-leopardskin BAD POETS sans eyeliner, and the rest of the Cult Of Nothing should accept, for the last time, that with Richey went all feeble hopes of purity and guitars and profound graffiti.
Don't hold it against the lads - they want to do it. They are comfy. And they know that there is more chance of social equality through conformity that through locking yourself in a hotel bathroom and shitting in your purse. Besides which, the middlebrow ethos is far more revolutionary than the self-conscious political seriousness school of thought.
Peter Doherty, Somewhere Rather Lonely, 10 May 1997
P.S. That's the final word on the Manics. Forever. So all fanzines must stop. Let it be known."

I quoted that, it doesn't mean I agree to everything from my favourite person P. Yes, I finally found a disagreement with P. I put it down just as a record.

Poem generator

2011-03-25T15:46:00.005+08:00

Charming nights
emptiness
useless summer
Lovers escape
using only thoughts
facing dreams
pains
Their very beauty made your words
sadness between idleness tenderness
Been lost
waiting
Finding
She kept Her Bits Old soul
named london
Still loving
All these feeling
(started manic laugh)
libertines, Those Always

Do I make sense here? Doesn't matter if it's yes or no cos' it's really good fun and inspiring. These are the broken phrases from my blog jammed out from the html5 word cloud.

alice no.2

2011-03-14T17:07:00.004+08:00

Haven't picked up a carving knife for a long time, seems that my hands need to hibernate in winter. It's spring time now! It's time to practise again.

This is my alice no.2. She looks more normal than her ancestor, but got a big belly, haha, maybe she bears some features of her maker.

God bless

2011-03-12T00:43:00.006+08:00

Shocked by the quake in Japan. It's like everything can be collapsed and destroyed just in a second. Every step could be indeed our last.

Oh no, you say you need a friend
but we can't live again
Monday morning comes too fast
You stumble down the diamond path
and every step could be your last
the sunken eyes you just can't see
remind me how you'll never leave
every breath could be your last.

wise up and take care, the one who's so clever, but not very wise

2011-03-12T00:21:00.008+08:00

hope he hasn't got any trouble again, on the eve of his birthday.

It's always the song that I want to dedicate to the birthday boy.

(sorry for the awful fangirl fantasy, but some part of the lyrics does aptly describe my thought.)

find a place to hide

2011-03-04T14:12:00.008+08:00

Boss out of office means all work is shifted to me. I'm damn busy right now, too busy that I want to click to my old blog and procrastinate a bit. No matter if i drown myself to work the whole office hours or even work overtime, I still can't finish the work, it's like a series of tsunami, so overwhelming and non-stop, nowhere to hide. I have to press the pause button, be lazy and unproductive (actually no matter i'm busy or not, i always pause this button).

To sum up my mood:

Homer is always one of my most favourite cartoon characters, yes, I always have a strange fondness for the misfits.

The Simpsons way of life

nice dream if the sky was darker, the crowd quiet(er)

2011-02-21T15:22:00.004+08:00

Sleepwalking in the electric labyrinth
someone said the sea will ...
no, neither the sea nor the trees will electrocute us all
only our mind will.

Power Plant @ Kowloon Walled City Park

P.S. Oh it's been ages that I haven't set my foot in Kowloon City since I left my secondary school. It looks a bit old now, I couldn't find the records shop that I used to buy back load of good vinyls (wasted money, bought vinyls without a proper record player) and also the sanrio shop, but glad to see that Muslim Beef Bun shop (yummy) still survives, maybe it will go on forever.

Anglophile

2011-02-15T12:30:00.005+08:00

You leave a taste
A bitter one
I have searched for your springs
But people, they stagnate with time
Like water, like air
To you
I cling.

- extracted from England - Polly Jean Harvey

Lost Time / The Sound of the Streets

2011-02-10T15:00:00.005+08:00

My mp3 player just popped out The Sound of the Streets when I was reading the last page of In Search of Lost Time. How coincident. No, of course this song cannot summarise the whole epic, but I really thought of this song in some paragraphs, such as when the narrator lay in his bed and listened to the street noise outside his window.

"Inside she feels like winter
For the child that died within her
She walks the streets to pass the time

Sadie, Sadie hear the sound of the streets
Insane as anything"

"For the child that died within her" I don't think Brett meant it literally, not that Sadie had a miscarriage or abortion. I think he meant the lost time as a child that she couldn't find it again. Strange juxtaposition for this song and the last page of Time Regained.

Sometimes we can find the lost time again, if we drown deep enough in our sea of memory, but sometimes we just can't. The time had lost, the persons, the things, the passions had died. And remember the words from our dear Mr. Barat? Something like for a failed relationship, a part of yourself was died because all the things you had said, all the secret between the two lovers was lost forever. Actually I was quite surprised that he could utter something so Proust.

It took me quite some time to finish the whole series, I even doubted that if I could finish it before the end of my life, and thought if it would be too time-consuming if I had to re-read it again in my next life (if I could have one). These were my idle thoughts of course and now, even though I eventually finished it, I really want to re-read it again immediately. There were moments that I felt so heavy or intense that I had to close the book (excuse for the slowness?). I remember Proust once said that he did not expect praise or censure for his book, he just wanted his readers to feel "oh this is really like it" (ok, it's my interpretation), and I think he succeeded. I was always amazed by his clairvoyance.

Of course my life is not as epical as Proust's (or that of the narrator). During my time from reading Vol.1 to Vol.6, I had my joy and sufferings, I lost someone dear to me (but I did not know until I lost him). I will try to "recherché" those joyous moments, bury and banish the sufferings. I may find the lost person again in my memory, but may lose him again by my indifference and forgetfulness (and we say time is a healer).

useless but not hysteria

2011-01-21T23:51:00.006+08:00

For an autistic person like me, every social interaction always results in awkwardness. A few days ago I just carelessly showed my "staff card holder" to my colleague while accessing the office, my colleague spontaneously threw me the questions of "What (the hell is that useless thing?)" and "Why (did you waste time to make it?)" and gave me a "wtf" facial expression. I could only smile embarrassingly and explained in a rather apologetic tone (without knowing why) that although it's cheap and also of a better quality to buy a proper "staff card holder" in the market, I was such an idle person and liked to make useless things, and also there's a hidden reason (cos' to spell it out would make me even more freakish) that I really like the patterns on the reverse side of envelops.

Is it really so strange? Of course it looks very plain, I could have decorated it more but I made it in a haste at night so I just folded the paper up, in fact I like it plain.

I also like to use the reversed envelop to be a book protector, given that I always read book at the pace of a turtle, my book will end in much wear and tear when I finish it.

Actually paper "staff card holder" may not be a good idea, with no lanyard and always wetted by splashing water, so i made a more proper one by adhersive tape and then pretend to be employed by hmv (oh my teenage dream).

Bits and bobs for complaining

2011-01-17T14:35:00.002+08:00

It's so cold for these couple of weeks that I only wanted to sleep or dream, inertia no matter in office or at home, and worse still, I seem to still under the influence of flu, suffer from occasional chest pain and headache, why did my 2011 begin in such way?!

Have taken too many western and Chinese medicine, my eye bags and panda-eyes are so huge now.

Money slipped away for no reason at all, I can't remember what I've spent but my accounts figures keep going down. Shit, all my banal and trivial troubles, money, boring life, even my complaining is so uncool, I wish I could be more intelligent.

I have to stop complaining, too many people have warned me that negative thinking would only bring bad luck. I have to control my thought (so there is even no freedom of thinking), I need good luck.

Strange rumour I read in facebook:
Dec 2012

Maybe we should from now on just play, play, play (but first I must get my migraine to stop).

A year has passed without a trace without a sound

2010-12-31T09:45:00.007+08:00

This is a peaceful year for me. No alarms, no surprises, I am actually glad about it. I hope my life will pass like this. I never feel bored about peace and quietness, maybe I'm just a boring person.

Music is still my important companion, provides me an exit from banality, even some moments of edification.

to continue my previous post, my favourite album of 2010:

1. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs

2. Sambassadeur - European
Sunshine, sea breeze, idleness, indolence, sea birds swirling in the sky, cruise to the Mediterranean, gondola in Venice, a feast in the southern Italy, loafing around in Greece, haha, that adoring laziness, those sunny places i've never been, that's what i thought of when i listened to this album. A true summer album,but I still listen to it in winter days, and I will definitely continue to listen to it when i long for a summer holidays in my head. I always like Swedish pop. Strange, the female vocal Anna Parsson does not have a heavenly goddess' voice, or you may even call it plain, but it just perfectly fits the music.

3. Carl Barat - Carl Barat
I always enjoy his song craftsmanship. I think I'm one of the few who believe that he is actually talented. I hoped so much that I would like this album. That is the reason why I was silent about it when it was released because if I could not click a "Like" to it, i would rather remain silent. But i was capricious, as i now write about it, yes, i now really adore it (or did i hypnotise myself enough to have a change of heart? haha)

His style in this sole album was described as that of marc almond, serge gainberg and leonard cohen. We made various association that is not very fair to him (though I admit I also think of those names when I listened to it). I never skip a track of it. Maybe I love his new music style or, maybe I just love to hear his confession of failed relationship. Besides his music talent, I'm sure he is also good at breaking hearts. It's difficult not to associate his songs to some of his ex-lovers. I remember he once said in an interview "somebody dies, not only do you lose them, but you lose a part of yourself, things that only they know about you". I think carl must have died a bit in all his failed relationships. But whatever great passions and relationships are, they do not crumble and die all of a sudden, they just turn cold, fade into the realm of forgetfulness and indifference, however much we do not want to accept it. So, for a record (pun?) of relationships that he (and I) cares/cared about, I will rank it to my top 3.

4. Foals - Total Life Forever

5. Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest

6. Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today

7. Johnny Flynn - Been Listening

8. Philip Selway - Familial

9. LCD Soundsystem - This Is Happening

10. The National - High Violet

Some other albums I also like include Jonsi - Go, Warpaint - The Fool, Marc Almond - Variete and MGMT - Congratulations (my appetite to it is quite addictive at first but then dies down suddenly). Manics, Klaxons and Bryan Ferry are a bit disappointing to me. Girls' EP is heartrending as ever but it's EP, so I don't count it in.

In the night there is someting wild, I feel it, it's leaving me

2010-12-24T10:32:00.006+08:00

A sunny silent afternoon again. I don't like to draw the curtain down, for I can feel the warmth outside and see the glittering water flowing above my head, of course this is only the reflections of sunlight on the water, which is reflected on the ceiling of my office. Yes, there is a large artificial lake outside my window, with various big fishes swimming and bubbling. It's lovely to idle the life away, like the fish.

My most favourite album of this year:

1. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
i regard it as the part 2 of the Funeral, still about the agony of growing up, but of course Funeral is more "in the process" of growing up - frenetic, violent and reluctant, The Suburbs is more like "the aftermath", a hollow wasteland, but still reluctant. I love it cos' this album is actually very "me", haha, I the aftermath, the hollow wasteland.

"We used to wait, sometimes they never came." This is Win Butler's own Waiting for Godot. We wait, we waste and still we wait. I am convinced of this idea, how depressing. For human being we always have a restless heart to seek, for dreams, for the future, for meaning of life, haha, all these grand words. "In my dream I was almost there, then you pulled me aside and said you're going nowhere, I know we are the chosen few, but we're wasted, and that's why we're still waiting". Wasted Hours, my most favourite track of the album, its beginning reminds me of the summertime in my childhood, just staring out the window and doing nothing, this song somehow provides an exit (really?) for me. "Wishing you were anywhere but here, you watch the life you're living disappear, and now I see, we're still kids in buses longing to be free. Wasted hours before we knew, where to go, and what to do. Wasted hours, that you made new, and turned into, a life that we can live." Always out of place and out of time, we just feel frustrated, awkward, trapped inside a situation, longing to be free. Clueless, but we still try to seek (how ridiculous and also great we human being are), and before we find out the answer (for whatever questions), our life passed, like the fish, idle away, isn't it great?!

err... number 2 to the rest, maybe later.

festive seasons

2010-12-20T10:30:00.007+08:00

I made my mull wine debut last Saturday, it was surprisingly delicious (and strongly alcoholic, good). I think I can be a good brewer or bartender, anything related to wine making.

it would look much professional if it was served in a glass bowl, but hey, it was actually very tasty!

made some quick presents for my friends:
just messed the frames with colours and further messed them up with cut n' paste patterns:

and then embroidered them with whatever junk i could find:

sometimes you will find it's easy to make people happy, but the first thing is you have to make yourself happy. Funny, i seem to be in good mood.

retail therapy (again)

2010-12-09T15:55:00.007+08:00

I have much excuse to indulge myself this month and months ago, I did have plan to make myself something but I was just too lazy to start the work, so maybe i will delay it to the next year. "It was always mañana." haha, Kerouac told me. So what do I do to treat myself?

I didn't buy it for my big day. I ordered it months ago but it was the efficiency of British mail that I only received it yesterday. So now I can treat it as a gift to myself to celebrate my mortality. Yo, they are so lovely, worth the wait!

Junk boat and English boys crashing out, in a melancholy town where we never smile

2010-12-08T13:15:00.002+08:00

If we could have frequent visit from the English boys like last week, of course we would smile a lot.

Press my retrieving button in my brain, I remember the vendetta was actually between Suede and Blur, not Blur and Oasis. The latter was like a marketing gimmick but the former I did feel a heartfelt hatred between the two front men. Me, a time-honoured protector of Brett, never openly admitted my liking for Blur. But long gone the history! I went to see Damon Albarn solo in Japan 2003 and found that I have to disarm in face of the golden boy. Last week, with his great multi-cultural and multi-generations' army of Gorillaz, I have to declare loudly of my fondness of his cuteness(!)

Sorry for the trace of idiotic fangirl's ramblings (that's what I'm good at), but Damon was CUTE. He bounced and jumped and posed and held hands with girl and waved the big big white flag, like a naughty boy. err OK, I have to stop myself talking like an imbecile. About the music: I actually do not like any music with hip-hop elements but Gorillaz is the exception. The HAHAHAHAHA DeLaSoul was perfect in Gorillaz and it's surprising that they would tour with the band. An even greater surprise was that Paul Simonon and Mick Jones also joined the tour - half of The Clash actually came and performed in my little hometown! That's really something grand in my eyes. To Binge, Damon and Little Dragon was so sweet on stage, with the word "poisoned" on screen, what? That's the real meaning of love? We were also surprised to find the Arabian (hooray for Syrian National Orchestra) and Chinese music blended so well with their hip-hop/rock/dance music. Yes, I put my dancing shoes on, great to bounce with 2D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russel whole night.

Gorillaz @ AsiaWorld-Expo, Hong Kong 03.12.2010, a song for Hong Kong

Paul Simonon and Mick Jones

Damon waved the big white flag :)

After the exhausting night with Gorillaz, there was Adam Ficek (or Roses Kings Castles)'s Acoustic+DJ night. It was a night of tender serenade as compared to the previous night of carnival and varieté. Like his music, Adam was languid and gentle, though he might explain his manner as a consequence of jet-lag. The acoustic set was not long, I think he just played for about 30 minutes, but it was a lovely little set. The natural, idyllic, sometimes vivid, sometimes wistful pop music, almost like the Turner's paintings. The serenade ended when Adam turned into his alter ego DJ Adam. It's a shame that there was no trace of the "million-dollars band"* in his playlist (and i guess the organiser "Supersonic" [aka "the Likely Lads", the name which tells a lot of their music preference] had to delete all the songs of the "million-dollars band" and its related band in their playlist that night). When will all vendettas between my favourite musicians end?

Adam Ficek @ Backstage, Hong Kong 04.12.2010, he looked a bit melancholic...

* Adam mentioned the "million-dollar band" (The Libertines) during his acoustic set and joked about he knew some secret ;p

To the Lighthouse

2010-11-28T02:02:00.002+08:00

The Lighthouse was then a silvery, misty-looking tower with a yellow eye, that opened suddenly, and softly in the evening. Now—

I really like this little lighthouse, with very cute "bowl" for cider drinking and, of course those very delicious crepes.

something indicative

2010-11-12T16:45:00.003+08:00

I know I always have problems but I never realize that they're so serious. I scored 36, oh my.

Are you alright?

愛念與怨念同樣重

2010-10-26T16:57:00.004+08:00

copy a douban entry here, so i can have new post.

I can't help thinking of the memoirs of a geisha, i reckon it's a camp book title.

章節混亂，毫無時序可言，可能此乃作者風格，又可能作者行文時腦袋受其他物質影響，其實通通都不重要，因本書實在有趣，書如其人，混亂、搞笑。but, no no, 難道我們樂迷們不知道Carlos其實是憂鬱的、認真的? （但作者的命運總是逃不過種種的偏差）

書的開首是比較咬文嚼字，我認為作者原先是想寫一本認真及優雅的自傳，但往後變得比較隨意及口語，沒關係吧，libertines都是shambolic的。內容方面，我當然最最最最最期待一切有關他與Peter的往事。没有驚天動地的祕聞，所說的相信樂迷們一早已知道。本書由頭到尾也經常地提及Peter，有時（我認為）作者對Peter刻意淡化，Peter僅是他的室友及樂團的拍擋；但有時Peter又被形容為他生命中（曾經的）重要伙伴；或他的伯樂，給他自信，助他克服舞台恐懼；有時作者會誠實地表示對Peter的懷念，期待遇上另一段刻骨銘心的「友情」，甚至會感懷地總結他的前半生就是失去了一段重大的「友情」。（對，作者十分強調「友情」關係，請粉絲們不要幻想太多。）但更清楚的著墨則是對這位朋友的控訴，像Peter和女友或友人無故失踪而丢下作者一人，致使他憂鬱發作；又或染上毒癮後的Peter失踪、失場、失控，作者怎樣獨自承受失去至愛朋友的痛苦同時又不被其他人了解，甚至要忍受無知粉絲的謾罵。我是相信、理解及同情作者的，很想拍一拍他的背，說句感謝及欣賞的話，但同時我又感到快要被作者千斤重的怨念淹沒。

文中提到作者跟Anthony Rossomando 及Danny Goffey 的友情也很甜蜜，但不明白為什麼找不到Tim Burgess的踪影，他們不是很要好的嗎？（或是我看得太快，看漏了眼？）

另外作者亳無掩飾對毒品及酒精的鍾愛，雖然最後言之鑿鑿向從前講再見，唔 … 不予置評。

本書的大部份內容我是覺得有趣的，只是到最後有少許不耐煩，如他的交待近況（太hard sell）；訴說怎樣愛新女友、新生命、新生活（太不rock n’ roll太正常了，我就是那些吸血鬼般的粉絲，只愛異常的、墜落的、被摧殘的、憂鬱症的或狂喜的，正常人（如自己）太沒趣了）；及最终回的真情剖白，我明白作者經歷過非一般的高與低，我無意輕視任何人的痛苦，尤其是親愛的作者，所以當我對他在最終回的剖白納悶時，其實我是有罪疚感的，但最終回提到之焦慮、寂寞、迷失、毒品、酒精、女友、重回人間（不是之前已講過嗎？），太像一些emo kids 的blog文或日記了（在此我又輕視了emo kids 的痛苦，真不應該），我想，可能作者仍然是一名emo kid 吧（沒有眨義的）。

save me from tomorrow

2010-10-22T16:30:00.002+08:00

I hate these words, they're so true.

Deep down, all the while, she was waiting for something to happen. Like a sailor in distress, she kept casting desperate glances over the solitary waster of her life, seeking some white sail in the distant mists of the horizon. She had no idea by what wind it would reach her, toward what shore it would bear her, or what kind of craft it would be – tiny boat or towering vessel, laden with heartbreaks or filled to the gunwhales with rapture. But every morning when she awoke she hoped that today would be the day; she listened for every sound, gave sudden starts, was surprised when nothing happened; and then, sadder with each succeeding sunset, she longed for tomorrow.

Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert

not a book of revelation

2010-10-19T16:15:00.008+08:00

Oh he can write! It's definitely an interesting read, though there are too many vocabularies (my poor english) and pseudonyms. It's funny to read between lines and found the unintentional (but actually very obvious) explanation about the life with peter. He wanted to point out that they only lived under the same roof, but not the same room. He did not share the grand brass bed. The co-bank account was only for work purpose. So what we've read before is false or we are all just too imaginative.

Not relevant to his book, but I just found it's so beautiful and I want to put it on my blog. History.

nicked from someone else's blog, can't even remember where so i can't give credit, sorry.

oh the book turns gloomy, actually there's nothing new, salute to the writer.

Because all things will change and as your God explains, we live again

2010-10-10T23:33:00.008+08:00

Brett Anderson Live @ HITEC Hong Kong, 1.10.2010

I just want to say, I love that evening very much. No suede song. Great that Brett finally made an unequivocal stance that he has moved on, with elegance and grace, without shedding any excitement. Many ex-suede lovers, now the suede/brett-haters (the change was due to their belief that the man is living in the past while they've improved), please hear the songs and watch the man before bestowal of your precious criticism. He is still the diva, twisted and danced like the old days, or transcended us to the sublime different place, or, with the sedative guitar sounds, prayed with us in a mysterious occult, collective delirium.

when she wakes up in the morning

2010-09-28T14:48:00.002+08:00

I didn't eat or drink or even go to toilet for the whole sunday (not too good for one's health), just to stitch this word on the spine of the book. I'm glad i made it, though frankly, i hardly believe in this word anymore. I have a pocketful of its broken pieces, and i seldom touch them, they hurt.

meow

2010-09-17T15:18:00.002+08:00

This is my first attempt to make a rubber stamp as birthday gift for a cat lover, hope she won't mind my substandard work.

Back to you

2010-09-13T12:25:00.007+08:00

Brett Anderson will come to Hong Kong again. It becomes sort of automation that whenever Brett comes here, I'll attend. Many people are not that enthusiastic to this man now because they think that his time has passed. How they are wrong. To be honest, I am not looking for any excitement or nostalgia related to suede. I am looking for a night of beautiful music, the music from his three solo albums.

****************************

Britpop, the best era? (of course not, haha, but glad to see so many faces when they were still young)

british music experience, i don't know if i like it or not. Yes, I like its jukebox and its hi-tech approach (that could dazzle the lo-tech person like me), but everything is just too brief, or it never intends to be a serious exhibition. It's just an entertainment for a family (as every member of a family probably may find his/her favourite era). That very industry-driven approach also made me intrigue. Expensive merchandise. Joining fee to be a whatever member. Very expensive admission fee. I got a strange dislike to exhibit/present/summarise music like a commodities/in any substantiate form/a statement/a poster/an outfit. I wonder if I would go had i not won the free ticket by the quiz (as the tix is really expensive). But as my ticket was free, I should keep my mouth shut. Oh yes, there are some items i really like:

Brett's draft of the lyrics

"For what we've lost we will find again, never never!"

2010-09-09T17:39:00.007+08:00

– Charles Baudelaire, The Swan, The Flowers of Evil

(but you know I never say never never say never again)

English weather.

Cold. Drizzled all day. No sun. I shouldn't feel disgusted about it. I vowed my fondness for the Victorian grey. But in my memory English summers were always warm, blue skies with dandelions dancing in the air. On the other hand, I remember when I came there for study many years ago, it was so chilly and I did not bring enough clothes. So whether English summer should be sunny or bleak, my memory cannot tell (or it tells both). This time the weather was bleak, and again I did not bring enough clothes, shivered with cold and hunger, I realized, "this is England, the place I love."

Those glittering.

Back to the forum. For the same band. I had three miraculous nights in 2003. In 25 August 2010, the blood-red words "SOLD OUT" sentenced me that I had no miracle. Still I walked there again, with my dear fellow desperados, in the pouring rain, we were waiting for godot. Maybe we just wanted to eavesdrop the music played or maybe, though we could not attend, we still wanted to participate in our own way this very important event. Horrorshow, the usual opening track, sent me back to the nights that I could howl with the boys. Actually I could still howl with the boys that night, just between the walls. John, Carlos and Gary were so kind to console all the restless souls after the show. Peter ... oh Peter. My intuition told me that he was still in the building, I just lacked a bit gut/luck. During the endless wait, a handful of glittering dust was suddenly poured down the street from the window, someone's naughty act, but the glitter, so symbolic and dazzling, almost dream-like, and we all knew what that dream was called.

The Libertines warm-up gig @ Forum, London 25.08.2010

The intermezzo

If I could even bump into Mr Barat in a club, I knew that I have a tendency to meet him. The Levi’s shop performance was almost a last-minute call. After the series of defeat in that libertines' lucky draw ballot and scramble for ticket, I did not have high hope for it but it turned out that I was able to access. It was an intimate gig, just about 150 people. Mr Barat looked tired and coughed a lot, blamed it on the busy schedule. The show was opened by Deadwood, and later Bang Bang, would it be a bit embarrassing to sing it now (just as if Gang of Gin by Peter?) Of course the performance was mainly for promotion of his new songs but I was not familiar with them (forgive me!) TFH and CSMN, the crowd went crazy. We then chanted Death on the Stairs but Carlos did not give in. In the Q&A section, we kept asking him if there would be more shows of the libertines, any secret gig tonight, haha, poor Carlos. There's also someone shouted out loud how Carl was sold to money. That guy was rude and was expelled, though we might secretly agree to what he'd said. On a second thought, didn't we all treat Carl a bit unnice? Years ago Peter performed in Selfridges for Gio-Goi, we were (at least I was) all mesmerized, in it for money, who cares?

Carlos Barat @ Levi's Shop, Regent Street, London 26.08.2010

Everyone is gonna be happy
Everyone is gonna be happy
But of course

Who cares about anything? So long as they are together again. That was a pure act of indulgence. Let us all drown in the Arcadian bliss. We all knew that music festival may not be an ideal occasion for the reunion of our dear band - the band which holds intimate connection with the audience - the communal audience who believes in all those myths of romanticism and albion reveries spread by the very band, everything that is opposite to a usual music festival (too big, too distant, too many wankers), or not? Let’s forget the distance and embrace your neighbour. Yes, that was a pure act of indulgence, let us all drown in the Arcadian bliss. We all sang from the first song Horrorshow to the last I Get Along, we screamed, we shouted, we could only express ourselves in this most primitive way because we could not find the right word, and we all just wanted to say, how we love and care, our dear old band The Libertines.

Peter was a bit sulky in the beginning (or was I too sensitive to his facial expression and then thinking too much?) but later, he seemed to be melted by sweet Carlos in the Music When The Lights Go Out. We all sincerely sang What Became Of The Likely Lads? That was indeed our question, but they could not provide the answer. We (and the band) did not know. We only knew in this instance, we were happy, and we certainly took this instance into eternity.

The Libertines @ Reading Festival 28.08.2010

Once I had left a piece of my heart in London, I found it again in the magic night.

I eventually saw a sunny sky in London and in this late summer, even the sun became so tender. I decided to leave a piece of my heart in London again, so that I will have to come back again, and again.

this city's hard

2010-08-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

this city's fair?

late practice

2010-08-11T14:12:00.006+08:00

This blog is becoming my journal for handicraft, haha, for my trait of sentimentality has disappeared recently, so there will be no words for music, poems or toothache. I feel like I'm pretty practical now, yeah, making useless things and feel like practical (do I make sense here?)

It's difficult for a clumsy people like me to make a rubber stamp with lace-stripe pattern. Even if i did carve it (with flaws of course), it's so difficult to stamp it together continuously and smoothly like a real lace stripe. Yeah, need to practice more.

The scent (sense) of book

2010-07-29T12:04:00.006+08:00

I have a strange foible that whenever I'm in a bookshop, I like to breathe deeply. I love that scent of books which never fails to give me a nerve-tangling joy. Of course a primitive like me also like that solid and physical feeling of a real book - how you can count the pages which you have read, how a page creases by raindrops or teardrops, how pages are all turned yellow by the passing of time.

Book rocks! (e-book, boo...)

Sound like a book-lover. No, no, far from it. I read too slow and too little (I've only read 2 books so far this year *shhhh*). But book-making-lover? Yes, yes! I found great fun in it.

My first "proper" handmade book. (as in the past, my books are too "amateur" ;p)

sometimes i still hear it singing its wild songs

2010-07-25T01:05:00.004+08:00

and see it collecting those worthless glittering.

The solipsist

2010-07-16T14:30:00.005+08:00

à mon cher petit Robert
Son inaltérablemen fidèle et tendre ami.

I think he looked so much like carl barat in this photo.
Oh yes, I'm bored.

Little playthings

2010-07-14T14:40:00.001+08:00

Ha, my friends are so frenetic about rubber carving recently. It's great that they provide much motivation for me to do some, though I clearly lack the necessary patience, eyesight and steady hand. Oh the roughness, I call it my style (i'm good at euphemism). Hope my usual 3-minute enthusiasm will not die so soon.

what should i do with them?

All I need is a great big congratulations

2010-07-08T00:03:00.010+08:00

For a pretentious person like me who proclaims her fondness for those elitist you-name-it bands, it is utterly embarrassing to admit my love for a band labelling under the genre of easy-listening. I know I should hum the gospel of cliché melancholy like "sorrow found me when I was young...", but instead I just like to soak up in a great big congratulations. Frankly, for these two months I think I have listened to this album over hundreds of times, played it at least once everyday and sometimes the first thing in the morning was to play it loud, such a fervent addiction. To reduce my guilt, I have to express my hatred for their first album. Owing to those three hit singles contained therein, I categorized their first album as one of that disgusting hedonist Ibiza club music and the band as a mere hype (yes, I can be very pompous sometimes). But that was history right now. Because of my recent fondness for their second album, I now think their first album is not that bad, or maybe it's actually quite nice.

To analyze my recent enthusiasm is that I ~~suck young blood/am anxious to find the next boys band~~ really feel passionate about the 60’s psychedelic music, the sound of Love/The Doors/Sergeant Pepper's (for many reasons I always believe that in my former life I was a dirty ugly hippie who died in overdose). I like their music which makes me think of trees and cloud and sunshine. I also like their clever arrangement of sounds, sometimes layers of choruses are blended together, sometimes different tunes are even blended into one song (and it is so If-on-a-winter’s-night-a-traveller, so twisted and playful and fantastic, see, I’m pretentious). Of course it is also interesting to hear the explicit reference to substance (while sung by an innocent and childish voice). Reminder: please put this album on when you consume your mushroom tea.

Look up to wikipedia, I found that they were one of line-up in 2008 Glastonbury and 2009 V Festival. Oh but I did not love them at that moment, poor timing! (err, but in both festivals their slots were coincidentally clashed with Mr Doherty, and it's impossible for me to forsake Doherty, so in all occasions it's still bad timing). For I had neglected them for quite some time, recently I have been busy in catching up on their video clips and, clearly, I've got a pistol that's aimed at my heart.

two super cute losers (not lovers, ha)

(right, don't feel surprised if I blah about any worship for a korean or japanese (even chinese?) idol, i have a shift of taste)

Hiatus

2010-07-02T12:09:00.004+08:00

Blogging is dying. It's true. We now are all content with those 140-characters mini blogs or the status-updating in social networks. For me, blogging is like a conversation with oneself. It's so introspective and contemplative. So unhealthily sentimental. Soul searching is absolutely tiring. So we are happy to update our status in twitter or whatever platform, be it just a glimpse of thought, an exclamation, a joke or a fact, the words are so light, humdrum and trivial. I can no longer keep honest to myself or encounter my own fragility and banality. I want comfort. Let's evade.

What difference does it make?

2010-06-15T15:11:00.005+08:00

Are the songs different from those in the album? I really need a turntable.

saw a tiny note of contribution which bears the name of Adam, oh Adam.

All the songs died in the early summer

2010-06-04T00:06:00.003+08:00

他整夜的坐在廣場裏面
等待著他的救星出現
他也許就站在你的面前
註視著你成長的一切
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
廣場上曾經奔跑的青年
如今已經失去了他們的信念
而你整夜的坐在廣場裏面
等待黑夜夜吞噬你的一切
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
這是一個沒有希望的廣場
這是一個沒有希望的廣場

- Carsick Cars, 廣場

The disappointment in travel

2010-05-25T15:55:00.005+08:00

The night of Saigon/Ho Chi Minh City

I didn't have any disappointment cos' I didn't have any perception, impression or imagination of this city. Actually i quite like its food, coffee and handicraft, think its narrow houses, chaotic traffic and electric wires were interesting, though was a bit fed up with the propaganda everywhere. My mum was disappointed. She spent her childhood in Saigon when it was still a French colony. Maybe we all just romanticize the things in the past so what she saw nowadays was just ruins and dust.

Maybe it was just a wrong trip.

Photo floating

2010-04-20T14:21:00.006+08:00

Ｄo you know weeds and flowers
are actually aerials and wires
words across the oceans
through the wind, the drizzle
and the whiff of fragrant

"shh -" silence

If a photo froze a moment to eternity
and i gave my passion in this moment
when i left it on the road
would someone pick up my passion eternally?

Copy

2010-04-07T23:34:00.005+08:00

Got that magic copy of nme but what grabbed my eyes was the gig review about Suede. A pen is of course mightier than a sword. They probably have the power to build you up and knock you down, and then build you up again?

"Suede will never lead beery sinalongs at Glastonbury. They'll never have hubristic documentaries made about their reformation. This certainly isn't for the money. It's more personal than that because, for Suede, we're all part of the gang too... Suede were and are for misfits and lovers, obsessives and fuckers. Suede were and are romantic, preposterous, glamorous, decadent, political, arrogant, and brash; everything a band should be, and so, so few are: just trash, you and me; the lovers on the street."

I wish I could be that articulate.

About the beloved likely lads, I was wrong to anticipate the interview would be as emotional as that of the Tap n' Tin reunion. Love still flowed between gaze and smile, but in a much controlled way. They are more mature now, no more outburst of uncontrolled passion, not everything must be shown in front of the cameras.

I like that peter liked the second dirty pretty album album cos' it's really an underrated good album and he did listen to the songs of his ex, i mean his ex-bandmate (or present/future bandmate?)

I don't like that carlos felt so avoidance and dismay when mentioning Anthony Rossomando, though it was surely embarrassing or even sour to mention stan in front of peter. When asked about the view of babyshambles, peter replied "I don't know about adam."

there is no fairness in all kind of relationship.

did you see the

2010-03-30T03:11:00.006+08:00

woke up at 2:00am in the morning, just for the fading image of memories and dreams. is it the same dream? a belief/promise/mirage i keep pursuing. this is the paroxysm of my own anxiety and joy, the soliloquy of an insane in the early morning.

have a nice one

2010-03-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

Oh pardon me sir, it's the furthest from my mind
I'm just lookin' for a dear, dear friend of mine
I'm waiting for my man
Here he comes, he's all dressed in black
Beat up shoes and a big straw hat
He's never early, he's always late
First thing you learn is you always gotta wait

waiting to see the angel/little devil again.

stupefy; stultify

2010-03-04T17:11:00.004+08:00

I always mixed up these two words and cannot tell the difference between them, I just think they are related to tiredness, being uninspired and stupid because of boredom, haha, so they belong to me, these are my words.

I haven't ordered many films for this year International Film Festival, though many said there are too many good films for this year, I may become mature (dumb) and say goodbye to the pretentious arthouse days. The bad thing is, I didn't feel bad about it.

Tears For Fear will come to Hong Kong! Oh they were my childhood's idol (shh)! It's so obsolete and uncool to admit of your liking for anything of 80's nowadays. Haha, no, their first album The Hurting is actually cool (and Lamacq just played Pale Shelter a few days ago, so it must be good! [idiotic]). This is an album which can poison a young healthy soul, haha of course in the years to come i received more poisonous albums and comparatively it is just a mild one. My mum also wants to see them!

All the souls that would die just to feel alive

2010-02-08T16:14:00.003+08:00

Muse @ AsiaWorld-Expo, Hong Kong 06.02.2010

Paranoia is in bloom. It's true indeed. It's already two days after but my head is still full of muse, their music and visual of that special night. In 2007, I thought their live performance was like a supermassive karaoke. In 2010, I now think their live performance was like a supermassive hypnotism. We still sang their songs from the first to the last. But this time we lost control. We pushed, jumped and danced fervently, like we were under some sort of spell. The whole evening was stunningly powerful and overwhelming. We want to shout, we want to feel, we want to memorize the grandeur. That must be the magic of music. Christopher and Dominic were excellent and had a jam session and of course, Matt Bellamy was still very charming, a guitar hero and opera singer (try hard to suppress my idiotic fangirl tone now). Songs like Uprising, Resistance and even Stockholm Syndrome may hit the nerve of Hong Kong today, but they’re just too apt for the situation.

oh, all my pictures are only matt bellamy (cos i couldn't shoot anything else from where i stood)

she talked and talked and lost

2010-02-01T14:26:00.006+08:00

"Now you feel ashamed
but he feels nothing of the kind
he talks of things he wouldn't mind to try, sometime"

I kept humming these lyrics in the lazy afternoon. We're all shackled by whatsoever important or stupid reasons. To escape, to run, to flee, whatever word you use, it's no difference and it's useless. No one ever escape. i mean it. To make this shackled life livable or at least tolerable, we make use of belief or religions or whatever. thanks for the lazy afternoon, well...

the pet society retro setting, for real.

"arm and arm we are the harmless sociopaths
arm and arm with all the harmless sociopaths"

Andrew Bird @ Grappas Cellar, Hong Kong 27.01.2010

It's incredible that i could see Andrew Bird in Hong Kong! Year 2009 was not a great year for me and Noble Beast was there with me for passing through so many difficult times. So you know how excited I was when i got the news that he would come to Hong Kong. Since he was the only band member in the performance, he was busy in playing his violin, guitar and also recording the loops all by himself, but of course he managed it well. To talk about the show then I will just praise so I'd better keep it myself. I expected to have Armchairs (my favourite) and Darkmatter but instead i have Sweetmatter. Maybe Mr. Bird was not feeling the dark anymore. I like what he said about Imitosis, how the "capital i" lives basically alone and traps inside this mortal coil, ok he just said "this body", humm but, yeah.

Recently it's strangely co-incident that I have many meetings with old friends, the friends that i miss a lot, the friends that we keep writing to each other but seldom see, or just the friends i haven't seen for a long time. It's horrible to say that it's like a conclusion of my life, ha, anyway i won't be too sad to say goodbye to the cruel world. no no, it's not my point. i just want to say, it's so strange, only god can arrange things like this.

decade again

2009-12-31T18:00:00.000+08:00

oh i was there ten years ago, how time flies... that's one of my most precious memory in my life.

happy new year, my friends.

i've got a sad song in my sweet heart

2009-12-28T14:46:00.008+08:00

some words are better to keep for myself, some thoughts are better to keep inside my head, not that i am afraid that they will be read by anyone else, it's just because i do not want to acknowledge them by myself. don't want to make anything like a shout for attention a cry for help. it's my n time feeling tongue-tied in my own blog, but what is the use of a blog if one cannot say what he/she feels?

at least i will still like to list out my favourite albums of this year:

1. Album - Girls
2. Noble Beast - Andrew Bird
3. Grace/Wastelands - Peter Doherty
4. Live in London - Leonard Cohen
5. Journal for Plague Lovers - Manic Street Preachers
6. Primary Colour - The Horrors
7. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
8. Further Complications - Jarvis Cocker
9. It's Blitz - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
10. Room 7 1/2 - Dot Allison

"i was feeling so sad and alone
but i found a friend in the song that i'm singing
i was feeling like a nothing inside
then i found it all in the song
and yeah yeah yeah uh-huh
it's coming straight from my heart
and yeah yeah yeah uh-huh
i gotta let it go
and yeah yeah yeah uh-huh

man i felt like i was going nowhere
then i found my way in the song i was singing
man i felt like i could lay down and die
then i found my life in the song
and yeah yeah yeah uh-huh
it's coming straight from my heart
and yeah yeah yeah uh-huh
i gotta let it go
and yeah yeah yeah uh-huh"

darling, the last song of the album, describes the exact feeling how i feel for the album. enjoy the girls while they are still young, sensitive, honest and daring (girls the band or girls in general?) debut is always the best (hope i'm wrong).

Retail therapy

2009-12-01T17:24:00.011+08:00

I've been looking for this set for some time and it was sold out long ago, can't believe there are so many fans of ex-government in my hometown. It finally arrives:

made in britain

Plus:

dear red post box

The fact that i only ordered 3 of them means that i still have a bit self-control, but I was still complained by my mum that my matchbox home actually does not have any spare space for the sudden arrival of three big mugs .... and, my lateness for the ordering implies that my love for them is turning cold? wish it's not true.

what a rip-off!

歸園田居

2009-11-19T17:38:00.006+08:00

Slow Attack - Brett Anderson

Frankly speaking, I didn't like this album from my initial listening. Or maybe I was just confused. I could not figure out my feeling. This is not the usual Brett Anderson I know, a complete department from the old way. After a few listen, it grows on me. This is a winter album, maybe for these few days my hometown is chilly and grey, so I started to understand and go inside it.

I may be one of those few who really like his debut "Brett Anderson" and his second album "Wilderness", because I like Brett to be the withered diva sitting in his dark room in London, drowned in his urban alienation, mourned for his loneliness (what a cruel fan). In Slow Attack, Brett still has a whiff of melancholy, but also with a sense of contentment. Hymn almost foretells an optimistic start of the album, "the climbing sun, the fading dawn, like a hymn to London, commencing with the day", it's a new morning. Brett's voice was perfect there and it made me think of his heyday (hell day) in The 2 of Us. The optimism may be due to his new-found stability, as it implies in his credit note "For my wife". Stability does not mean boring. Wheatfield paints a vivid picture of intimacy between lovers, raging and holy, and we know Brett was hunted then. And hey, why was there no printed lyrics? Brett's lyrics in Slow Attack are so picturesque, vivid images among the lines,(with my difficulty in deciphering and then misinterpretation). "And the snow in February falls, painting winter hollow. And the fields they are empty sites and the hills are like sorrow." What a winter photograph. Gone is the optimism from the beginning, but the tone is not as bleak as the first two albums. Brett seems to accept what life has offered him, it's a muddle, but it’s meant to be, "and we were born muddled, but it was meant to be... and your sun will rise again, and your moon will fall... through the endless rage, on the frozen roads." Or there's no need for such heaviness. It makes no difference if we really try hard or just lay idle for the rest of our lives, we still will be blown away someday. Maybe we should just learn the laid-back manner of Brett in Ashes of Us "the orchid grows, in a sunny place, where I sip my tea, with a scarecrow's grace." The songs I love most in this winter album are those mentioning summer (but I don't like summer at all). Layers of strings in Summer depict a scene of snow-falling, it's like under a snow-falling sky with the northern lights, it's so cold outside but you are feeling summer inside, definitely it is a song of a loved person, it even warms the heart of an unloved person like me. The last song, Leave Me Sleeping, a song for the oblivious, cruel and blizzard the world may be, we may still close our eyes and back to the embrace of summer or, of our mother.

This is a warm album, though with series of idyllic pictures in cold winter.

(oh I found the name of Kate St John in the sleeve. yes, from the first album I already thought that Brett in solo is so much like the sound of Kate St. John, what a co-incidence!)

one day goodbye will be farewell

2009-11-06T14:23:00.004+08:00

sitting on the ferry, my ipod popped up this song. saddness.

now i know what the colour of sallowness is. i saw how life oozed out of you. sympathy or indiffence is both evil. there is no apt attitude. don't want to recall how you suffered. don't want to think how you spent your humble life.

until gravity feels sorry for you, and lets you go.

And you are free now. Flies to the light. Peace be with you.

being towards death

2009-10-26T00:41:00.013+08:00

26th October 2009, the formal death of my own personal website. Its creation was a pure impulse after seeing the gigs of The Libertines in 2003 for the first time in my life. it's a tsunami, i mean, head over heels, in-your-face, no escape. Strange band, strange trip, strange people, but no danger. Felt like something changed, or part of my soul just left in london for good. With a strong urge to record the feeling (cos' i'm in love with the feeling), i learnt the simple html and made a simple website, to put down my own soliloquy (i.e. fangirl's rambling). I never have the heart to carry on anything constantly so the site was soon deserted, but it marks the history.

The front page:

the innocence and the perverse the demon and the angel the blessed the damned the cripple and the freak:

"drifting about in ice shambles, but all the warm people...":

I intended to write something about my favourite verse regularly, as sort of daily sport, but i just couldn't keep the promise:

Or maybe some random thoughts, comments, complaints, whatever... my beloved morrissey, take care! My review of his You Are The Quarry, of course (as usual) a page of praise:

Actually, Yahoo! has killed my web much earlier than the official deadline. With some unknown reason i couldn't view my uploaded photos since a long time ago, i love those pages but they were murdered without cause and notice:

As the owner of the site only has this mortal coil, the site itself of course will also be perished someday. It's just an illusion that we think the things online will stay 'til the end of time.

With years go by i feel my rationality gradually returns, or sadly i was submitted to reality once again. Has my love for the very band died a little? I don't know. I hope not. I don't want to see them reunion. I want to see them reunion.

mature words

2009-10-21T16:44:00.012+08:00

what the heck is that? i just stumbled into a blog which contains the following mysterious link:

http://usokomaker.com/yoji/

it seems fun, though i don't know the exact japanese meaning.

kitty will be:

haha, i definitely do not go to bed early (but i won't object to the latter part, haha, shameless!)

my chinese name "__和" will be:

what? but it confirms that i really am a "pretty"? haha let's vomit!!!!!

my chinese name "鄧__" in english:

so it means i have this ability or not?

my usual name "kitty tang":

that explains why i always live in poverty.

and my online name "kittyshambles":

oh i love it most!!! yes, i do come from Planet Sensitivity.

Always, always, always the sea

2009-10-18T02:43:00.006+08:00

British Sea Power @ Grappa's Cellar, Hong Kong 10.10.2009

I must say, the gig was unexpectedly good! Not really a fan of BSP, though their anthemic guitar is always my cup of tea and, after the gig, I think I may become a real fan, at least I really want to see their gig again.

The show was opened by The Yours. That was the first time I watched their show, though I longed to see them since 2006. I always had some sort of urgent matters that I couldn't attend their shows. Destiny delays our encounter. Anyway, they were as cool as I thought, in terms of the music and the look, but I was disturbed once again and couldn't see their whole set, fate!

The Yours

Then it was British Sea Power. Dress code of the Wilkinson bros was quite "unique", no shoes on, Hamilton with an overtly camp sleeveless top and Yan with a suffocated scarf in a room of insufficient air con. It all became insignificant when the music started. Powerful and anthemic, these are the right words to describe the music but not quite the exact words for the atmosphere. Err... yes, RAPTURE! Everyone was rapturous, for those on stage and those under... Noble not only played on the stage or up on the amplifier, he even jumped down the stage and played with the crowd. Mosh pit was dangerous, but we all were hypnotized, pushed your body, shook your head, continuous stage-diving, it's a mysterious ritual. Only when the barrier between the performers and the audience disappears, music becomes real alive and that's what live performance is about.

Yan tried the breakdance

What a Noble man

Yes, i always like this sort of scene

"throw him off!"

pornography

all bands come from rough trade must make this pose

Every poet is a fool

2009-10-16T17:04:00.002+08:00

err, what can i say? Best wishes for someone, whether that AWOL was because of health problem or not.

I'm thinking about history

2009-10-05T18:06:00.007+08:00

This is where i lived when i was a child. This is where when i dreamt about going home, i would go back there, and get lost. It is full of trees, songs of birds, sound of waterfall. Blue skies and daisy, daydreaming in classroom, hi-fi's volume competition, this is what my childhood like, of course also with nervousness and anxiety. My childhood's home will be demolished soon at the end of this year, leave in silence.

cherry house, so uk estate, my childhood's home

hay-on-wye

2009-09-21T15:03:00.006+08:00

That is my ideal place for retirement. If I have loads of money, I really like to buy a house in Hay. It's a small town with no train connection, but its remoteness also sets a good vibe for this town of books, isolated, far from the madding crowd, with only second-hand, mouldy and dusty books. Old books always give a strange kind of charm, travelled far in terms of time and space, they always have their own story to be told, besides the stories written within. I like to think about the identity of the original owner, where the book came from, the number of different owner in-between... did it come from a personal library of a book collector, or was it just part of the domestic decoration of a pretentious snob? It is like a mysterious thread connecting different people, or even different centuries. Like those lending records attached to the books of public libraries, I always feel intrigued by the previous readers. I've bought a small book of poetry of lord bryon. All pages were yellowed and the cover was creepily stained by human touch. This book must have been loved by its previous owner(s). I can almost feel the fanatical savour of this person to the book. Another book I've bought, charles lamb's essays of elia, it looks brand new though it was published in the early 20th Century. It must be placed on the shelf for a long time as "decoration" only. I hope I will give the books the respect they deserve by reading them sometimes, though I am afraid (and pretty sure) that the books in my house generally are also becoming part of the fixtures and fittings only, I read too slow. Sorry, books.

solitude standing

2009-09-09T14:12:00.004+08:00

I love those antique streetlamps in UK, elegance, solitude. No matter it's a peaceful night or a market full of hustle and bustle, they never fail to romanticise. They made me think of the lamplighter in the little prince. "A beautiful occupation", according to what the prince said, because whenever he lights a lamp, he adds one more star to the sky.

because they are beautiful, they must be useful.

We used to have them in the colonial past but in the name of modernisation they were all swept away.

"but then, he's very charming, and very, very sweet"

2009-09-07T23:47:00.003+08:00

so i gave him two kissy kissy.

Must have item for every fan.

ambivalent

2009-09-06T02:31:00.002+08:00

of course i really like to have this chair, but also feel much distaste for the overt commercialisation of this person, not his fault, our fault.

anyone will really sit on it? to imagine that he's around you? no, i won't (because i can't eat, drink or fart(!) on this chair)

so tell me, where does all the money go

2009-08-26T02:15:00.001+08:00

wouldn't it be nice to read in office

2009-07-29T17:41:00.007+08:00

"It is quite true that I have worshipped you with far more romance of feeling than a man usually gives to a friend … well from the moment I met you, your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me. I quite admit that I adored you madly, extravagantly, absurdly. I was jealous of every one to whom you spoke. I wanted to have you all to myself. I was only happy when I was with you. When I was away from you, you were still present in my art."

my working mood already slipped away, so i have work to do (even told to be urgent) but i just drowned to reading dorian gray again. that's the original text (and later was amended by wilde because it's just too explicit of ... what?) it's so beautifully written and gives me so much association and imagination.

i heard that there will be a film soon, another attempt to kill the novel.

friends within darkness, but no friend in the white cube

2009-07-24T17:47:00.003+08:00

What if I say no?
What if I say fuck off?
But you don't get it
cos my weakness is,
I was far too polite.

the more i read, the more i fall for him! but his books are always expensive, always put in my wishlist. to quote his verse for my present feeling,

"finally, starved and beaten, I had to go into
the streets to be interviewed for low-paying and
monotonous
jobs
by strange men behind desks
men without eyes men without faces
who would take away my hours
break them
piss on them."

- Charles Bukowski

blank entry, i have nothing to say

2009-07-21T16:23:00.010+08:00

Everyone seems very busy in the office, i doubt if they are just like me, looking perplexed, staring at the screen constantly, sometimes pressing the keyboard. Do they really have so many works to do, everyday and every hour? or it is just the usual survival kit in office life? i'm also busy, (actually i have real job to do, but i'm just procrastinating) i'm busy to surf around (so it proves that the policy of restricting access is correct?) and now even go to blogging .... no, actually, i don't have anything to update my blog, i'm just too idle.

I discovered that i have updated 4 times in June and the index shows June (4) on the left-hand side, humm....

surfing around is good, or else i won't be aware that there will be godard review in september. (wow, will the film shows really be so completed?)

I don't want to earn my living, I want to live

2009-06-26T17:54:00.006+08:00

- Wilde said.

I can only sing :

I stand accused just like you
For being born without a silver spoon
Stood at the top of a hill
Over my town I was found

I've been on the shelf too long
Sitting at home in my bed too long
Got my things and now I'm gone
How's the world gonna take me?

Finding myself used to be hard
But now I see the light
If love is a drug
Then I don't need it

I've been on the shelf too long
Sitting at home in my bed too long
Now it's time to hear my song
How are you gonna take it?

I've been on the shelf too long
Think the words without the song
Never had a way to go
Tell me now I'm taking it
I've been on the shelf too long
I've been on the shelf too long
I've been on the shelf too long

We've got a lot of living to do
There's a door in my mind that's open wide
Come inside come inside

Jesus never saved me
He'll never save you too, and you know!
I've got a little sticker on the back of my boot
This is music

How true.

Liverpool

2009-06-16T15:54:00.003+08:00

I should have written it months ago but I was tired and blank at that time. I'm still tired and blank but I feel like writing something about it now.

Liverpool - Lisandro Alonso

It's a simple story (if it can be called a story). A taciturn mariner set his journey back home for his ailing mother. There were hardly any dialogues, some people were playing games, but not for the taciturn man, he was standoffish, he's just present, and observed (or did he?) Just like the audience, we're just present, and observed (or did we?) but we were never invited by the director to connect with the film. The journey was long and hard, cruel blizzards all the way. There was no welcome at home (if that is a place called home). His mother did not recognise him. His daughter was not enthusiastic of his return. His father only wanted him to leave quickly. God knows what's happened there before. The world has already forgotten the taciturn man. He did not feel sad about it or at least his face did not register any sadness or disappointment. He left but the film continued. We saw what sort of lives that he left behind. It was the tip of Argentina, a place unknown to the world or maybe even to Argentina. The place was so remote that people have to live with limited resources and animal instinct. The world has not only forgotten the taciturn man, but also his family. Or maybe it's the world forgotten by the audience as we tend to dismiss the thing non-existing if we do not aware of it.

This is a film of microscopic examination of everyday's trivialities, detailed shoot of dressing, packing, eating and living. Banal and ordinary. No sentiment involved, if we only see thing as it seems. He tried to put the blanket on his mother, played around those little thingies in the house, stole a picture of his family, his hands were actually kept caressing the past and memory, though emotion also constantly kept restrained. Or he has been silent for a long time that he already lost the mean of communication. He gave a keychain to his daughter, bearing the name of a port somewhere. It might mean nothing to her, as it was not something valuable, and she seemed not interested to know what the word was about. But that might be the only thing that her father left her. A souvenir in the journey, record of a disconnected man wandering in the world, somewhere sometime, he may bear a thought of someone.

I have received several souvenirs of journey from others, some I like very much, some I just said thank you and put them somewhere now cannot be found, just like I also have given several to others, some may be being cherished, some may be regarded as trash as well. The only souvenir i got from my father is a bag from Guangzhou, cheap and ordinary. I never get along well with him, we don't talk to each other much. It is well known in family that I’m his least favourite child though I was also said to be the one who bore his character, a flawed character. He spends his humble life without much enjoyment and travelling. and I like the bag.

Crucifixion is the easy life

2009-06-06T02:05:00.008+08:00

Journal For Plague Lovers-Manic Streets Preachers

My first impression of the sleeve cover was, "How she reminds me of Richey Edwards!" Confused and apprehended, bloodshed and morbid. Richey was of course never confused. He was strong-willed (stronger than Mensa, Miller and Mailer) and a firm believer (of nothing).

To say richey is the gist or the soul of the band is a bit unfair to the other members and also a mystification or even deification of the very person. I still love Manics after the AWOL of Richey Edwards and consider Lifeblood as one of their best albums. However, with the magic touch of Richey (so actually it's me who mystify him), Manic Street Preachers lives up to its name again, preaching the unfinished business of the holy bible, fervently, with vehemence and sympathy, sometimes with rare tenderness. Still captivated by failed heroes/villains (Marlon J.D.), sympathetic with victims (She Bathed Herself In A Bath Of Bleach), skeptical of banality (Me and Stephen Hawking, Facing Page: Top Left) and hatred to the reign and the dominant, whitewash and lies (Journal for Plague Lovers, Virginia State Epileptic Colony), it is the good old manics we know from the idealistic angry young man in Generation Terrorists and Gold Against The Soul to the misanthropist in The Holy Bible. In Journal For Plague Lovers, anger and pain is further internalized, but silence is not sacrifice. The misanthropist becomes weary and withdrawn, seeking for an untethered place for a tired soul (This Joke Sport Severed, William's Last Words). These are the rare tender moments for the manics, though these also are the heart-breaking moments for those who love the person or the band. I never have problem with the voice of Nicky Wire (and cannot understand why people feel so abhorrence). I even think it's better to have Nicky to sing William's Last Words, laid-back and playful, he mollifies the otherwise too sentimental song.

My favourites are All Is Vanity and Doors Closing Slowly. Manics becomes the manic supporter of the authoritarian in AIV, people are simply lacking intelligence to make the right choice or, it makes no difference if we have choices or not, they are all lies after all, that's very cynical and very err ... richey.

Besides your cynicism, what else have you got? Emptiness and nothingness growing since teenage years has never died away, sense of uselessness only grows stronger. Doors closing slowly, so are you trapped within or without? Maybe it's true that crucifixion is easier than the stale existence and decaying. "In the end we had pieces of the puzzle but no matter how we put them together gaps remained. Oddly-shaped emptiness mapped by what surrounded them like countries we couldn't name." The world is noisy (listen to the voice of the accomplishment). What's your yearning? What's your loathing? Distant guitar with military / funeral drumbeats, clock-ticking, humdrum and routine, but your days are numbered, and you are mute.

Decades

2009-06-01T01:13:00.003+08:00

Whenever i listened to this song, i would think about that incident. That was a sad day, but they were the most beautiful people i have ever seen.

Here are the young men, a weight on their shoulders
Here are the young men, well where have they been?
We knocked on doors of Hell's darker chambers
Pushed to the limits, we dragged ourselves in
Watched from the wings as the scenes were replaying
We saw ourselves now as we never had seen
Portrayal of the traumas and degeneration
The sorrows we suffered and never were free

Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?

Weary inside, now our heart's lost forever
Can't replace the fear or the thrill of the chase
These rituals showed up the door for our wanderings
Opened and shut, then slammed in our face

Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?

Journal for plague person

2009-05-31T01:53:00.005+08:00

Constant no-update, it means this garden will soon be (or is already) forgotten by my rare and if-they-have-ever-existed (my dear imaginary) readers, but then at least I may say something frank or really treat it as a diary. That's the schizophrenia of bloggers. So do i want other to read, or not? The button on the screen says, "Publish Post", so I must want others to read (?) A mindset of a mental exhibitionist. A few days ago one of my friends asked about my absence from this blog. She was sort of good friend of mine but I was still scared by her attention. There're some people you don't expect them to read, such as your family, your colleagues or those you know they never understand what you are talking about (but they are still your friends, or even considered as good friends, how queer...). Sometimes you prefer to confess to a stranger to a person you really know. Maybe I don't need to worry cos' most of the time I just talked nonsense here and most of my friends would look blank when it's me who asked if they had read anything here. I always think blogging is something like a mental masturbation, something you have to release or, it just serves to satisfy the blogger himself / herself, because actually the one and only feverish reader of a blog is the blogger himself/herself. To show off the place you have been, the food you have eaten, the people you're with, the feeling you have, to establish the alter ego, be it the usual "princess/prince syndrome", or those "with the same guilt" cultural melancholic narcissus. No, no. Don't be disturbed by my words. I'm cynical. Please still enjoy your own blogging.

Because of my friend's query, I decide to delete hundreds of words, just my usual whining, to avoid the fragility of openness.

still need to whine. Bad luck. what can i say. no escape. don't escape. like the murphy's law. or what carl jung said. why my journal for plague lovers doesn't have the hidden track? limited edition means with limited number of tracks? so i have to spend extra HK$99 to buy the normal version. the poorer you are, the more ghosts you see.

what is the date of today

2009-05-04T06:05:00.000+08:00

Hum hum… makes no sense
Mermaids drown
Birds fall
We choke
But still breathe
He preaches in the street (not manic at all)
Rest assure we are all listening (though we look in awe)
Fly dies in the office
no, it's tinkerbell

no internet in office, may i squeeze some time

2009-03-24T01:51:00.006+08:00

to make an entry here. I say it's a squeeze cos' when i am at home online, i just spend the time on pet society, it's so useless and boring! (but i can't stop the routine of feeding my pet). Sometimes i miss my blog terribly and want to put down something (without knowing what to put down).

Yes, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows … strangely I still survive, the simple trick is just to forsake my worthless dignity and liberty. The main theme of this blog is always my whining about jobs and I have more reasons to whine for the present one, but at this sour time I feel like my right of whining is simply not allowed, when the press keep updating the current unemployment rate, at least I got paid now. Maybe all I can do is to save a bit more (who knows I will still be employed tomorrow). I don't want to sound like too humble and lowly, but that's it.

Not everyone is as humble as me. I recently have a dinner with a few friends in college and they spent the whole evening discussing moving to a bigger flat or buying a bigger car (while I never dream of buying a small flat or car), alternated with if they should take up the hsbc's rights issue. I could not take part in any conversation. They must have attained to the level of "successful" if we can categorize the phase of life like an electronic game. I never have the status anxiety as suggested by de botton. Material gain is also not my (main) concern. I just think someday I may lose all my friends if I keep being the same person while all my friends keep "progressing".

It's like I was kept in a time capsule, with the same thoughts, same attitude and same interests (but sadly not the same look). It explains a lot why I was captivated by the Pains Of Being Pure At Heart. Cynical me first dismissed them by their name, "what, so pretentious!" I was wrong, of course. Sweet jaunty guitar immediately brought me back to the good old twee-pop days, the days of the early mbv, stone roses and the field mice, sixteen clumsy and shy. Years pass, it's a bit embarrassing to still hold on the teenage dream, by euphemism I may call myself evergreen and young at heart. So, turn up the volume, i want to be bombed by the sweet guitar noise.

this evening, let us say in my place

2009-03-09T23:55:00.001+08:00

"Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful."

waiting for my roses, suffering from the depression of knowing that i actually cannot make any pilgrimage this year, anticipating the coming overwhelming worship of the gracelands, the fanatic is frenetic. almost breathless. though www.myspace.com/gracewastelands can surely ease a bit of pain.

"時機尚未成熟
成為他們命運的準備
緣分將他們推近，驅離
憋住笑聲
阻擋他們的去路
然後閃到一邊"

we love lovers, back to the square one. or it's the ending fitting for the start. like those pictures of m.c.escher. i feel dizzy. i need szymborska.

"Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open."

je sais je sais

2009-02-24T01:29:00.000+08:00

We have so much fun in the suicidal way
We were always so clueless together,
We stuck, we laughed and we stuck

I led you up the cobblestone road
I led you to the darkest corner
I led you to be as gruesome and ridiculous as me

Until, you slurred and swerved
and found there's no way back
and said, "thank you" and dropped dead

i love those perfect lies for love to bind

2009-02-14T01:45:00.005+08:00

"I wouldn't want for you to come to any harm,
and tell me, if the darkness comes
I will sing you a song and
I will love you forever
or at least till the morning comes"

It's so sweet that I can feel a sour aftertaste

It's so sweet that I can weep for its beauty and delicacy

If you go on with this sweetest chant

I will really fall backwards to fall into your arms

Conversation with devil

2009-01-23T01:04:00.003+08:00

Of course I recognised you.

I know your fierceness, anger, violence and, your tenderness, you were once an angel, of course it's no difficult for you to speak the gentle words and hum a sweet rhyme. You never fail to tempt me, sometimes I begged you to stop, for I was and will never as strong and intelligent as you, so let me be the meek and the humble, the innocence and the ignorance. You smiled and said what a hypocrite I was, as in fact it was me who asked you to stop me if I tried to stop you. You laughed at my quest for wisdom, saying that's the origin of sin, for human brain was too defective to think and understand. "Stop!" I begged again. A sense of fear struck into me suddenly, but what was I frightened for? Your evil, clairvoyance or, simply my own weaknesses? "mogwai fear satan" you sneered. I know you like riddles. When you said "happy songs for happy people", did you actually refer to your sad songs for sad people? But I couldn't really fathom that you refer me to one of your titles. You laughed, stating in a matter-of-fact tone that human beings got all the traits of devil except their retarded intelligence. "That is old cliche" I yawned, "yes, we can be cruel, jealous and greedy", that's so trite, you might not be as clever as you claimed. You didn't respond to my mockery, instead, you asked me out for a walk together. We went to a precipice, far above the banal world the cold wind cut me like a razorblade. Under the starry sky, you sang me those celestial songs, echoing the stories before your fall. Suddenly you grabbed my hand and plunged, I was dazzled by the strange rays of light - red, green and white, maddened by the howling of thousands faceless souls, scorched by the inferno fire, I was overwhelmed and possessed, strangled and suffocated, was it a punishment for my rude remark? "No" you said. Everything stopped, at once. You're gone. I returned back to my room. I now understand in addition to cruelty, jealousy and greed, I'm so ambiguous, hesitated, indifferent and numb, breathing but not living, this is so evil like a crime, you pushed me to the extremity, torn me apart, killed but also awaken my senses, meanwhile, I lost my peace of mind.

You are so fierce, angry, violent and tender. Of course I recognise you. I know you are but what am I?

Mogwai @ HITEC, Hong Kong 18.01.09
This is not a video clip actually, cos' i was behind a bunch of westerners, everything is shaky and out fo. this is a audio clip. Personally, it should be "sad songs, stay til the end. Old songs remind me of friends".

the end of the affair

2009-01-12T02:15:00.005+08:00

the end of the affair
I really couldn't believe the news. This is the first venue which i came to know, for a long time melody maker/nme reader, i read about its name long before i really got a chance to step inside it.

My most unforgetable memories of it :

farewell to suede
(the tickets must have been overbooked, there were actually too many people, i could see - nothing, but of course that was a great night, a sad night, a celebration night for a great band (which not many people agree), for what they have achieved, for the people there - who claimed themselve as "suede people", those self-centered, self-indulgent but as the same time glamourous people (oh but i'm not saying i am))

farewell to Gemma Clarke
that's the notorious riotous night, the christmas party summoned by babyshambles, the ruined party, i felt bad for gemma (for her drumsets were literally decomposing) and i felt bad for myself (for i went there at 7 to queue and stayed until 2 am without any food and going toilet, tolerating to watch tower of london and forsaking moz for petah) The picture above of course is not the cute gemma, it's "scarborough" steve, one of the guests of that christmas party, the one that only those two boys in the band would think he's cool

i am a dog walking backwards

2009-01-02T00:42:00.002+08:00

this is a new year, a new start for me, a new start for you.

actually i don't have any idea for my future or which direction should i turn (directionless so plain to see, a loaded gun won't set you free...) oh, touch wood, yes, this is new year, any negative thought is not allowed. i remember someone who is so clever but not very wise once said that he did not get on with the future, so they just ignored each other. only up till now i understand his words, so he's indeed clever and wise.

before turning a new page in 2009, let me be a dog walking backwards for a few steps and express my deep gratitude for anyone who had showed kindness to me in taipei, singe initially the riddle but then the cute sweetie, ah nan and other suede persons at simple life who took care of me in the absolute choas (well, the choas was not because of brett anderson, it's for the act (soda6) afterwards), and of course (let's clap) the language-master (and multi-functional) ppp who gave me so much which i can hardly articulate, warmed the cold, brightened the grey, spent time with a lonely soul to wander aimlessly or purposefully, enroute or by mistake.

brett anderson, who got the blame and criticism (again) for singing the good old suede, if people who thought brett was just a fallen idol, why did they care to see? You don't need a reason to hate or love someone. i myself think brett was still brilliant, no matter when he sang his solo songs or those suede ones.

jarvis cocker, with english accent and, english humour, still the charming darling, a valentine kept receiving bunches of roses from the crowd, still danced with his unique poses, played dead or watered the roses on stage, his every note and every move was just right, thought the last song (space oddity) which was collaborated with miss yang was a bit weird.